I see them running,
their tiny arms swinging.
Untouched by the rays of false hope,
and disappointment.
Their beaming grins almost blinding,
But their happiness is spreading,
and I feel myself smile,
Through the pain and the sorrow.
And the tears on my cheeks dry away.
My sobs are replaced with laughter.
And the weight in my heart is lifted.
The two girls, these angels,
these bundles of hope and sunshine,
have shown me the light.
They are my life,
and I won't let them see the lies,
The anger, the betrayal, the hate
The darkness that burnt my soul,
and left me damaged.
I will protect them.
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139,586 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
I just love how you're writing about Kam and Kiki, although, I think Angel did something wrong, cause Kiki was pretending to be drunk and was like: "And, and Kam-Kam, you saw your sister layin' on the table in just her..um..her undies and thirt."
Anyways, they're still our angels.
But I like the way you interpreted them with the poem. It just flowed so well, to me.
Hi, penandsword! I really liked the poem especially the content. Childhood is a fun experience.
I really liked your choice of words and your formatting. Well Done!
My favourite lines would be:
"Through the pain and the sorrow.
And the tears on my cheeks dry away.
My sobs are replaced with laughter.
And the weight in my heart is lifted."
Overall: A nice poem.
- anshira, ink force
This is beautiful. The poem was really written with a lot of heart, which is really sweet. But I think the following areas needed improvement. First of all, since the poem is about children and happiness, you should put more about it. Then, you keep repeating words, which at times doesn't sound good. For example, the words like sorrow and pain are repeated.My favorite lines are:
"Their beaming smiles almost blinding,
But their happiness is spreading,
and I feel myself smile,
Through the pain and the sorrow."
And I don't understand one thing. Why are you writing some words in italic? For emphasizing?Otherwise, the poem was good. Overall, 7/10.
Yeah, they were emphasizing confusion, and I meant to change it, but forgot xD Thanks for reminding me.
you're welcome.
your avatar is so cute..pokemon right?
Yees, Pikachu ^^
This is very beautiful. Honestly, this is poetic perfection.
This short poem manages to express the huge amount of love you have for these two little girls. Are these your sisters, or...?
There's really nothing in this that needs correcting or fixing. Though, why are some seemingly random words italicized? It kind of threw me off when reading.
Great job!
My nieces, actually. The italicized words are words that me, the narrator, are confused about.
Though, I should fix it..