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Young Lady

by Louisiana15

Sit up, close your legs; pull down your shirt, go put on a tank top under that; change shorts, go put on jeans; that shirt will draw too much attention, those shorts are too short; stand up straight; walk; act the proper young lady you are meant to be; listen and do not speak out of turn; look at me when I am talking to you; do not walk away; you are a young lady, act it; why did you fail this?; why did you fail that?; I did not mean to, I tried, I really did try; give me that, you cannot have it back until I say so; family comes first, then school; school comes before friends; take care of your friends; ignore the drama, concentrate on your studies; do what is right; be the young lady you need to be; your brother did this, why can you not do it?; I am sorry!; your sister did this, why can you not do it?; I am trying!; you are not your siblings; I know that but sometimes I feel like I do not meet your standards; sometimes I feel ashamed; be the young lady you are meant to be; stay away from boys, they are gross; not all of them are…; can I not have friends who are boys?; come and talk to us, we are here for you; stop crying; stop frowning, you are fine; stop, there is nothing wrong with you; you know, we love you; be the young lady you are meant to be; do not let anyone force you to do something; think before you do or speak; say your prayers every night; you have nightmares?; you are fine, go back to sleep; You wonder why I am always tired and my answer is, I have nightmares; I cannot talk right now, I’m busy; you are not your grades; why did you fail this?; why did you fail that?; we are here for you; we are busy, right now, and cannot talk; we need to talk; what is said in this house, stays here; do not let your sister bully you, stand up to her; I wish I could, but it never works; I sit here being pushed around when I try; I need help, where were you when I needed you?; stop being dramatic; do not cry, everything is fine; as long as you do your best, I am satisfied; why did you fail this?; we see you only a few hours a day, put your phone away; do not talk with your mouth full; chew with your mouth closed; act like a proper young lady; God loves you, do not despair; there is no point in crying, that is enough, now; why did you not tell us?; I do not know; how could I have explained it to you?; are you scared?; Yes; what for?; I am afraid you will think of me differently; you know we love you; do not forget all we have taught you; stay humble; what is wrong?; why did you do that?; I do not know; you should have come to us, else it would have not happened; I tried, but you were busy; always walk with other girls; be the proper young lady and listen to what we say; do not go to your friends for help, come to us; we cannot talk right now, we are busy; be patient and wait like a young lady; you do not have to fit in with everyone else to be happy and to be a young lady; ignore what the people at school say; do not be afraid to ask us anything, we are here for you; what if I am too scared to or am too uncomfortable to?; a proper young lady would not pay attention to the gossip; walk away if your friends start gossiping; do not get involved in drama; you make the choice of being happy or sad, not us; you are wasting your life away being sad; you are going to look back and regret your decisions; I already do, I regret all of it; you are eating too much, eat less; you need to start working out; why have you not been eating?; that is not good for you; you need to eat, your body needs nutrition; you are not overweight, you need to eat; ignore what people say about you, they are not your parents; what others think does not matter, do not let it bother you; why do you wear so much makeup?; you do not need it; what have you learned?; be the young lady you are; sit up, do not slouch; look up when you walk; stop frowning, stop crying; God comes before everything; school comes before friends; we come before school; come to us if you need help; always know, we love you; do not spend your life in sadness, it is pointless; there is so much to be happy about; I wish I could feel as happy as you want me to be; you wear too much makeup—you do not need it—I wish I could say the same about that; Are you upset with me?; Yes, but I am not going to tell you that, what’s the point?; you aren’t sleeping?, just pray; you aren’t sleeping?, well, maybe you should get off your phone; you will be fine, just pray; I do and I am only on my phone because I can’t sleep; I make one mistake, and it turns into the biggest thing; I try not to let things get to me, but they do; I try to ignore what people say about me, but guess what?, they don’t accept me; I don’t feel wanted and yet I am still here; oh, stop, you’re being overdramatic; do you really believe those things?; yes, I actually do; the more you say such things, the more I believe it. I wake up wishing I didn’t; I go to school praying I will die; I leave school, wondering why I should go home or go anywhere for that matter; I go to bed wishing that I never wake up; That is a simplest summary I can give to you; I am but a shadow that you see; the rest of me is an empty shell; you say you understand how I am feeling, but do you really?; you can never know how I feel because you cannot stand in my shoes and experience what I experience.

Author's note: this is not supposed to be grammatically correct due to it being one sentence. The point was to express a central theme/idea. Please disregard the grammar (unless it's a comma splice or something like that) and let me know what you think! Thanks!

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57 Reviews

Points: 548
Reviews: 57

Mon Oct 01, 2018 1:34 am
1nspire wrote a review...

I'm amazed at how much I related to this. It's so cool that you showed all the contradicting things girls hear. I liked the way that you repeated certain lines for emphasis, and I think the style of using the semicolons, along with the italics to show responses was really cool and fun to read.

The last line actually gave me chills, just because of the truth in it. Even though I really related to this, I'm sure every person that reads it interprets it in a different way and has a slightly different understanding because everyone has there own experience with these situations.

Amazing work on this piece!

Louisiana15 says...

Thank you!

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1257 Reviews

Points: 36899
Reviews: 1257

Thu Sep 27, 2018 1:11 am
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niteowl wrote a review...

Hi there Louisiana15! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

Well, I have to say that was quite a challenge to try to fit a long rant into one sentence. I can't decide if using that many semi-colons basically as periods is "cheating" or not, but overall I think this was an effective piece. The sheer weight of the block of text of criticism and the often contradictory nature of the comments makes us feel like we're in the narrator's shoes. I've also heard a good portion of these myself from my mother, so it's very relatable.

I'm not sure how I feel about the speaker's thoughts in italics. On the one hand, it gives us her voice and response to what she's hearing, which sometimes adds some clarity to what's happening. However, it might be more effective to just have the criticisms and let the reader infer what the speaker is thinking.

stay away from boys, they are gross;

This doesn't seem like the way these parents would say this. I feel more like they would say boys are "a distraction" or "only after one thing". I would also find it hilarious if they then turned around and were like "oh come on don't you like anyone? Isn't he cute?" Then again, maybe that was just my mom concerned about me not liking/dating boys lol.

Overall, this was a very well-done rant. Keep writing! :D

Louisiana15 says...

Hello! Thank you for your review! Just some background: I actually am the narrator, not another character that the author typically speaks through. So, those thoughts were the exact thoughts I had when my parents said all of that to me. So, just that.

I can see what you mean about the narrator's thoughts and such. I feel partial to it, just because so many can interpret it a different way than the full message I am trying to convey, BUT thank you for giving me your opinion on that! It really helps!!

With the copied line you chose, the parents in this truly did say that... So, my parents have specifically said that to me since I was probably in 8th grade. That's why I chose such a phrase.

Again, thanks so much!!

niteowl says...

No problem. Yeah, I can see where the narrator's thoughts are helpful to conveying the message in some parts. And yes, I figured this was personal, but I try not to assume the author is the speaker because that's not always the case.

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28 Reviews

Points: 4
Reviews: 28

Wed Sep 26, 2018 7:04 pm
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ABC123 wrote a review...


Wow, that is one heck of a rant! I am seriously impressed that you managed to put all of that into one sentence.

I'm not going to go into the grammar because I am certainly no expert in that regard, but the way that you put your own thoughts next to the criticisms of the other people is powerful and makes me think of how much we as a society can find to criticise about life. This has made me determined to try and curb my own internal critic ;)

Thank you for sharing this.


Louisiana15 says...

Hello! Thank you for your thoughts on this piece. I think we can all use you as a model for: "This has made me determined to try and curb my own internal critic" Thank you for that!

Love is not an emotion. Love is a promise.
— 12th Doctor