Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
(Updated and Revised.)
Three years, three long years; that’s how long ashes showered the planet. Dark clouds choked the skies, blocking the sun and turning the planet into an eternal winter. The more religious people claimed this was Heaven’s way of saying humans were no longer allowed to pass the pearly gates. Almost as if the souls of the dead were burned and returned to be damned forever.
It was all the same as far as the eyes could see; ruins, destruction, corpses- remains of what was once a thriving technological civilization.
Everyday the same thoughts ran through the minds of every survivor. They would stare at the sky or into a fire and think of the past; the warm kiss of the sun, white fluffy clouds, boring daily routine and fresh food at the nearby convenience store. These ashes that everyone so grudgingly hated were all that was left to remember the dead.
A team of three was sent to inspect the sudden appearance of a laboratory. Every step they took sunk deeper and deeper as the soot storm raged. They wore a brown wool cloak that covered them from head to toe. Beneath it was thick fur clothing that hid every centimeter of skin as well as an additional vest woven from biothermal fibers. Anything less, and they’d freeze to death.
Leading the team was a man with neck-length white hair with an inch of black at the tip being the last of his original hair color. For a whole year, Ren had gone back and forth through this general path. The laboratory was never here before. It just appeared overnight as if someone decided this was a good spot to place a building. Six whole years of the arcane arts; the sudden appearance of a laboratory was just another to the list of surprises.
Alongside him, a female civilian, Serenity; and a fellow magically gifted individual, Gregory. Ren demanded Serenity stay behind. Yet she argued for her right to help contribute to the refugee. There was no government after all. They needed another way to measure value.
The entrance had glass doors with handles, and flyers taped on the other side that dated back to the year 2034. Gregory and Serenity stood in front waiting for it to open. Ren on the other hand, shuffled past them and pulled the door open to enter. It took the two a good moment standing in the ash storm to realize that this door was not going to automatically open for them.
Gregory’s face was all over the place, taking in such an ancient and alien architect that was forgotten to even the world wide web.* “So this is a science lab from a thousand years ago.”
“No voice command, no A.I user interface, not even holograms. People of the past really had to do things themselves,” said Serenity, pressing her fingers against the walls in hopes that a console would appear.
For Ren, the cleanliness of the lab was his primary concern. The porcelain tile floors were shiny enough to see reflections. The wood and metal of tables and chairs showed no signs of deterioration. Every room they searched the ink and chalk on the wall boards smeared at the slightest touch as if only written recently.
Gregory tugged at a door, using even his legs to help but this door in particular proved too heavy for him. He was left handed, there was only so much you could do with a left stub.
“You okay?” Ren helped push the door open.
“I’m good,” Gregory said with a strain in his voice. “Just really wished Cecilia was there to spot me some of that healing magic of hers when it happened.”
“It’s not healing magic, there’s a difference. And don’t push yourself too hard. You’ve done enou--”
Serenity popped out of one of the rooms shouting, “Over here! I found--” Her voice echoed throughout the laboratory.
Both Ren and Gregory turned to her in a sudden synchronized glare. Serenity immediately covered her mouth, realizing how loud she yelled. The three of them stood frozen, not a sound to be heard. So silent, that they can hear the wind howling outside through the walls of the laboratory. Even the sweat on Gregory’s temple halted in its path, almost as if it felt the fear that gripped everyone’s heart. It wasn’t until Ren gave the okay after dropping and pressing his ear against the ground that they decided it was okay to move.
Apparently Serenity had found a hidden basement in one of the rooms. It was rather small, but large enough to fit some shelves and provide a narrow walkway for a single person. If Serenity and Gregory pressed themselves against the shelves, they could just barely squeeze by each other.
Once again, Ren’s cleanliness concern crept up on him. Much like ground level, it was far too clean for it to be a thousand years old. This time, there was a skeleton whom he presumed to be a scientist given the white laboratory coat it wore. It sat on a chair hunched over in front of a table. On said table was a pile of documents that this person was in the midst of filling out. Then there were the supplies on the shelves: boxes of canned foods, ancient kitchen utensils that didn’t require electricity, medicine, and clothing filled the shelves; too clean and fresh for the supposed age of this place.
While the other two rummaged through the supplies, Ren picked up the top paper of the document pile. His eyes widened, and he picked up the next page skimming through it from top to bottom; then the next, again and again.
Serenity approached Ren, curious about his sudden frantic behavior. “What’s that?”
He ignored her, and continued flipping through the pages.
Even Gregory became curious as to what caught Ren’s full attention.
“This is it…” The words fell out of Ren’s mouth. “This is everything she searched for her entire life.”
“By her, you mean Cecilia?” Gregory asked.
Ren nodded.
Serenity looked back and forth at the two, lost as to what these two were talking about.
“So...we found Fuyu?”
“Not quite, but we now know where he is and why Cecilia never found him,” Ren immediately pulled out his hologen; a nifty device that’s practically a holographic computer worn on the wrist. With a press of a button, green light beamed at the documents scanning the stack.
“The two of you grab whatever you can on the shelves. We’re leaving as soon as this is done…”
“Finally, some English around here,” Serenity said sassily. “Oh look! Fresh food and medicine. Turns out I was useful after all! To think you didn’t want--”
Ren’s deep thoughts drowned out her yammering while he stared intently at the writings. This had just become a top priority mission. For the first time in a long while, he felt they had finally made some sort of progress. The scan was nearly complete and the room was emptying at a good pace. If they compiled everything together and carried three boxes each, they should be able to take everything here. It was fortunate they were able to secure all this info and resource without a hitch, or so Ren thought. From the corner of his eye, a beaker filled with water caught his attention. It wasn’t so much the beaker itself, but the water inside of it. Ripples pushed outward from the center. He prayed that it was because of them rummaging through the small basement, until some dust fell on the paper he held. The ground began to rumble, footsteps paraded from above, and the laboratory creaked.
“They’ve found us...” Ren uttered.
Gregory immediately dropped everything he had packed and rushed towards the stairs and out the basement. Serenity on the other hand rushed to finish gathering the remainder of the supplies.
“Leave it! It’ll only slow us down!” Ren ordered.
“Absolutely not! This is my contribution to the refugee! I am not eating that disgusting filth made of leftover food any more!”
“Those hellhounds are literally right above our heads. We take food, or anything that’ll slow us down or leave a scent behind, and those mutts will be on us within ten steps of leaving this laboratory. We’re out of time,”
Ren ascended the stairs after Gregory, leaving Serenity behind. They snuck down the hallway keeping close tabs on every door and corner. They made sure their steps didn’t make any noise, and kept to hand signs for communication. They were mere meters away from the entrance when they heard Serenity’s footsteps running after them.
Ren extended his arm out to halt and catch Serenity, and pulled her into the nearest room.
“What do you--” Ren cupped his hand over her mouth to muffle her. Peeking out from the corner of the door, a hellhound had pounced in front of the entrance, sniffing around the ashes and looking around. Another came around and butted heads and moved on. As their names suggested, they were canines from hell; red mangy fur, large extensive mouths resembling pelican beaks with sharp teeth, spikes lined on their back, horns, and a large tail. Smart, fast, and durable- these deadly hunters easily disrupted battle formations and broke the front lines. There was no denying these large mutts were the sole reason for humanity’s repeated losses.
Ren raised his hand to signal the two to stay absolutely quiet. There were one, two, four, no, ten? A rather large pack for a desolate area. They didn’t have any food on them. Did they hear Serenity running? There had to be something that caught their attention. Whatever the case, the ones here were about the size of motorcycles. If he was by himself, there wouldn’t be any issue. But to protect two others at the same time? There was no way they would all make it out alive, not without a definitive count. Even if he made himself bait, the chances of the hellhounds sniffing out Serenity and Gregory was almost certain. The moment he separated from any one of them, the other would die. Even if acting like a bait did work, that's thinking optimistically. These dogs weren’t stupid enough to chase their food with the entire pack, not when there’s more than one scent.
Ren looked at Gregory and Serenity in a cold sweat. Though Gregory never directly went into the battlefield, he did what he could through thick and thin. Meanwhile Serenity had the grouchiest wrinkles he’d ever seen. Engaging the hellhounds was out of the question. As the only combatant, he can’t defend the both of them at the same time. On top of that, if he died, they died. That was not an option. The information in his hologen is of top priority, he has to survive. A waterfall drenched Ren’s head and clothes. This wasn’t fair. Especially since they can't afford to lose any more women. The decision practically made its own choice.
“Gregory, this is an order. You will die here,” Ren said with a stern look.
“There’s no other way?” Asked Gregory.
Ren shook his head.
Serenity turned her head back and forth at the two boys. “The fu--”
Ren slapped her across the face before she could raise her voice.
Gregory got up and started stretching at the doorway of the room they hid in. “Take care of Emma for me. Tell her I love her. If possible, raise her to be as strong as Cecilia.” He tugged a locket off his neck, and handed it over to Ren. “Give this to her.”
“Don’t be late,” said Ren. “You know how Prof. Anderson hates repeating himself.”
Gregory chuckled. “Says the one with no attendance...”
Ren grabbed Gregory’s hand, shaking it before pulling the locket out of his hand. Gregory then ran out of the room and down the hall, “OVER HERE YOU OVERGROWN MUTTS! COME AND GET ME STUPID DOGS!” The glass door of the entrance shattered, and the pack of hellhounds trampled through the laboratory.
Ren grabbed Serenity by the hand and dragged her out because she seemed a little weak-kneed after the slap. Almost like she couldn’t believe somebody had actually hit her.
They fled the facility and into the soot storm. They ran, and ran, and ran, leaving another to die. Although faint, they could hear the laboratory collapsing from the hellhound’s stampede echoing through the storm.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Helloooo
Here's my updated reaction (it's not counted as a review anyway but i've been wanting to read this badly sooo)!!
I'm relieved that you retain your intro. It's what got me hooked in your work in the first place! I'd like to read more of this because I realised that you don't consistently use that kind of writing style. So far, you've only used it in this introduction, whereas every description after this were more direct and explicit.
-AWWWW Why did you change the name Karen? I love how the name "Serenity" is a stark contrast to her personality.
Also, since you mentioned her in the very first chap, she's going to be important, right? It feels gutting if she's only here so that Gregory would die. I hope I can see some character development from her. Focusing on this chapter, you're really spot on in writing her as an extremely irritating character. I liked it because it makes their reality more grounded. There will always be those "toxic" people.
-Glad to know there's a reason now.
First Highlight: Now that I reread this again, I feel like he/she was killed on the spot and out of surprise 👀 👀.
-and you haven't changed the "in the chair" to "on the chair" so was it intentional? He/she is literally inside it?
Second Highlight: I don't think this line is necessary. I mean, the other two are unobservant so they'd assume right away that it's a real skeleton, without realising that it's not impossible without magic.
-Nobody said "him" prior to this.
-We don't really need this because us, the readers, can assume from "Followed by Karen shortly"
-Many thanks for a much more clear train of thought here <333
-ok. This made me laugh. Out of all the features he could describe her, he'd really go with the wrinkles.
-So she must be old? That's the only connection I could get with this description that explains her incapability to fight.
-STOP IT. THIS IS MAKING ME CRY. EVEN THOUGH I BARELY KNOW GREGORY HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE. WHY?????
i'm the type who gets attached easily, pardon me-No comma here please. It disrupts the flow.
-Since you retained this, that means they're keeping everything about Fuyu classified?
-this is the best one among your edits. I've gotten a vivid read on how their magic works, specifically the consequence that comes a long with it.
-It's like Gregory died in vain
-You really took that extremely nitpicky advice lol
i still appreciate this. thank u-another loose writing?
Anyway, I love the changes! The story became much clearer and more believable. I'm so happy to see that some of my advice helped
or you may have edited it before i pointed it out idk. I'm just a wee hurt that Gregory had to die:(Oh man, I'm gonna need an energy boost or some nono stuff for adults to keep my mind running and innovated.
1. The Karen name change is a dead give away comparison to the pronoun Karen that we've labeled in real life. As you've guessed, there will be toxic people no matter what and they will always make things worse for their own benefits. Also a small hint that that their struggles aren't only with foreign creatures, but with themselves as well. I can't tell you anything else that involves future association and development.
2. Honestly, I'm not really sure about the writing on the updated draft. I think I wrote it in because I thought it sounded good at the time. But I probably left it alone and forgot to do a final review because I wanted to get to the really good parts in the later chapters that inspired me to start writing to begin with.
3. Nah, Karen isn't that old. That's just how angry she is and ready to throw a tantrum simply because she isn't getting her way. The involvement of Karen here indirectly killing Gregory is very straight-forward. Tired of the horrible conditions they're in and became incredibly selfish. There's no hidden meaning behind her. It's only after Gregory dies that she realizes what kind of choices are being made outside of the encampment. Yet, she refuses to admit her own mistake, and tries to shift the blame. In a way, you can see it as some humans just don't change no matter how far in the future we develop.
4. Karen is a civilian, Ren is part of operations. There's always going to be things that the general populace will never know.
5. Most likely more loose-writing.
Thank you for all your help! I think I'm out of ways on how to share my appreciation for your support. But Thank you!
Hello there!
I can't believe Harryhardy beat me to this, but I've been planning to review your work (I'm just really slow). I'm also not fond of the last part but that's on me for ignoring your warning.
Your story has such a solid beginning. I think I heard of this kind of end-of-the-world climate, but the way you describe it was just...I love it.
-This is just a great way to describe the soot that starts enveloping the earth!
-This. Is. Poetry.
I love your writing style! There's barely any grammar mistakes and the descriptions are compelling and vivid.
However, I do have a few concerns:
First off, I find it difficult to believe that people who'd crawl to survive --people in desperation-- would decide to let a civilian come with them for an inspection. They must've thought of the contingencies and the risks. Perhaps it's because there's a lack of Serenity's character background, but I didn't see why she was so important/needed during that time. Without her, they would've done a much better job. It felt like she was added for plot convenience.
-If his problem was that he couldn't save Gregory and Serenity at the same time, why didn't he just divide the attention of the monsters? A divide and conquer concept. Ren and Serenity could use themselves as a bait for most of the monsters. He could fight a lot of them whilst protect only one. Furthermore, Gregory is a "soldier" and is capable of combat so it wouldn't be a problem if a few hellhounds catch his scent. In this way, there's a higher chance that all of them would live right? Oki. That's just my take on this. MAYBE I JUST DON'T WANT GREG TO DIE HAHA. My poor baby Emma had to go through the lost :<
-I think this is a plot hole. Because she's pertaining to Cecilia, right? If so, isn't Cecilia a front liner? She isn't on the Morrow/Oath because she's trying to protect them wave after wave. She's considered a hero so there's no way Serenity would spout this. Is this one of the things you're planning to edit out?
-I don't think this is needed. The readers can just deduce this setting when you start mentioning advanced techs your characters normally use. It'd be preferable if you put on very little hints at first. This will heighten the shock readers would feel when they learn that this story is set a thousand years later.
-The phrasing confused me a bit. I know it was the skeleton hunched over a table, but the sentence somehow denotes that the chair was the one hunched over a table. I think you should make "wearing a lab coat in a chair" a clause by adding two commas.
-Also, it's "on" a chair, not in.
-I think you mean "Ren uttered, annoyed." Annoyingly is an adverb that describes the word "uttered" so this sentence denotes that his utterance was "annoying" to those who hear it. And I don't think that was what you intended to say.
-Actually, for me, using the word "uttered" is enough.
-Isn't Ren supposed to compliment him here? Do you mean Gregory can use magic well since he was a kid?
-This got me really confused because Ren confessed that he loves Azel in a romantic way, right? So are they married? If so then it should be "Mrs." not "Ms." Readers might mistaken this for incest(I hope it isn't).
-Apathetically is an inappropriate way to describe Ren's voice/tone. He's trying to be apathetic, but he isn't. That goes to show how important Gregory is. There's a huge difference.
-Oh my goodness. I feel like I'm incredibly nitpicky (sorry), but how did she scribble a full circle and a curve when she's writing the capital E?
Comma problems:
Please remove the comma between "dangerous" and "smart" and also between "Ambushing" and "leading."
I took some notes of things I've gotten so far from your story. I hope it will help or serve as a guide for you.
World building (chapter 1)
-1000 years in the future
-Ice cold
-Magic/ Fantasy
MF: Still no hints of how it works and what's its limitations
-Greg and Serenity:
G&S 1: Their largest concern was the existence of doorknobs and why some doors were made out of wood or glass.
G&S 2: What kind of doors do they have? How advanced are day?
-A skeleton with the information of someone who seems to be alive for years.
-Oath vs. Morrow
OvM: don't know the difference as of now.
-Hellhounds - monsters
H1: Their blood is also red
H2: Their weakness = almost blind for having tiny eyes.
-No idea what the academy is
-Not enough pencils - feels like I needed to list down the supplies that are almost out
-Huge mess in his shelves with weapon materials (don't they lack supplies already? It's a bit of a mess. Can they still be used?)
-Who is this "him"?
Characters
Ren Asa
-Very observant
-Has characteristics of a great leader. He doesn't panic/freeze but instead tries to find a solution or strategises immediately.
-Tries to stay strong for the good of everyone
-It's either he has and needs a lot of weapons or he makes them (?)
-Loves Azel but they're not married?
-About to explode from all the stress and sacrifice he was compelled to do.
Gregory (deceased)
-Smart. Knows about technology and stuff (or at least informed and remembers those details).
-One arm
-Soldier
Serenity
-Amateur when it comes to encountering hellhounds (or surviving in general).
-Her emotions get the best of her.
-Her name is an irony to her personality.
-Civilian
Cecilia
-(as of chapter 1 only) Left them for a guy
Azel Asa
-Children's person
-Possibly barren?
-Can sacrifice her desires for the good of Ren (her husband) or the people (repopulation)?
Emma
-Gregory's daughter
-seven
-Really attached to Gregory
-Has her father's locket (took note because sentiments can impact a character a lot).
Maggie Asa (Ren + Amy)
-Ren's daughter
-six
-Can write
Zeke Asa (Ren + Amy)
-Brother of Maggie
Amy
-Gave birth to Maggie and Zeke
-Likes doing...you know
-Fetish
Prediction:
The appearance of the laboratory is a sign that he wants to be "found."
Overall, I love the plot. PLEASE tag me for the coming chapters!! You've placed magic, post-apocalypse, and monsters into one novel. They're definitely my cup of tea! Keep writing<3
Hi kattee! Wow, all I can really say is I'm really at a loss of words after reading your review. I mean, I'm typing them out, but I'm just really happy that I couldn't quite figure out what to say. You know what I mean.
I'm surprised this chapter is still getting reviews (It's only two, but it's something.) despite being out of the green room for so long. My experience here in YWS since 2014 lead me to believe that only the really good stories gets attention after leaving the green room. So seeing reviews on an old work has definitely raised my confidence.
And as embarrassing as it is, this chapter here in YWS hasn't been updated in a long time, so I'm sorry you had to read an outdated work.
>-< Fortunately, the main focus of this chapter remains the same, so if I see anything on your review here that might still apply to the updated document, I will definitely go over it and try to make improvements.
I'm sure you already know, but seeing such a detailed review and personal thoughts on elements of the story really gives me motivation to get this story done. Especially when the top of your review tells me that you've read the other chapters as well. It means a lot to me, and I don't know how else to thank you. <3
Just a heads up, that the other chapters are already complete, I'm just taking forever to look over them for errors and improvements. My short-term goal is to be able to post on here and get a review where no changes are needed.
AWW *blushes* I'm so glad that I was able to not only help you, but encourage you to continue writing.
- Your novel is amazing!! It may not have garnered much attention because the length is overwhelming, but it's definitely a worthwhile read.
-Don't forget to tag me when you do post them!! I LOVE IT.
-Also, "where no changes are needed" brings a lot of pressure. Don't be too stressed about making it perfect. It's normal to make a few mistakes:)
Embarrassingly, despite my long time here in YWS, I don't know how to tag people. I spend most of my time working, writing, or hobbies, so I often only review when I need points to upload.
However, just a heads up that Chapter 2.3 is out now.
Most people usually tag others by updating their status and telling everyone that they've posted a new work, whilst there are some @S. Others simply place a comment below their works with the @S.
And I'll be reading it<33333. I'll be adding a review in it too, but I'm really slow so haha.
That's supposed to be @/s. My bad.
@Katteex
Just wanted to test it out.
It works! I was actually notified three times haha
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Saw two parts of this in the green room so I thought I'd start out here.
First Impression: Ominous start right there. But immediately captures the interest very well.
Anyway let me get to right to it,
Well that's a very powerful opening right there. Great bit of description and just sets up quite the world.
And this mystery adds a great touch to the first chapter to hook the readers in.
Now that's a very neat and subtle way to tell us what year this is.
Yes we did Serenity, even up until 2772(the time period I'm from)
Well a skeleton that has not decayed despite it being in there for a thousand years is very mysterious indeed. If there were enough bacteria to reduce the body to a skeleton it is very surprising that the skeleton itself is intact.
Well I see the pronoun game is being played to prevent us readers from being able to figure out what's going on.
Interesting choice of monster there.
This sudden lesson on monster size and weaknesses along with that comment about the ship cruise breaks up the flow of thee story here. Too much information dumped at once. You might want to reduce that a bit and scatter this information across more chapters than this.
That's a pretty harsh statement. Maybe play it off as you have to distract them for us to escape and then imply that he has practically being ordered to die. Straight up saying this is just very harsh sounding. And he barely felt emotion doing that too.
Well he did quite a good job later in this chapter so this does feel a bit like he's lying. Maybe make that fight with the hell hound feel like it was more challenging.
Yes excellent choice of weapon. Katana's for the win!!
Great one liner but also why were the civilians even out there? Were they ordered to come or did they come by force or what? This line is a little contradictory if Ren asked them to come with him.
Nice bit of description there too. Sets the stage nicely for when Ren arrives and the actual scene begins.
Nice little detail there to add. Subtly tells us a lot with that small detail.
Well this is great right there. Really does an amazing job capturing the emotion there. Even though we're just being introduced to Emma we can empathize with her.
That should be just people. Also so far from what we've been told things appear to scarce and they are just getting by so hving him smash a bunch of things makes him appear to be unnecessarily wasting things.
Well that's a very paranoid dude.
The exact measurement is a little weird there. Usually you don't include such exact measurements in stories.
Again seems like a lot of rage being directed at potentially useful stuff.
Well that is a very long list indeed. I think you capture the emotional turmoil of going through so much pretty well here.
That should be fours.
And that's it for his chapter.
Overall: Great start there. We get just enough development to get us interested without a giant info dump. The character of Ren is developed pretty well and it is a really interesting premise. I'm looking forward to reading through the other two parts of this book.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello Moalex! Katja here to review your first chapter. As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions I make, should you find them unhelpful. With that being said, let's get into this review~
Summary of the story~
This was a fairly long first chapter so I took notes as I read to make sure I didn't forget anything important. I figured I'd recap my understanding so far to see if I have it right~
It seems to be about a post-apocalyptic world in which the sun is blocked by ash and leaving the earth in an eternal winter. The time frame is approx. 3034 give or take (the characters say the lab, dated at about 2034, is from a thousand years ago)- I assume the crisis with the eternal winter has been happening for three since the introductory paragraph states it rained ash for three. The main character, Ren, has to make an important decision when hellhounds find them in the lab and he chooses to sacrifice Gregory- a man with a child, to help him and the female civilian Serenity escape. He chooses Serenity over Gregory due to the imbalance of the female to male ratio and the need for humanity's survival. They return to their camp and Gregory's daughter is angered and distraught, harshly despising Ren for her father's death and even taking it out on her friend Maggie for being Ren's daughter.
The character's relationship's confused me quite a bit... I've gathered that Ren fathers Zeke with Amy (because Azel begged them to for some.. reason..) but he loves Azel. He fathers Maggie with *i think* Azel... Gregory is the father of Emma... and the rest isn't clarified yet.
Hopefully, I have that close~
Overall Thoughts
The plot itself is VERY fascinating and takes the post-apocalyptic world and creates its own unique version. I am in love with the story so far, the complexity and detail that went into it was a nice surprise!
Suggestions
Due to the length and amount of information presented, I recommend making the chapters shorter so the reader and digest the information easier. I also think clarifying character relationships and the overall dynamic of them would be very helpful~
Here you mistakenly say Azel instead of Amy~
That's all I have for suggestions!
Summary
This was a long and well-written chapter- I love the world you have created so far but think it would be best to shorten the chapters and flesh out the dynamic and relationships to help the reader understand what's happening better. I'm eagerly awaiting a second chapter as this was one of my favorite reads in a while! Please feel free to correct my summary if I was mistaken at any point.
I hope my review was helpful and I look forward to reading more of your work soon!
Keep Writing,
~Katja
Hi Katja! Thank you for the review! Motivation springs to life when I read positive reviews, and I can't thank you enough for providing personal opinions and pointing out small flaws that help goes with correction. Unfortunate to say though, there won't be a second chapter for quite a while as I am currently working on the prequel to this story.
Thank you again for the review!
Hello, I'm here to do a review on your lovely story, since it's sitting in the Green Room with no reviews.
I'd just like to start this review out by saying, WOAH! This was amazing! I've never read another story like this one before, and I love it!! I enjoyed every part of this story, and never once looked away from my computer screen as I read this.
I'm not really one for really giving out a lot of criticism, so sorry if you were looking for that! I'd just like to say once again that this was good, and I hope to read more of your works!! I know that they'll be just as good as this one was. When I read this, I could tell that you can go far, just don't give up on your dreams! Honestly, I don't really have anything other negative things to write, because this piece is done well. Keep up the great work, and don't ever stop believing in yourself!!
Thanks for the review Emilee!
It's not a problem! ^-^
Oh right, just thought I'd let you know that chapter 2 won't be completed anytime soon. I am currently working on a prequel of this story regarding two of the character's origins before the events of The Successor. The story is called "The Wrong Era," and you can find up to chapter 8 (some of which are not reworked yet) here on YWS in case you're interested. Thank you for the follow and the motivational boost!
Oh, sounds good! I'll go and find it right now