Divided
I know you want what’s best for me,
But are you sure this isn’t what’s best for you?
I know you both just want me to see
Your side in the argument when I can’t choose
Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think
It makes me sick, to see your hateful words
I miss the way, we were all together
And here today, we are now divided
Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me
I think you don’t know who I am
You never took the time to get to know me
Now i’m alone, stuck in a clam
Who am I in this world without honesty?
Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think
It makes me sick, to see your hateful words
I miss the way, we were all together
And here today, we are now divided
Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me
I love you both
But I just wish you’d love each other
I love you both
But why did you go find another?
I love you both
But do you love me?
I’m sorry.
Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think
It makes me sick, to see your hateful words
I miss the way, we were all together
And here today, we are now divided
Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me
I’m just a kid, but you don't know how to help me
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,609 Literary Works • 672,052 Reviews
Hi there @Luke14 I am here to do a review on this Grate poem, First things first I can say that this is a grate length.
Lovely first line to the poem here it is really nice, I feel like there is all ready some sort of connection here, I also feel like the line can just mean so many things.Some lovely lines
And see the first line and the second go really will I think, the connection to both is really nice, the way they both seem to be looking out for one another.
I feel like this is very true and realistic, but I do think that you could say the same thing a bit better I will put this in suggestions to show you what I mean, also you will notes that My line is a bit shorter I will put you line under the one that I do a little with
What I feel needs a bit of work
I do not really get this bit of the hole argument thing it feels like you have gone from trust and being true to every on, and now it has turned into, an argument and seeming to not like each other.
Suggestion
Mine: Your just a kid, you don’t know any better.
you: Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think
So That is all that I can say about your poem, So keep up the good work, and let me no if you like what I did with the line that is in suggestions.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill, you have been blazed by Team Red Like Roses
Thank you!! Your review was really helpful.
your welcome
This is amazing!
I cannot find anything wrong with this at all.
Your punctuation was spot on.
For the most part your capitals were okay. I would like to point out something though a friendly suggestion, These lines would look better it that I'm were capital.
Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me
Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me
Now i’m alone, stuck in a clam
And oh my gosh! I can relate to that entire song.
Luke17, you spoke my own heart!
Thank you for posting this. Please post again. I would like to thank you for joining YWS.
Amazing job!
Thank you so much! My goal is to capture people with what I write, i'm so glad you liked it.
I'm sorry for everything that's happening to you right now, and I hope you can feel better about this soon. But talk to them about this, their your parents, everything will calm down and everyone will settle. Again, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but you will feel better again, promise.
Thank you! I didn't want you to feel bad about this. I was actually thinking I a was being too vauge. But thank you for your kind words, and i'm sorry if I made you feel bad when you read it.