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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi Again,
I thought this chapter was lovely. You definitely paid more attention to details!
The entire concept of the charm bracelet was very creative. Loved it. And yes, about what shapes they were in. Would it really be logical for a girl to wear bombs and guns on her wrist? Perhaps you could disguise them so that they faintly resembled something else. Like decorate the bomb. A cheerleader as popular as her would not go around wearing bombs on her wrist unless she wanted to ruin her rep and be taken in to see the psychologist.
I loved the description of the car ride. Very descriptive. Good job with that.
I'll let the Grammar Nazi's get all you grammar issues.
Build more character with Ethan. What I know is that:
He's been tossed from home to home because of his power of healing people. (I'm glad you didn't make it seem like he was a celebrity for doing that because in the real world, he'd be taken in by scientists and cut up. So good job keeping it realistic.)
But that's all i know. Give him personality.
That's all. But I do want to read more! You should post the other chapters!
Peace, Love and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
no why, i want to read more of it, it is so good, the best thing i have ever read on here, and better then some of the books i have read out of here.