18+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Successor, The Fall of Morrow (3.1)

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

(Updated)

For the first time in Morrow’s history, the lights of the camp spun green, and the microphones laced around the walls didn’t call for a defense. At first there were a lot of confusions. Many grabbed their weapons and headed towards the wall, only to stop and stare at the green lights and listen to the alert that they thought they would never hear. Today would become known as operation, “First Strike.”

Upon Prof. Kamui’s orders, specific magically gifted fighters gathered at the top floor for briefing. Five in total: Blaze, Douglas, Joshua, Kent, and Lucas; as well as one uninvited guest.

Amy was the first out of the elevator, and she stormed right over to Ren and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “Care to explain why I wasn’t called!?” She growled.

“You and I both know why.”

“That’s sexist and you know it!”

“It’s for the sake of the future!” Ren argued. “If you or any more women die, Cecilia here might actually become the Eve of Morrow! Or even the whole world!”

“Oh, so you think I’ll die and she won’t!?” Amy scowled.

“You know exactly why I think that!”

Amy only caught a glimpse from her peripheral, but it was enough to pull her attention to Cecilia. Ren would follow in turn to see what was so interesting. Cecilia stared at the ceiling with a flushed red face while trying to hide an obvious grin.

After seeing that, Amy couldn’t help but prance over, “Oooooh! Someone’s having some dirty thoughts.” Amy lightly pushed Cecilia in a playful flirty manner.

“I’m available, just a reminder!” Joshua eagerly alerted as he dropped into the couch.

“Oh shit! See? I told you that was Cecilia. Ain’t no one else gonna make the ground shake like that.” Kent limped over to the couch and carefully lowered himself. Once comfy in his chair, he flipped the flap of his cloak over revealing his bandaged and broken left arm.

“It’s not like anyone doubted it,” Lucas had half of his face bandaged, and a red blot stain over his right eye.

“Josh, when you outsmart Ren and beat him in a fight, I’ll sleep with you every night,” Amy flirted. Douglas, Kent, and Lucas all burst into a mocking scream at Joshua. Not at the fact that she just sent out an open invitation, but at the impossible condition to receive her consent.

“Oh shut up, as if any of you guys are any better,” Joshua slumped and crossed his arms.

“If you’re done playing around, please leave. We’re wasting time,” said Ren.

“Do you at least have a place for me to go?”

“You’re in charge of defense. Keep watch and protect the walls.”

“Do we at least get some miracle blood now that Cecilia is here?”

“I already had Cecilia visit the medics. Figure out how much they took, and split it evenly with everyone else. Keep a vial for yourself, and use the rest for the injured here.

Amaterasu, power on.”

The holofloor powered on and displayed the 3D map where the hellspawns and Lust gathered. The moment the holograms appeared, Amy took off to the elevator, seemingly satisfied with Ren’s answers.

“It’s just a fantasy by the way!” Cecilia shouted sassily at Amy as the elevator door closed. “And it's going to stay a fantasy,” her tone immediately turned dead and serious as she gave looks to the hooligans.

“Scout leader, situation update,” Ren requested.

A screen popped up in the air, showing a camera view of a soldier talking into their holowatch. Of course, the environment being the way it is, he was mostly covered. The typical hoodie, helmet, mask, and goggles.

“Bad guys growing by the minute, Ren. At this rate, we’ll be outnumbered one to twenty, but they’re definitely protecting something in that empty wasteland. Lust’s staff is still leaking purple mist, and waving it around in the air.”

“Acknowledged, keep your squad hidden, continue watch, and keep me updated on numbers. I’ll be calling in shortly.”

“Roger that. Scout leader out.”

“We don’t have a lot of time, so I’m going to have to make this quick. We found dirt on the person Cecilia’s been looking for.”

Everyone on the couch immediately sat up a little straighter upon hearing that. Ren pulled up the profile paper of Fuyu for everyone to see. Some were glued to the picture, and some traded looks with each other. But before anyone could get a word in, Ren continued his explanation.

“This is Fuyu, and he’s proof that magic has been around for just a little longer than eighteen years. Thanks to this document, we were able to track his last known location.” Ren stood on top of the blank spot where all the hellspawns gathered. After that, he changed the holograms to a planet-wide view to show the other Sin’s most recent position. “For whatever reason, this very spot happens to be very popular with the Sins. At the same time that we discovered Fuyu’s existence no less. This is no coincidence. Naturally, Lust is already there, and as you’ve already heard; she’s up to something. The other five Sins are en route to help with whatever is so important that they decided it’s worth traveling across the planet. Our objective here is to claim whatever is hidden in this spot before the other Sins arrive. Gluttony will be the first, and he’ll arrive within twelve hours.

I called the five of you here because I need your magic to pull off this operation.”

Their faces lit up, except for Blaze who as far as everyone’s history with him, never really expressed himself.

Douglas was the first to break the silence with a chuckle to a joyful laughter, “So we finally got a clue to finding the lucky boy.”

“Damn, and here I was hoping to get with Cecilia before she found her hubby,” Joshua said in a half-assed joking manner.

“Let’s say that somehow happened, you’d probably die if she got a little rough with you, even without using Ki,” said Kent.

“At the very least, he’d die with a raging boner,” Lucas jumped in.

The four went wild with laughter, even Blaze, Cecilia, and Ren couldn’t help but smile at the humor.

“You guys still remember the pledges from the club back at the academy?” Asked Ren.

“To heart,” Joshua said, proudly. “”The Wrong Era, will always have Cecilia’s back.”

Douglas slapped his knee, bursting with energy and jumped up. So much that the hoodie of his cloak came off and his dreadlocks flew all over the place. “Woo! Let’s fucking do this! We got you, girl!”

As soon as Douglas did that, everyone but Blaze cheered as well, though Lucas and Kent flinched from their injuries as they tried to raise their fists.

“Thanks, guys,” Cecilia said, trying to contain her embarrassment of all their support.

“Hey um...don’t want to spoil the moment, but we’re kind of hurt,” Kent groaned.

“Right,” Cecilia walked over to them. She opened her right hand into a chop, and with a swift motion, her left palm was cut open and bleeding. First Kent, then Lucas, she held her left hand above their mouths and they drank whatever blood dripped. Within seconds of them digesting her blood, Kent and Lucas hunched over trying to stop themselves from spazzing out, but failed to keep their painful groaning inside. Within another few seconds, they would lean back into the couch and take a breather before they jumped up and removed their bandages.

Kent bounced up and down testing his limp leg and stretching his left arm. Lucas took off the bandages on his head and poked his eye just to see if it had actually returned; he had both eyes.

“I am never going to get used to that feeling,” Kent said, twisting and turning his left arm.

“So where do you want us?” Asked Lucas.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
brotherGeo
Review

Hello Comrade!
Only one review here so why not.

For the first time in Morrow’s history, the lights of the camp spun green, and the microphones laced around the walls didn’t call for a defense. At first there were a lot of confusions. Many grabbed their weapons and headed towards the wall, only to stop and stare at the green lights and listen to the alert that they thought they would never hear. Today would become known as operation, “First Strike.”

Excellent starting paragraph, you pictured how confused the people were when they found out they were on the offensive. Putting quotation marks around 'first strike' is unnecessary unless someone is saying it, apostrophes would be more fitting.

“Josh, when you outsmart Ren and beat him in a fight, I’ll sleep with you every night,” Amy flirted. Douglas, Kent, and Lucas all burst into a gloating scream at Joshua

You did a good job betraying the horny and flirtatious mood of teens using humour throughout this piece, however you could expend on that and talk about the hysterical nature of people before a dangerous fight or lethal situation. one more thing; i'm not sure gloating scream really works, not only are multiple people doing it but i'm sure there are better terms you could use. (I would find some examples but i can't be bothered)

A screen popped up in the air, showing a camera view of a soldier talking into their holowatch. Of course, the environment being the way it is, he was mostly covered. The typical hoodie, helmet, mask, and goggles.

Good visuals and it really says something about the environment, an excellent description.

Within seconds of them digesting her blood, Kent and Lucas hunched over trying to stop themselves from spazzing out, but failed to keep their painful groaning inside. Within another few seconds, they would lean back into the couch and take a breather before they jumped up and removed their bandages.

That's some pretty crazy healing. it may just be me but i'm getting the feeling of Cecelia being a bit of a Mary Sue. however i still have more to find out so i may be wrong.

Overall a well written piece, good tension builder for things to come. Flow was good and it wasn't hard to read at any point which is good. There are a few grammar and punctuation errors here and there but i'm sure some thorough re-reading will help you find them.
Keep Writing!
-brotherGeo

User avatar
kaitlyn
Review

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Aand I am back for another part of this novel.

First Impression: Looks like we are about to set out. And a very interesting healing technique that. I guess it will get a bit more explanation eventually (or maybe there was already one and I forgot. If that's the case, sorry). And some nice banter there between the characters. It showed really effectively that they had been working together for quite some time.

Anyway let's get to it,

For the first time in Morrow’s history, the lights of the camp spun green, and the microphones laced around the walls didn’t call for a defense. At first there were a lot of confusions. Many grabbed their weapons and headed towards the wall, only to stop and stare at the green lights and listen to the alert that they thought they would never hear. Today would become known as operation, “First Strike.”


Well that's more subtle worldbuilding to let us know the kind of situation this camp has been in for the past few years so nice job there.

Amy was the first out of the elevator, and she stormed right over to Ren and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. “Care to explain why I wasn’t called!?” She growled.


So he never bothered to tell anyone this earlier? From the stuff you mentioned earlier this sounded like a principle that he has used quite a few times before or at least that's the sense that I got from that first chapter.

A screen popped up in the air, showing a camera view of a soldier talking into their holowatch. Of course, the environment being the way it is, he was mostly covered. The typical cloak, helmet, mask, and goggles.


I'm assuming this camera is in fact in the holowatch itself. If that's the case though that cloak might not be very visible.

“This is Fuyu, and he’s proof that magic has been around for just a little longer than eighteen years. Thanks to this document, we were able to track his last known location.” Ren stood on top of the blank spot where all the hellspawns gathered. After that, he changed the holograms to a planet-wide view to show the other Sin’s most recent position. “For whatever reason, this very spot happens to be very popular with the Sins. At the same time that we discovered Fuyu’s existence no less. This is no coincidence. Naturally, Lust is already there, and as you’ve already heard; she’s up to something. The other five Sins are en route to help with whatever is so important that they decided it’s worth traveling across the planet. Our objective here is to claim whatever is hidden in this spot before the other Sins arrive. Gluttony will be the first, and he’ll arrive within twelve hours.


That builds some nice tension. This does a good job of establishing a time frame for the whole thing and informing us of the main threats without giving away too much detail. So great job there.

Their faces lit up, except for Blaze who as far as everyone’s history with him, never really expressed himself. Oftentimes he kept the upper half of his head hidden with his favorite hoodie even before the whole apocalypse started.


The rest of that paragraph after mentioning Blaze's lack of reaction seems like it could have been implied more subtly throughout the rest of the chapter rather than it being laid out like that.

“Hey um...don’t want to spoil the moment, but we’re kind of hurt,” Kent groaned.


Well that took a while to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

“So where do you want us?” Asked Lucas.


Time for action now!! I can't wait for the next chapter.

Aand that's it for that.

Overall: Overall it's a really nice segment that does a good job with building up tension for the coming fight while simultaneously giving us a really good look at the sort of camaraderie shared by the people that are going to be the ones doing the fighting. Overall it's really well done.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

This review courtesy of
Image

Another fast review. I can't thank you enough, and will always be thankful in future uploads. Reading positive feedback and concerns such as this is the greatest medicine for slumps and motivation.

As for some clarification regarding Ren not telling people things, is closely tied to his leadership ability. As always, there's always some level of information that weaves a pyramid of importance, and everyone functions on a different level of intelligence. Feel free to use your imagination as to why he does things the way he does.

Have a good day, Harry!

Your Welcome!!
Ahh...makes sense. That tends to happen in most organizations.
You have a good day too!! Looking forward to more of this novel. :D



For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn