Their fingernails soared together in that open sky
unified, together, like the mated leaves where they lie,
a leaf dances like a fawn gallops as it flies by,
they day dreamed of it and said to it “goodbye,”
to susurrate until it pastes the ground and calcify,
Hello, Its me
What i liked about this poem is the consistent rhyme scheme. I know it's childish but i love poems that rhyme. The words were well chosen. It also flowed very well.
In my opinion this doesn't make any sense I think that if you even have a theme that it should be more clear. But even so I still enjoyed reading and it was time well spent
Overall this was an okay poem. I can't wait to see more of your work in the near future.
goodbye, Have a nice day!
Um.
Don't really understand it. The words are beautiful and fit like gloves but um...
Taste thing. I don't really like abstract poems. This comment should NOT effect your writing at all. It's just me shouting my opinion.
If there were a way to make the poem's meaning any clearer then I'd suggest that.
Also take out the second together in line two.
Hello, Monsters.
I always hate commenting on technicalities or grammatical things when reviewing or discussing poetry - artistic liberty and whatnot - but I can't help but assume you mean "where" and not "were" there in that second line. Just in case that was a mistake.
That said, I quite like your poem. I think it has a nice rhythm though the meter stumbles a bit in some places - for me, somewhere around the third and fourth line, the pace of the poem seems to trip. Other than that, though, I don't have much bad to say.
I feel like this poem dances through to the end. I can't explain it really, which is why I usually don't review poems, but it's just lovely. The imagery in it paints such a clear and captivating picture in my mind.
Gonna jet before I fawn too much. Bye!
-RP
120,195 Literary Works • 649,018 Reviews
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