Chaste

Hey there! Isha here to review.

First of all, I thought that the idea for this poem was really sweet. The last line was my favourite, and I appreciated the way it contrasted the first line. It tied the poem up nicely, all in all.

However, this felt a little bit plain. And I do like minimalistic poems, but, whereas a few lines here and there were the kind of simplicity that's refreshing, others just felt... dull. Dry. A little bit boring. The only thing I can say is that this poem is telling a story, but it's not a narrative (as in, it doesn't detail actual events to make up something akin to a plot), so "telling" doesn't work out very well here. And by telling, I mean that you simply state exactly what you're feeling.

My suggestion is: Try to rework some of the lines using imagery to show us what you're feeling. Metaphor, simile (although, if you do use simile, make up your own and make sure that they're not totally ridiculous; similes are very easy to do wrong), flat-out imagery? What's your breath doing? Your heart? What's that quiet, passionate feeling in your chest like, if you can even put it into words?

You don't want to overdo that, because I think that this could definitely work as a minimalistic poem, but adding a bit of the "show" couldn't hurt. It's your poem though, so what you want to do is entirely up to you.

Good job and keep writing,
~Ish

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!

Let's see. I'm feeling pretty lukewarm about this poem. When it comes to the subject, I'm pretty clueless myself, but there are a few poem-y things I'd like to suggest.
My favorite book is <i>A Tree Grows in Brooklyn,</i> by Betty Smith, and at one point the main character looks at a few things she's written in the past, and says, "These words sound like they're from a can!" Whereupon she ferociously lights the gas stove and burns all of her manuscripts from her early writing stages.
That's how I feel about this poem, as harsh as it sounds. Your word choice is right on point (great job), but your syntax is clunky and your words don't feel <i>real,</i> even though clearly your love is. To fix this, I'd just change a few words around, try to make the poem flow a little better, you know?
Now let's talk about what you did right (write?).
I love how you mention that the speaker (is it you, I can't tell?) is not a romantic person. That little detail makes this whole poem seem that much more special.
I like how you/the speaker acknowledges the honeymoon phase, because I think too many people ignore it blindly, thinking they've found the greatest person ever in the history of everything, but you take the realistic approach, and I like that.
I like the sexiness of the last line, but I can't say I can relate. I'm a pretty reserved person when it comes to romance, so the idea of intimacy is just short of imaginary for me.
My favorite line is, "I don't have many words for you, / but what I do have to say is meaningful," because that shows me as a reader a LOT about the speaker/you. I can tell the whole personality of the speaker just by these two lines, and I like that it's a lot like me. Plus, these lines add to the idea that despite your/the speaker's relative reservedness, you are writing this poem, which makes it all the more special. Does that make sense? It made sense in my head.
Anyway, I give this an honest three and a half stars of five, because I think you did great but I want to see more from you! This poem has great potential, and so do you. You're a great poet, so keep writing, cause I can't wait to read more!