Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Heart turned stone
Mind turned black
Lungs turned cold
Blood turned blue.
-
Eyes glazed
Lips stilled
Throat bruised
Fingers stiffened.
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White for wedding
Black for death
White and black—
Wedding to Death.
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Light outside
Dark inside
Beautiful face
Ugly mind.
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White teeth
Black neck;
Black mind
White soul.
-
A White Death
A Black Wedding
White String Cut
By Black Fates.
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
I think this poem is interesting conceptially, to have all these loosely connected images and words that some how construct a story - but I felt like there was almost not enough for me to figure out what it was about.
That being said, I almost am afraid to tackle an interpretation of this piece.
I interpreted this to be about Jack Skellington moving through the 9th circle of hell and then finding out it was time to get married, except he died before they could find the wedding cake. I'm not sure how close I am to the intended meaning, but I think I am at least right on the "scary vibe" I am getting from the poem.
I think you could add interspersing longer lines that sort of narrate the story a bit more concretely in between the short abrupt lines without loosing your effect. You might also think about adding some more unique descriptors. While some of them are really strong - like "white string cut" and "fingers stiffened" - some of them are rather generic - for instance you repeat the word "black" 7 times - which in a poem this short is super repetitive for such a generic word. I would see if you can find some words that evoke a bit more interest and imagery - like "shadowy" or "sinister".
As I said before, I'm all for the concept, I'm just not sure that the poem came together as a full picture though! Good luck in your continued writing endeavors!
~alliyah
Hi! This is the death of a person is all. They hung themself (hence the bruised neck). The wedding to Death is dying. White for the wedding dress or another way of looking at it is white is the color of virginity/ innocence. Black for the fact of death as worn for a funeral. Overall, the death of an innocent, giving him/herself in marriage to Death.
My whole point with all the description was to paint a picture, not an actualy story, that was unique to each person who read it. But the whole picture that is drawn if you look merely at the words would lead to the suicide of a person (does not specify gender).
Shortness and repetition is the importance of making this piece. Light and dark, black and white are commonly used with life and death, thus describing the now-lifeless being. Life is so short and Death simply described. I was not looking for a "spooky" sort of feel but one that ended somberly.
I hope that clears things up! Let me know if it doesn't!
Hey louisiana !
I don't have the words to describe it . Maybe beautiful , amazing , intresting , fantastic, superb , excellent, marvellous. The use of black anf white with the life and death . Amazing really , ver amazing indeed . Greatly described , construct and thought. I wonder what gave you an idea like this.
Hope you really keep on writing like this, keep on going and never ever think to give up. ...... hope you reach the top .
Ifyou have time , please visit my profile , i have wriiten just one poem yet but hope you like it ☺ . Give your review too .
Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words!!!! Inspiration comes from myself and my life. I would love to look at your poem!!!!
Your welcome %u263A
!!!!! I really liked this poem, it's so cool! The use of white and black and the structure is awesome!!!
Thanks!
Dang, that is awesome. I especially love the third paragraph, just amazing. 😍 great job
Thank you!!
No, thank u. %uD83D%uDC4D