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Divided

by Luke14


Divided

I know you want what’s best for me,

But are you sure this isn’t what’s best for you?

I know you both just want me to see

Your side in the argument when I can’t choose

Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think

It makes me sick, to see your hateful words

I miss the way, we were all together

And here today, we are now divided

Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me

I think you don’t know who I am

You never took the time to get to know me

Now i’m alone, stuck in a clam

Who am I in this world without honesty?

Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think

It makes me sick, to see your hateful words

I miss the way, we were all together

And here today, we are now divided

Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me

I love you both

But I just wish you’d love each other

I love you both

But why did you go find another?

I love you both

But do you love me?

I’m sorry.

Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think

It makes me sick, to see your hateful words

I miss the way, we were all together

And here today, we are now divided

Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me

I’m just a kid, but you don't know how to help me


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169 Reviews


Points: 11172
Reviews: 169

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Sun Dec 30, 2018 12:21 pm
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EagleFly wrote a review...



Hi there @Luke14 I am here to do a review on this Grate poem, First things first I can say that this is a grate length.

Some lovely lines

I know you want what’s best for me,
Lovely first line to the poem here it is really nice, I feel like there is all ready some sort of connection here, I also feel like the line can just mean so many things.

But are you sure this isn’t what’s best for you?
And see the first line and the second go really will I think, the connection to both is really nice, the way they both seem to be looking out for one another.

Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think
I feel like this is very true and realistic, but I do think that you could say the same thing a bit better I will put this in suggestions to show you what I mean, also you will notes that My line is a bit shorter I will put you line under the one that I do a little with

What I feel needs a bit of work

Your side in the argument when I can’t choose
I do not really get this bit of the hole argument thing it feels like you have gone from trust and being true to every on, and now it has turned into, an argument and seeming to not like each other.

Suggestion
Mine: Your just a kid, you don’t know any better.
you: Your just a kid, you don’t know what to think

So That is all that I can say about your poem, So keep up the good work, and let me no if you like what I did with the line that is in suggestions.

@EagleFly out to seek and kill, you have been blazed by Team Red Like Roses




Luke14 says...


Thank you!! Your review was really helpful.



EagleFly says...


your welcome



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107 Reviews


Points: 58
Reviews: 107

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Thu Dec 27, 2018 12:33 am
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Katnes wrote a review...



This is amazing!
I cannot find anything wrong with this at all.
Your punctuation was spot on.
For the most part your capitals were okay. I would like to point out something though a friendly suggestion, These lines would look better it that I'm were capital.
Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me
Yeah i’m just a kid, but you don’t know what to think of me
Now i’m alone, stuck in a clam

And oh my gosh! I can relate to that entire song.
Luke17, you spoke my own heart!
Thank you for posting this. Please post again. I would like to thank you for joining YWS.
Amazing job!




Luke14 says...


Thank you so much! My goal is to capture people with what I write, i'm so glad you liked it.



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101 Reviews


Points: 28
Reviews: 101

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Wed Dec 26, 2018 3:15 am
Horisun says...



I'm sorry for everything that's happening to you right now, and I hope you can feel better about this soon. But talk to them about this, their your parents, everything will calm down and everyone will settle. Again, I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but you will feel better again, promise.




Luke14 says...


Thank you! I didn't want you to feel bad about this. I was actually thinking I a was being too vauge. But thank you for your kind words, and i'm sorry if I made you feel bad when you read it.




Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
— Shinji Moon