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Young Writers Society


Mature Content

Requiem Aeternam

by Louisiana15


Requiem aeternam.

Eternal rest.

Requiem aeternam.

Eternal rest. 

-

Sleep my soul, sleep.

Rest for the darkness is long.

Cradle me, love of mine. 

Then whisk me away to join the light.

-

Call out my name.

Let me hear it once more.

Now, begone.

For you must not witness my slumber.

-

Do not hinder my slumber;

Not again.

Time and time again

You have kept me awake...

-

No longer, my love--

I am leaving you.

My soul has taken others.

They are coming out soon.

Darkness, come to my aid!

Shield my slumber.

Let my slumber be eternal;

I no longer am hindered.

                      ****************************************************************

Clothed in the cold.

Naked in front of Truth.

Metal gleams in the reflection.

Eyes meet eyes--

-

My love, I hear your call.

Do not hinder my sleep.

Leave my love, before it is too late.

You should not watch my slumber.

-

Banging around me.

Truth staring back at me

Metal gleaming in the darkness

And blood flowing.

-

My love, go back to the bed.

My soul wishes to slumber.

Requiem aeternam.

My love, this is where I wish to rest.

                               ************************************************************

The door flies open and my love finds me.

Go, my love, while you can.

He grabs my metal and flings it away.

Now, why did you do that?

-

Clothes me; frantic with the bloody river.

Don't. Don't stop it. I like it.

Wraps my wrist; my thigh.

My love, that hurts me.

-

Wake up in a bed, with an IV in my arm.

Bindings holding me down.

Frantic movement in my hazy sight.

Hindered from my slumber, again--

                                    ***********************************************************

Requiem aeternam.

Eternal rest.

Requiem aeternam.

Eternal rest.

-

I will be alright, my love, do not worry.

I will not be hindered;

Darkness, shield my soul and let me slumber.

Leave me, my love, I wish to sleep...


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1227 Reviews


Points: 147270
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Sun Dec 30, 2018 6:15 pm
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hey Louisiana I found this to be an interesting spiritual reflection of a person who is dying, wants to welcome death/eternal rest, but finds themselves ripped back into life against their will. In the end it is not quite clear if maybe they're allowed to die peacefully or have just come to peace after being ripped back into life, but it's an interesting narrative.

I found these three stanzas to be the most confusing - and they seem to actually be the climax of the piece -

"The door flies open and my love finds me.
Go, my love, while you can.
He grabs my metal and flings it away.
Now, why did you do that?
-
Clothes me; frantic with the bloody river.
Don't. Don't stop it. I like it.
Wraps my wrist; my thigh.
My love, that hurts me.
-
Wake up in a bed, with an IV in my arm.
Bindings holding me down.
Frantic movement in my hazy sight.
Hindered from my slumber, again--"

So the rest of the piece has a formal distanced tone, and then this becomes casual with the dialogue phrases "why did you do that" / "don't stop it". The middle stanza I had the most difficulty with, because the words used seemed like they could be perceived as describing a sexual situation; which I think really distracts from the rest of the poem. I think it'd be best to clarify who the subject is (is the "love" a doctor, a god, an angel, a friend, a spouse?) and just what they're doing to them (it seemed like could be assaulting them, ripping out IVs, giving medicine, embracing them... who knows!) Since this is such a crucial point in the poem, I think the ambiguity is distracting, although you might have purposely had the subject sort of ambiguous to build up tension...

Overall, I really loved your word choice throughout the piece, it was old fashioned and reflective, but still really easy to read, and the flow was great.

I think you could take a second look at that middle section - but you've established some great tension on the reflections of someone who sees death as a final rest, which can be challenging and uncomfortable to read/think about sometimes.

Well done, keep up your writing!

~alliyah




Louisiana15 says...


Hi! Thank you so much for the review!!! I can see how the middle is confusing. She's trying to kill herself (she slit major arteries) and her love is trying to stop the bleeding and she says it hurts because she does not want to live anymore. But, yes, thank you for pointing it out!

Also, about the end: it's a cycle. She's telling her love to leave again and that she is free to die.

Thank you for your review!



alliyah says...


Thanks for the explanation, that makes sense! I also like the cycle deal, it added good continuity to the poem for it to sort of end where it had begun.



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Sat Dec 15, 2018 4:51 am
Samhain wrote a review...



This is an interesting poem, Louisiana. I have a few things to say.

First, it seems to me a little redundant to have "Requiem aeternam, Eternal sleep" written twice at the beginning and the middle. Especially the beginning.

Second: Is the italics versus regular speech supposed to be switching between narration and dialogue or different people? It was not very consistent the switching back and forth, and the meaning one should take from that emphasis. You should make that more clear to the reader, unless they won't understand how they are supposed to translate the poem. The line that especially makes no sense with italics is "Let me hear it once more". I don't get why the "once more" part is italicized where the rest of it is not.

Third thing: I think you use the word "slumber" way too much. It feels like a broken record to me. At least find different synonyms and vary the words a little more.

Fourth: The transition from describing how you want your lover to let you sleep to your lover doing some un-described and undisclosed thing to you and hurting you didn't make sense. It was kind of vague and I think it needs more description of what is actually happening, because it is not clear who this lover is or what he is even doing to you. One thing that I do understand is that he is hurting you somehow in a bad way. But then the last stanza shows no sign of that hurt, and only a refrain of the peaceful beginning of "Please let me sleep, my love".

I know this is a lot, and I hope this helps! You're doing great writing!

...Amadeus was here...




Louisiana15 says...


Hello! The italics is the narrator speaking to herself. the "once more" part is her wishing to hear her name one last time without telling her love it is the last time (at least she thinks so)

He is not hurting her in a bad way. I am not exactly sure if you read the description but if you did, it'd give insight to the poem. The girl just slit her wrist and deeply into her thigh to reach major arteries. She wishes to commit suicide--the eternal rest--and she says he is hurting her because he is stopping her... Just as the description mentions. and the last stanza is the repeating the events of the suicidal girl. Representing that it is a cycle for her.

I understand what you mean with the repetition of slumber. I will make sure to take note of it!

The requiem aeternam is what is the Latin phrase spoken to those who have died in a Catholic prayer--at least when it is prayed in Latin rather than the English translation. It is in the poem for strengthening the idea of suicide and death and eternal rest is the girl's goal. Not necessarily something all the audience would know...

Anyways, thanks for the review!



Samhain says...


Thank you for clarifying that! I had no idea that's what this poem meant. I totally translated it in a different way. I didn't see a description anywhere. But regardless it was a good poem, and you did a good job!



Louisiana15 says...


Thank you so much!




Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.
— Sylvia Plath