Reaching out,
but feeling nothing.
Hugging myself,
but wishing it was you.
I know I'm not alone,
but it feels that way.
I want to be with you.
I want to,
hold you,
kiss you,
touch you,
not miss you.
But I catch myself sighing,
while on my computer.
I catch myself sighing,
whild playing outside.
I catch myself sighing,
while doing what I love to do.
All because I'm missing you.
I find myself going to sleep,
always thinking about you.
The only medicine that I can take,
is to be there by your side.
But until I can,
I'll be missing you.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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139,639 Literary Works • 672,637 Reviews
This is from 2008, though they most likely value your opinion I'm sure the author has moved on by now.
*locked*
I feel the same way a lot of the time, Me and my ex broke up a few months ago... I found someone else but its just not the same as when i was with my ex. He hasn't found any one else. I am glad, i hope there is hope for us. I miss him a lot. I love your piece! I'm liking it!
That was amazing!
This just felt kind of out of place.
Everything else was good, though. There are no words to describe how I felt about it, but I assure you it's a good feeling.
Fox
I love it. It does tell a story.
I think its good but it has the potential to be great! Your poem feels like its unfinished as if the story isn't done. Anyhow you can do it! Good luck
To be honest, I didn't like this very much. There were a few good lines, but most of the piece is just saying you miss someone. Great, but you haven't made me, the reader, care.
To make this piece stronger, I'd include more details. Show me what about this person you miss so much. Show me your reaction after you catch yourself sighing. Give me something unique, something that doesn't look like any lovestruck teenager could have written it. There is definitely potential here if you flesh it out.
A few lines I liked:
This was interesting, but you overdid it when you added the other two. I'd pick your favorite and expand upon it, include more details and imagery.
I might eliminate the lines after this and make this the ending. Perhaps you could play more with the sickness/medicine idea.
Overall, there were some good parts, but this needs more fleshing out to make it stand out. Keep writing!
thanks
I like it. It tells the story, and it's short and sweet. Good job.
I have really no advice, but I don't know how my advice would ever help anyone anyway...he he...