The Escape
Your leaving here in the morning
Not coming back this afternoon
First I got to tell you something
Gotta know before I see the moon
If I leave this world tonight
Promise me that you will thrive
Honestly I hate those brights
They exposed your frights
Your happier without me
Your happier without me
Here
What difference, would it make?
I would like to make you laugh too
But I don’t exist or i’m a bore
If I am human just like you
Then why is talking to me a chore?
If I leave this world tonight
Promise me that you will thrive
Honestly I miss my frights
It’s no longer bright
It’s no longer bright
Your happier without me
Your happier without me
Here
So what difference does it make?
If I, disappear
My sub conscience mask is stuck to me
I thought it’d keep me safe
Now I just, want to be free
I wanna look just like me....
....again
So If I leave this world tonight
Promise me that you will thrive
Honestly I hate those brights
They all made me blind
To you
To me
To the love that I sould see
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,619 Reviews
Hi, Shikora here with a review.
Let's get to it.
I really like this song you have come up with. It's really nice, the works are full of so much emotion and feeling, almost makes it feel so real. I really like the name you chose, I think it goes really well with the words and the meaning behind this song.
But sadly I did see a few thing that need to be fixed, but that is why I'm here.
The only thing I really did see, is that you have know punctuation, and it really affects your song. It doesn't allow us to feel the tune that it's apposed to be in. So I'm going to point out one or to things to show you, then you can do the rest yourself.
This needs a question mark at the end.
And this one needs a comma.
So I just pointed those two out to show you what I mean, but there is a trick to spotting the places where the punctuation should go. You should read your work aloud to yourself and see were ever you stop for breath is were you put the commas question marks and all that stuff.
Well that's all from me for now. I really liked reading and reviewing your work, and I really hope to see more from you. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
Shikora.
Thank you so much! I will get right on my corrections.
Glad I could help you out.
Hi, tinybookfaire here for a review...
I can really tell this was a song and i honestly wish that I could hear the song in person. I love the theme, I love your word play, and I love what you were meaning in this song. Now, there is one part that I would like to point out is the part that said....
First I gotta tell you something
Gotta know before you see my moon.
I’m not really sure what you mean by “moon” but I would just like to suggest another way you could put it.
First I gotta tell you something
Gotta know before I’ll never see you.
Everything else is pretty lyrical and good, but this was the only part I would like to bring to your attention. I would like to understand what you’re referring to when you say “If I, disappear”, but besides that, I think you did a wonderful job and it’s too bad that I can’t hear this song in person. Keep up the good work!
Well disapear meaning to go away, it's saying what difference because the speaker is asking how would it be any different if he were not there, considering he believes he hardly has a preceance being there anyhow. But, I could of added a little something to make it easier to understand. And when I put, "before you see my moon," that was a metaphor, meaning, before he dies, the moon being a symbol of night. But I can understand how one could misinterpret that, thank you for pointing it out!
Yeah, that%u2019s kind of what I thought as as well and you%u2019re welcome.
