October 25
It was my birthday yesterday
But I don’t feel like living today
I missed the bus in another way
So try and ditch me if you may
I’m sick of it
Why do you hate me?
Why did this happen?
You left me out and behind
Where I couldn't find
You.
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,619 Reviews
Hi Luke! so this was like the first poem i read when i first joined the site; and I wasn't confident enough to review this back then, so i'm finally writing what i think of this (really sad) poem.
First, I hope you are doing better; New years gonna bring lots of new opportunities; new hopes, so leave this year to this year, start the new days cheerfully. Remember, Every mountain has a valley, but after every valley you'll find another peak
So i like how you rhymed this at the beginning; i always think rhyming poems sound better and show more skill (no offense to anyone here; this is just my novice opinion). However, the rhymes at the end of the third and fourth sentence seem a little forced, don't you think? Because "I missed the bus in another way" just doesn't sound right, know what i mean? In the fourth sentence, may also doesn't sound that right (when you put may at the end of a sentence, it usually means a request for permission).
What I really like is how you ended the last line. You broke "Where I couldn't find You." in to two parts so that find rhymes with behind (added benefit; and a genius move;), and the single 'YOU' you chose to end with makes a bold statement, you show how strongly you feel for this person, like the image of this person requires an entire line to herself/himself.
So all in all, this actually excellent, (if you ignore the errors i pointed out, which i think you should because I am uselessly and unjustifiably strict when it comes to grammar, subject-verb agrrement and sentence construction). Keep writing, keep expressing your feelings!
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you came back to review one of my little old poems. I do tend to take some liberties when writing, so you got me there. And grammer, I definaly need to work on. Me and grammer, don't along often. Anway, thanks for reviewing so much of my work!
Hi Luke, I do not know what to say. It left me speechless...
I hope you are fine and doing well... Just remember what is happening is happening for something good.and maybe he doesn't deserve you.. Don't be hurt by someone else mistake or stupidity.. You are worth more than that....
Thank you, your kindness greatly appreciated. Also, I like your profile picture.
Most welcome and thank u
This hit me so hard! If I could, I would give you a hug. I know how you feel, and this poem...I'm crying for you. I hope I can help you somehow, someway. I can't put how I feel into words...I want you to know that there are people out there who care, and I am one. I want to get to know you, and to help you!
That sounded creepy...I don't mean it like that...I'm failing at expressing myself. I'm a pretty awkward person, so sorry that this is sooo...weird.
No, it's not weird at all. I wish more people were kind and understanding like you! Your words help me so much. Thank you!