We all witness sorrow,
hunger and despair,
we can't worry about the future,
cause we aren't there.
I want to stop sadness,
to end the world's pain.
I'll try my very hardest
but I'm very, very plain.
I can still attempt though,
I can do my very best,
I'm just a simple girl,
under tons and tons of stress.
I think I can change the world,
if I do all that I can,
I can make a difference--
Now isn't that a plan?
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139,477 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
Why not trying reading the poem? Don't just comment of a work for the points. You need to look at the reveiw sandwich. If you actually write a good reveiw you get a lot of points. There's no point in wasting you time writing nonsense. And it really irritates me that you use me like that :p
hello
so to start i just wanna say that the title of your work is so attractive .
i liked the idea of your poem , so interesting , and your poem is well written.
1- the starting : so catchy , strong and unique " PER -FECT "
"We all witness sorrow,
hunger and despair,
we can't worry about the future,
cause we aren't there.
2-the end , this is my favourite part , i don't agree with ravenboy , this is a great end , i mean finishing with a question , it's nice , but you should remove " that" from " if I do all that I can,"or replace it with " what " .
in general , i like your poem , it have a nice message in it , and it's very expressive
so keep writing
smile
Hey, the title grabbed me in and I'm not disappointed that I have read this. Is a nice change for once, to see someone writing about something positive and changing the world. Actually, I might just share this link with you while I was browsing on Nerdfighters.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUhA6fjgnLY
It talks about why 2014 might be the best year ever. Anyways, on with my review and gone with my blabbering. Sorry, I do this to almost everyone I review on.
This poem has a really nice rhythm to it, slow and steady, is simple but it speaks to true. I can't find fault with this poem in the first two stanza, because they are both very well-written. However, for the last two stanzas. I feel as though, some of the previous feeling of the poem disappeared.
Hm...I'm not so sure about this ending stanza, it sounds like a primary student making a wish. Perhaps you should just alter the end sentence. But is still a very well-written poem!
-Rx
Hello!
My first impression of this poem was good, I read a lot of war related literature and this really reminded me of it.
However I am not sure in which time this is set, It would help me a lot to get more information about the causes for hunger,despair and sorrow as you said.
I really liked the flow of this poem, especially
,,I want to stop sadness,
to end the world's pain.
I'll try my very hardest
but I'm very, very plain.''
Also,I think the ending is very good!
Keep on writing, I'd love to hear more
- Sophiewrites
Hi there,
Having read the poem twice. Here's my review:
The poem has a nice idea. It can work better if made more personal (if you know what I mean). Try to bring more of yourself into it. You certainly have done that at a couple of places like:
But still, tell us more about the expressions you've used in the poem : sadness, the world's pain, tell us how are you going to try your very hardest, how will you attempt, what stresses you?
By "tell us more" I don't mean lengthening the poem. What I mean is that by using descriptive expressions instead of plain, not-so-descriptive expressions, the poem works better.
That's it. That's my review. Hope I could help, even if just a little
Keep writing
Well written.This poem reflects simplicity. Though it has a deeper meaning to it .All the best for your next work.
Hey PenandSword,
I love the title of your poem, very attractive.
You have put in rhymes which adds to the smooth flow of the poem.
'I think I can change the world,
If I do all that I can,
I can make a difference--
Now isn't that a plan? '
It is my favourite stanza, to be particular, you ending was really good.
However, the line 'But, I'm not magic--' doesnt work for me. I feel it isn't complete.
That's it for now. Keep writing!
Love,
Krish
Awh! Thanks! I actually don't think that part is any good. I'll go back and fix it when I have time.
Yeah, waiting for it
How's that?
Wow that was quick
Much better! Hats off to your quick thinking.