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by Monsters

It's a chaos such that I cannot discern truth in my reveries;
I ache to feel the concrete reality, the solid weight of rationality beneath my feet,
but these phantom sensations, elusive as mist, persist in their evasiveness;
with its infinitesimal creases of confusion;
and the twinge of uncertainty that plagues my thoughts,
as my mind navigates the labyrinth of illusions,
and the enigmas buried beneath layers of delusion - I dream of clarity as though it is a specter
drifting and wavering as if we are submerged in a wind of bewilderment,

and like a leaf

the universe's whispers echo not in my final destination,
but in the gentle lap of the lake against my veined form,
in the soft sigh of satisfaction, the quiet hum of harmony,
as I float, as I flutter, as I journey from sky to sea
for the true reward is not the embrace of the earth, but the expedition,
in the joy of drifting, in the pleasure of dancing, in the waltz of the waters.

Unfurling from the arm of a mother tree,
bathing in the lustrous sheen of the morning sun,
dancing with the rhythm of the whispering wind,

to take a leap into the river of life,
flowing beneath me with its ever-changing melody,
softly strummed on the strings of constant motion.

and so, I detach, I descend, pirouetting in the air,
each swirl, each spin, a verse in my ballad of existence,
each gust, a gentle guide, spiraling me towards my destiny,
each moment I draft my story, line by line, in the canvas of creation,

sketching the silhouette of success with the hues of passion and persistence.
In the face of hurdles, I am not the fallen, but the child at play,
rising from the dust of defeat, ready to embrace the depth of my journey.

The echoes of the universe reverberate not in my moments of done,
but in the hushed whispers of wonder, the soft sighs of satisfaction,
that slip from my lips as I sculpt my dreams, as I shape my destiny.

And so, I thrive, I dance, serenading the storm,
each pirouette, each twirl, an echo of my life’s cacophonous chorus.
in the gaze of chaos, I am not the confounded, but the composer,
crafting my masterpiece in the theater of turmoil, ready to revel in the rapture of the riot.

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155 Reviews

Points: 12195
Reviews: 155

Sat Jun 03, 2023 7:46 pm
Valkyria wrote a review...

Hello Monsters! I hope you are having a wonderful day/night, so let's get on with the review!

This poem is so eloquently written that I envy your way with words. It is beautiful, and I adore the vocabulary that describes each action. The imagery is also very strong, particularly near the end of the poem. As the reviewer below me said, I also loved the complexity in which you utilized rhyming.

but these phantom sensations, elusive as mist, persist in their evasiveness

I adored your use of assonance in the line above. The rhyming flows very well, almost like a rap in the way that each sound hits nicely on the tongue. The assonance and alliteration are my favorite parts of the poem.

I really enjoyed reading this piece!

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136 Reviews

Points: 13489
Reviews: 136

Sat Jun 03, 2023 5:39 pm
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...

Hi! This is a random weirdo here to review.

I haven't read a poem like this in a long time. It's beautiful, and it's got a lot of meaning behind it that you can't see until you reread it.

The only thing I'd suggest changing is the first verse. And only a little. In the rest of your poem, the first letters are capitalized at the start of every line, while the beginning doesn't follow that. Though, this kinda sets it apart in a good way, like an introduction. (And honestly I didn't even notice this until rereading it for a third time)

I love the complexity of the words; you often don't see that in poems, at least in the one's I've read. (A lot of words I didn't actually understand in the context of the sentences (because I really don't know a lot of words), but I think that's just me) But this makes have a more interesting feel. It makes the reader want to just sit back for a sec and try to uncover the deeper meaning behind them.

I think my favorite verse is the very last one. (sorry, I don't know how to quote things) It wraps up the poem wonderfully.

Overall, this was amazing! Also, take into account that I'm an inexperienced writer. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Monsters says...

Nah, you are spot on. A constant pain point is capitals they can be distracting or enhance the flavor but it's too specific to a individual. In any case it should be consistent or it will defiantly be distracting. Thank you, fixed!

Forever is composed of nows.
— Emily Dickenson