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Her Plight

by Louisiana15


From forth the rolling waves of the sea;

from above the froth's light breeze

comes the sound of a Young Maid's plea

heartbreaking enough to bring the strongest to their knees--

-

The Maid cries out for aid

before Death's visit is paid.

the wind carries Her pleas while tears course down Her face--

She lays bound in the hidden place.

-

Chained to a table of stone

She lies all alone.

taken from the light

where none may hear Her plight--

this Maiden has been lost

for, at all cost,

Her captors chain Her in this prison.

-

Bare is Her room,

dark as the night.

Death is Her doom

as She loses the fight.

-

While Love is searching far and wide

She is fading in the daylight;

Her mind searches far and wide;

Love travels in the daylight.

-

Hearing Her pleas,

Love follows the breeze;

searching for the hidden room

before it becomes Her tomb.


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28 Reviews


Points: 452
Reviews: 28

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Thu Sep 20, 2018 4:03 pm
xJoeyx wrote a review...



Henlo, we meet again, Louisiana15.

First off, I really liked this poem a lot. It is really deep and I feel like in a sense it is like love is the reason she died.

I feel like there is a load of symbolism in this poem and I also think that there is a really good theme.
Could the theme be, "life and death" or "life is short"?
Im not completely 100% sure what your actually trying to get across to us, I know that there was most likely abuse involved and I know that she was hidden for a reason. But we don know why, how, where, or when. We have no idea but is actually going on or the reasoning behind it.
But overall I loved it a lot. Keep writing!!




Louisiana15 says...


Hello, again!

Thematically, I was going for Love isn't always free. In the sense of (general), you aren't able to love who you want.

I didn't want to tell the whole story within the poem, I wanted it to be broad enough to fit into anyone's life. As I said, I was going with the freedom of love (or the oppression of people preventing love if you are looking at it in a different view). I didn't want to write the full situation because then many wouldn't be able to relate to the whole theme/"feel". Do you think, from knowing this now, that I should have been more detailed about the why, how, where, and when?



xJoeyx says...


No. Now I realize why you didn't do that. Thank you for clearing that up for me!



Louisiana15 says...


Okay, thanks!



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9 Reviews


Points: 6
Reviews: 9

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Thu Sep 20, 2018 2:32 am
hermione2001 wrote a review...



Hi! So some suggestions. Grammar wise, be consistent with capitalization and punctuation. There are lots of little lines that just need grammar fixed and they would flow better. I love the idea but I would use more imagery. It draws the writer in and holds their attention. I love the story you are telling, but I would add some more tidbits of info about the Maiden. This poem was really good! I really enjoyed reading it! For some reason, it reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe's "Annabel Lee," one of my favorite poems and that made me love it more! Keep writing! I can't wait to read more from you! -Hermione




Louisiana15 says...


Hey, Hermione! Thanks for your review! :) I was going for the "Annabel Lee" feel but with that slight twist. I'll make sure to make edits! :)



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Points: 44
Reviews: 1

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Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:59 pm
KaiGaiBo wrote a review...



Hiya, Kai here, attempting a review.
I like this. While reading I wasn't looking for grammatical errors which I usually do. I wasn't trying to picture her, just loved her story. I like how each stanza flows nicely into the next. Something I personally am not liking is the way her pronouns are capitalized, it's a little distracting while trying to read. Something else to work on, is using the same word twice as a rhyme. I'll admit I do it sometimes as well. However, if you have time to revise or rewrite, I suggest working on that.




Louisiana15 says...


Hi! Thank you so much for your review! I'll make sure to work on it!




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