I hope Death is a gentleman when we finally meet.
I hope he’ll bow when he sees me, stay down for a moment, then cast his eyes up.
I hope as he rises, he’ll maintain his gaze, almost as if he cares for me.
I hope he’ll place his gloved hand on my waist and draw me closer to him with a motion gentle yet strong.
I hope he’ll ask me to dance when we meet, whispering sweetly in my ear as we both start to sway.
I hope he’ll draw me into a sweet embrace, set my head against his chest, and stroke my hair.
I hope he’ll start to softly hum as my eyes close and my vow begins.
I hope he’ll quietly chuckle as he sets me down, flipping his coattails behind him as he kneels at my side.
I hope he’ll sweep his long hair behind him, exposing his face as he leans in for a kiss.
Isn’t it odd, how even in my dreams, he never showed his face until he knew I was already gone?
Isn’t it strange, how I never saw his face until after I swore to stay with him?
Isn’t it funny, that the only ones who’ve really seen him are those hopeless lovers of his, the ones you can never take back?
They say Death isn’t a lover, but I think to a soul marked like mine, he will be.
We are all destined to join him in the end, but some of us want to meet him more than others.
We want to leave the cold and cruel and instead be enveloped in his embrace of eternity.
We want to depart from the pain and sorrow, and instead feel the kiss of the everlasting.
I hope Death is a gentleman when we finally meet, and I hope for a moment, it seems like he cares.
About me, about my pain, the things they all didn’t see.
I hope he enjoys those moments with me, the dance, the kiss, the vow.
I know afterwards, he’ll forget me, as he forgets all those he takes, but I hope for a moment, a second, even, that he is happy to be with me.
I hope for a moment, we both feel no pain, and in that moment, are one.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hey Little here for a review! My first in a long time, actually. Consider yourself lucky!
Anyway, I really like the whole concept of the poem. Painting Death's image as that of a lover is a really interesting thing to do. And your descriptions! They're simple, yet exquisite. But isn't Death used to this? Why would he show any special attention to the narrator?
While the pace is good at the beginning, I think some of your lines became a bit to big to comfortably fit into the the flow. And i personally find your shorter lines to be far stronger, effective, and more descriptive. Just my opinion, that's all.
That's all i have to say - Max said it all! And i don't see the point of repeating what other people say. After all, I think you'd get the point.
Signing off!
-Lee, the coolest person on Earth-
Thanks for the feedback!
Can I date death? You make him sound so sweet.
I like the pace of your poem. You don't make us move too fast, but it doesn't drag either. I also like how you don't describe his features too much, but give us enough to see him. For some odd reason, I'm picturing him as the 11th Doctor in a tux.
Normally I have lots of grammatical suggestions, but you did a really good job! I'm not seeing any issues in that department.
There is a word arrangement I would change, personally:
Line 3: I hope he'll maintain his gaze as he rises, almost as if he cares for me.
And then at line 5, I would take out 'that' from between 'hope' and 'he'll'. However, those are personal opinions, due to the symmetry of the surrounding lines.
The first half of the poem makes me feel like I'm intruding on an intimate moment between two lovers dancing. At the second half though, I kinda want to hug the narrator. Anyone who calls their soul "marked" deserves a thousand hugs. The following lines reveal the struggle within the narrator, and I like that. I didn't cry, but I could've.
My favorite line would have to be, "We are all destined to join him in the end, but some of us want to meet him more than others." It's true: our destiny lies with death. Only the faint of heart would dare say otherwise in their attempts to avoid fate. It is the ones who want to meet him more that understand life better. Funny, the lovers of death knew life to be a cruel mistress better than the lovers of life themselves.
Thank you for the read!
Thank you for the review!