I feel you moving around
Shoving out an indistinguishable body part
Kicking rapidly, bouncing in my gut,
You're my little work of art.
Every picture I have of you so far
Are from ultrasounds, fuzzy and dim,
Taken through skin to show what you are;
My own personal little Sim.
I'm amazed at how you're being created,
By stealing my nutrients, and controlling my food
Keeping me up at night because
You've slept all day, now you're in a playful mood
In a month and a half, I'll be able to hold you
To cradle you, to feed you, to make you sleep
To finally look at your little face
And realize that my love for you is deep.
I can't wait to see your little face,
To let your father take care of you, too...
By then, you won't be my little alien,
But you'll have turned our hearts into goo.
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139,481 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Wonderful weather we're having today.
that's a lie it is over 100F and I'm miserableThis is Moonwatcher and I'm here to knock this out of the Green Room.
I used to see very few rhyming poems on this site, and now it's a really common thing. Of course, rhyme can have it's faults. The first thing I noticed that despite all of the poem having an ABCB rhyme pattern, this stanza right here had an ABAB pattern.
This probably wasn't intentional, and it isn't so much of a big deal. A tip I give out to most rhyming poems is to never let the rhyme scheme get in the way of covering up what you really want to say. (love the sim reference, by the way).
I also feel like the last two stanzas are very similar. I suggest maybe changing them up a little bit, or even combining them (in an organized manner, that is).
When it comes to expression and imagery, you did a very good job at making this poem your very own, so good job!
During my first time reading this, I perceived it as a poem about some sort of monster growing inside of you, taking over you, emotions, darkness and whatnot. But upon analyzing the poem, I realized, "oh, I'm dumb, this is about a baby." Nonetheless, congratulations!
This is all I can really help you with. Hope this helps.
Review time!
Okay, let me just say this poem touched my heart deeply. I have a little sister who is seven months old so I could (Or better worded, my mom could) relate to this. I liked how you called the baby an alien, considering that's what they look like under the ultrasound. If you are expecting, let me simply say this: good luck, it's going to be hard!