To begin, in the first stanza you use the word ‘alone’ four times. I was confused as to why you wanting to be alone and yet you ware walking alone already. I think a good synonym would serve good purpose perhaps just the last one. Just a thought!
I realized quickly that you use repetion a lot with certain words, ‘alone, empty,rest’. I feel like in some of those instances maybe reaching out for a different word would be a little more enjoyable to read.
I love the deep ness to this poem. You did a great job. I really enjoyed the stance beginning with “i’m Here, i’m here’ it was full of great imagery about escaping the people who cannot help you.
One last thought, I think i’d Love to understand why you need help in throughout. What is the cause of this pain?
Great job! I really like it.
Points: 82
Reviews: 8
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