18+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Successor, The Fall of Morrow (4.1)

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

(Updated)

“Oi, Antione, vat do you zink Cecilia’s signal is going to be?”

“I don’t know, Dieter. We’ll know it when we see it.”

“I mean, I get zat Blaze is going to burn ze webs, but vat is Cecilia going to do? I heard she vas strong, but vat exactly can she do?”

“She has regeneration magic.”“So vat is her signal going to be!?” Dieter began to get anxious of waiting. Everyone had just synced their watches, and were waiting on Cecilia and Blaze to initiate their distraction for the operation. “I mean no disrespect, but vat could frauline possiblyt do with the signal tover? ”

“You’ve never been to the front lines, or heard about her, huh? Well, not surprising since she was never publicly revealed,” Lucas joined in on the conversation.

“Heard of vat?

“She’s the second and only person alive able to use Ki, and the only person in this world to have it and magic,” said Lucas.

“Ki?” Dieter spouted. “You mean like zat voman fifty years ago, Jennifer Reese?”

“Yup, just like that woman fifty years ago,” Lucas smiled as he said that.

“I thought that was just a game! All virtual reality un stuff.”

“Nope...it’s pretty real. It’s not your fault. Lots of people confuse her magic for super strength.”

As if the sun had returned and blessed this area with light, fire stretched from one side of the arachne's web and spread throughout its entirety within seconds. Black silhouettes of the spider demons now fled for their lives, or dropped dead from the sheer intensity of the heat. One thing was certain, this was the largest bonfire anyone here had ever seen.

“There’s Blaze…” Lucas sat down and closed his eyes. His oculus magic, a gray dome visible only to him spread out a hundred feet.

“So...is dat it?”

Scores of monsters charged or flew over to the burning tent like literal moths to flames, exactly as Ren had planned. The soldiers raised their weapons ready to fire now that the field was brightly lit and the monsters were in sight, but Ren raised his hand and signaled them to hold their fire.

“They don’t know we’re here. All they know is that Cecilia and Blaze are in there.”

Ren was still waiting on Cecilia’s signal. Monsters gathered and surrounded the fire, waiting for it to snuff out and pile on the intruders.

Hot wind blew past everyone’s face, the fire pulsed in a single explosive wave, and a crack that everyone could hear so vividly clear despite their distance; echoed. The signal tower rocked back and forth, the monsters in both the air and ground were hesitant; unsure what had just happened, but some instinctively knew the danger that came ahead and backed away. The burning tent fell over, the flaming webs stuck to monsters that were too close and crushed them. But that was not the end of it. Multiple gusts of wind pushed over the burning web on the opposite side of the signal tower’s fall, extending the damage, catching monsters in the air and ground, and trapping them underneath to die a scorching death.

“Ohhh...Scheisse…” the words left Dieter’s mouth as naturally as his breath.

“To answer your question, she’ll drop it on them.”

“Now!” yelled Ren.

Snipers aimed at the sky and a volley of thin plasma shot through the air, burning through the flesh of the largest and easiest targets they could find; chimeras, wyverns, and manticores dropped from the sky. The assault team fired at will whatever was in their line of sight, and focused fire when Lucas alerted them of a breach in his oculus radar; hellhound heads melted, holes blew through a troll’s body, and incinerated zombies in an instant. The first phase of the plan was a success. The hellspawns army were in disarray, and scattered all over the place. According to Ren’s best guestimate, they had a minimum of one minute to freely shoot before they were found. That is, unless the monsters choose to focus their attention on Cecilia and Blaze.

Thanks to the fire, everyone could see the collateral damage of the two in the distance. It was easy to tell who did what. Mounds of debris exploded as monsters were sent flying into them. Spits of fireballs, sea of flames, and fiery tornadoes went rampant left and right as if every natural disaster was concentrated in that one area but on fire. The hilarious thing was, if they tried really hard, they could just barely hear Cecilia’s fists and kicks on impact.

Everything so far had proceeded accordingly to Ren’s predictions. One by one, monsters fed the Earth with its corpse. By now, the monsters should have alerted each other of the attacks on their flank, and chosen between the two parties. Naturally, they’ll target the ones who aren’t causing so much chaos in the center; and leave them to the stronger monsters- demons, balrogs, and Lust.

“Ren, we’ve got flocks heading our way and counting, they’ll be here in a few seconds,” Lucas notified.

“Use a single rail and retreat to the next checkpoint,” said Ren.

“Got it. You all heard the man!”

With their final shots, all eighteen soldiers fired into the sky, their rail rounds penetrating every creature in the bullet’s path making it rain blood and cadavers. Lucas, Douglas, and the soldiers fell back, leaving Ren and Joshua to eliminate as many pursuers as they can.

“So...would you happen to have enough parts for a gun?” Joshua swung his lance in circles as a warm-up.

“There might be in these,” Ren walked over and placed his hand on a mound of debris. “But I have no idea what kind of parts are in here.” Light escaped Ren’s hand and extended throughout the mound. The entire thing condensed into a small circle of light then expanded in sporadic shapes until it became a giant wall made from the materials within it. One less direction for them to be attacked in. They were now entering the hardest part of the operation; staying alive.

“The soldiers need the firearms more than us anyways.”

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
brotherGeo
Review

Hello Comrade!
A great controlled battle and it looks like they're about to face off with Lust. you did a good job keeping track of your characters during this it felt really clean too. I so have one nitpick however, this battle feels more like a hellspawn massacre. i mean yeah the ground troops did get attacked and we heard over holowatch that they were screaming and such, but personally it felt a little to easy. if these hellspawn kept the humans on the defensive for this long and then the humans just suddenly get up and massacre them. Yeah planning, timing, weaponry, training, experience all that good stuff that would of led them to that point. but still it felt a little underwhelming for all the hype and energy built up for it. This is just my opinion sorry if it's a little harsh.

“Oi, Antione, vat zoo yu zink Cecilia’s signal iz going te be?”

once again Dieter's accent is over exaggerated, its fun out loud but a pain to read. and as i have said its inaccurate.

The first phase of the plan was a success. The hellspawns army were in disarray, and scattered all over the place. According to Ren’s best guestimate, they had a minimum of one minute to freely shoot before they were found. That is, unless the monsters choose to focus their attention on Cecilia and Blaze.

Nice execution of the first phase, gives a good summary of how the tide of battle is flowing. one more thing, Guesstimate is a little informal, it is a legitimate word but it barely fits with the setting. Estimate sounds more formal, fits the scene better, and means the same thing at its core value so i recommend that you use it. Or don't its your story after all.

With a tsk, Blaze grabbed Cecilia’s hand and pulled her out of the scorched hole. Her goggles and cloak were missing revealing her typical wear: sports bra, short shorts, reinforced leather boots, and hologen.

Those clothes must be made of plot armour...

“Nope...it’s pretty real. It’s not your fault. Lots of people confuse her magic for super strength.”

“Plasma bullets can’t even pierce my Ki shield, what makes you think your flames are going to do anything?”

Last thing: Okay sorry in advance if this a little harsh. It seems to me that we have a Mary Sue character here. while Cecilia has her own personality, it still feels a little dry. Even if these Sins are super buff Cecilia is lacking in conflict. She feels a little boring... underdeveloped is a better word but you get the picture. Honestly i don't care, a fun story is a fun story but if you are serious about writing and publishing your works, you may want to work on a few things. That's all i am saying, and hey don't take my word for it, you could be fine. I mean i am an inexperienced writer and i'm here to practice and receive criticism, so don't take my critique and stuff to literally... if you don't want too of course.

Overall a really well written battle, you kept track of everyone and displayed all the participants (minus the enemies) viewpoint which is really good. The dialogue feels pretty natural which is good. sorry again if this was a little harsh.
Keep Writing!
-brotherGeo

Thanks again for the review! You'll probably see more thanks in the reviews, but I'm going to go over clarifications by reviews since it'll be less confusing and more organized.

As you know, the story is already in-motion the moment the reader starts from chapter 1, so there's definitely a lot of information missed out. So details of abilities and what each people can do are revealed subtly without trying to make it seem like an info dump.

From your review, I have realized that this section isn't what it's supposed to be. I might have made an error in what I copy/pasted, or maybe I just haven't updated it yet. Thank you again! It does help to read over what you point out!

User avatar
kaitlyn
Review

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And I'm back for me of this story.

First Impression: That was a really cool fight scene. For a huge battle scene like this you do a really good job of making sure that we know where everyone is and that is a huge plus because losing track of the characters is the worst thing that can happen in a huge battle like that. The pacing was also pretty good, maybe a touch on the faster side but then considering the attacks that you are using that's probably unavoidable.

Anyway let's get to it,

“She has regeneration magic.”“Zo vat is er signal going to be!?” Dieter began to get anxious of waiting. Everyone had just synced their watches, and waited on Cecilia and Blaze to initiate their distraction for the operation. “I mean no disrespect, baht vat cud frauline possebry do za signal towah? ”


Slight tense issue there. It should be were waiting.

“Nope...it’s pretty real. It’s not your fault. Lots of people confuse her magic for super strength.”


So...super strength is a thing that some people have?

As if the sun had returned and blessed this area with light, fire stretched from one side of the arachne's web and spread throughout its entirety within seconds. The black silhouettes of the spider demons now fleeing for their lives, or dropping dead from the sheer intensity of the heat. One thing was certain, this was the largest bonfire anyone here had ever seen.


This is a great image and the demons dropping dead from the heat is a really nice touch that most people forget to include. So good job for keeping some physics in mind.

“They don’t know we’re here. All they know is that Cecilia and Blaze are in there.”


Yes...points for using actual logic.

“So Dieter, about Cecilia having Ki...” said Lucas.

“Ja?”


Somehow I don't think they'd be asking this question in the middle of the fight. Earlier it was fine...they wanted to know and the fighting hadn't broken out yet but here the fight has begun and this information isn't really necessary for him to know so this feels like an unnecessary question.

Hot wind blew past everyone’s face, the fire pulsed in a single explosive wave, and a crack that everyone could hear so vividly clear despite their distance echoed. The signal tower rocked back and forth, the monsters in both the air and ground were hesitant; unsure what had just happened, but some instinctively knew the danger that came ahead and backed away. The burning tent fell over, the flaming webs stuck to monsters that were too close and crushed them. But that was not the end of it. Multiple gusts of wind pushed over the burning web on the opposite side of the signal tower’s fall, extending the damage, catching monsters in the air and ground, and trapping them underneath to die a scorching death.


The imagery here is just amazing. It brings out the visuals of this battle really well.

*round of applause*

Snipers aimed at the sky and a volley of thin plasma shot through the air, burning through the flesh of the largest and easiest targets they could find; chimeras, wyverns, and manticores dropped from the sky. The assault team fired at will whatever was in their line of sight, and focused fire when Lucas alerted them of a breach in his oculus radar; hellhound heads melted, blew holes through a troll’s body, and incinerated zombies in an instant. The first phase of the plan was a success. The hellspawns army were now in disarray, and scattered all over the place. According to Ren’s best guestimate, they had a minimum of one minute to freely shoot before they were found. That is, unless the monsters choose to focus their attention on Cecilia and Blaze.


Lovely use of plasma there...scientifically speaking that would probably be impossible to use in real life but then I have plasma rifles in my story too...and I'm not complaining just pointing it out.

Everything so far has proceeded accordingly to Ren’s predictions. One by one, monsters fed the Earth with its corpse. By now, they should have alerted each other of the attacks on their flank, and choose between the two parties. Naturally, they’ll target the ones who aren’t causing so much chaos in the center; and leave them to the stronger monsters- demons, balrogs, and Lust.


That should be had and chosen.

With their final shots, all eighteen soldiers fired into the sky, their rail rounds penetrating every creature in the bullet’s path making it rain blood and cadavers. Lucas, Douglas, and the soldiers fell back, leaving Ren and Joshua to prevent as much ground chase.


Are those rail guns?

“There might be in these,” Ren walked over and placed his hand on a mound of debris. “But I have no idea what kind of parts are in here.” Light escaped Ren’s hand and extended throughout the mound. The entire thing condensed into a small circle of light then expanded in sporadic shapes until it became a giant wall made from the materials within it. One less direction for the hellspawns to attack them in. “The soldiers need the firearms more than us anyways.”


Another really cool visual there. The imagery has been amazing throughout this battle and as I said earlier we can easily keep track of who's where which is essential for a battle scene like this.

Aand that's it.

Overall: So besides a couple of minor things that were probably typos the rest is really good. I'm really loving this battle scene. It is definitely living up to all the hype that was generated earlier with the planning.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

This review courtesy of
Image

Heyyyy! Thanks as always, and for some clarifications for uncertainties that won't spoil the rest of the story!

Yes, any super power/quirks that you can think of, there is likely to be a magical boost for it. Some have magic that enhances their physical strength, or helps boost it in some shape or form.

Railgun rounds to be precise. The guns and ammunition will be explained in a future chapter.

Annnnd, that's it I believe! Glad you enjoyed it! =)

Your Welcome!!!
Ah...good. Sounds like a lot of fun.
Oh...looking forward to that explanation. I just assumed they were like those electromagnetic guns that they are experimenting with these days.

Of course...it really is an amazing concept.
:)



I'm officially making it my goal in life to become a roomba. I want to be little robot. I want knives taped to me. I want to be free.
— TheMulticoloredCyr