The TV screen buzzed with truth hiding static. A technological taunt, prompting questions and theories, the truth now lay on the other side of Europe.
"No, No No No, this can't be true," panted Tom in shock.
"Tom, what did you just see? Directly in front of you?" shouted Catherine. For once her tone wasn't sarcastic, which meant this was deadly serious.
"What the hell are we going to do?" stammered Maria, her eyes still interlocked with the imageless screen. She was obviously deep in thought, but she couldn't concentrate on a single thought for more than a second. Maria had too many thoughts and questions whizzing around in her head.
"It does not look like we're going home anytime soon, fighting those things seems impossible if they got into the studio so quickly," theorized Ian, with a puzzled look on his face. He was concentrating on the thought so much you could practically see the cogs working in his mind.
Tom looked up slowly, with the bright light of realization on his face.
"Calais" he mumbled in thought.
"What did you say?" asked Maria, turning to face him slowly, with a look of confusion.
"Calais, we need to get to Calais," said Tom.
"Did they put something in your pizza? That's a terrible idea!" exclaimed Ian, a look of total bewilderment on his face.
"Where else are we supposed to go? We have two options, wait to get thrown on the street and be mugged, or go to Calais," reasoned Tom, looking very serious and immersed in his plan, as usual.
"Guys, stop arguing, it's been a hectic day, we should get some sleep then come to a decision in the morning," said Catherine gently, for once she was being rather reasonable about things. Maturing in five minutes is impossible, but back in the UK, the impossible was already in motion.
* * *
London, Oxford, Manchester, all under attack from these mutant lizards. Glasgow, Cardiff, Bristol, the same thing. With Edinburgh and London suffering the worst. It had now been five days since humanity's supposed pyre was lit, and the flames of destruction were already intensifying. Downing street had been viciously attacked, the door ripped off savagely, with dozens of them racing through and quickly going in for the kill. The army defending number ten Downing street did not stand a chance. It happened so quickly that they were all caught off-guard.
"Well Well, Primeminister, I honestly expected your forces to put up more of a fight!" chuckled the bronze lizard darkly.
"Who are you? No, infact, what are you?" snapped the Primeminister, trying to remain strong.
"We are The Reptiliad, and we have come to take back what nature promised us!" shouted the bronze lizard, "But I am Lord Venom, leader of The Reptiliad and future ruler of the Earth," he explained. "Now, I'll ask you again, where are they?" he asked, through gritted teeth.
"If you think I, or anyone else in this government is going to give up our allies to you, you're wrong. I'll die before I betray my own kind, just like you betrayed humanity" said the Primeminister accusedly.
"Betrayed? Betrayed!" boomed Venom, "You were the ones that liberated us from your own control! This was your doing and we thank you for it! Because now we can topple you and take over as the dominant species! But yes, I believe what you were saying, you will die before betraying your species!" growled the lizard triumphantly. Just as he was about to raise his claw for the final strike, the sound of toppling rubble came from the direction of the door. A man stood there, who was clearly nervous, but somehow not afraid. He wore a grey suit with a purple tie, with black pointy shoes. His hair was blonde like the sunlight that hid behind him, and his excited grey eyes glinted with optimism.
"What is the meaning of this? Run human, whilst you still can," warned one of the guard lizards, with a scar across his face.
"I don't have any hostile intent towards any of you, that man over there won't squeal, but I will, I've had enough of being an underdog, just like you." muttered the man, with a sly grin creeping across his face.
"Very well, you have my attention so far, who are you and what are you proposing, may I ask?" enquired Lord Venom.
"I am Vincent Dunthorpe, head of Dunthorpe Trading, and as I said, like you, I too am an underdog," Vincent explained. The lizard continued to stare at him, as he was obviously now interested by what the human was suggesting.
"Interesting," mumbled Lord Venom, "If you will squeal, unlike this scum over here, then put forth your ideas,"
"How could you?!" shouted the Primeminister, who had almost been forgotten in the corner of the room, "Traitor! Turning on your own people! You will pay for this, mark my words!" he screamed desperately.
"It seems you are no longer needed, and you are really starting to piss me off" growled Lord Venom. Without even turning to face him, Venom fired a claw at the Primeminister, and he slumped to the floor, dead.
"Well, if you're looking to attack neighbouring countries, head South, France is just across the English Channel. But you can also head North and use Scotland to attack Norway, which also is only a short distance by sea," he suggested. Lord Venom rose and examined Vincent carefully, a dark grin appeared on his face again.
"We have an alliance, you and your men shall accompany us on the path to World Domination!" boomed Lord Venom powerfully. With that they walked out of the building, leaving the British Government in ruins behind them.
* * *
End of chapter
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138,198 Literary Works • 672,081 Reviews
When did he ask the first time??
GOSH. Stop having me on the edge of my seat. *pouts* I might fall off. Nonetheless, I'm loving this.
Trading little twit. Sorry for the language. Although I LOVE that you have a traitor is this and it's not one of Tom's friends. That would just be cliche in my opinion. Anyway, I shall keep reading. 3 - 6 here I come.
Glad you're on the edge of your seat! I do hope to get this published one day
. Still though, read chapter eight, and some questions about that will remain unanswered until book 2.
Hello! Same deal as last time - I'm going to keep it fairly large picture and if you want me to go any more in-depth I'll be happy to do so
Let me know if anything I said was confusing or if you have any questions!
Some things I'm noticing in this chapter:
1. It may because I'm not reading slowly enough, but some of the prose sounds awkwardly worded to me. I've found the best way to catch weirdly worded sentences or phrases is to first put the document in a different size or font that what you've been using (it helps you see it a new way), and then read it out loud.
2. Plot things - I feel like the part before the *** belongs in the previous chapter. To me, it seems rational to have the character's reactions to this news right after they get the news, especially if they aren't going to anything right away. Personally I expected more panic about the news than what they showed (choosing to go to bed and deal with it tomorrow), but that's beside the point :p I think this naturally goes in with what you were talking about in the last chapter, especially since it seems like you switch focuses a little after the ***. Remember detail - facial expressions, eyebrows, hands, actions, emotions, thoughts - show us their reactions.
3. A good use of telling comes immediately after the ***. I think this is a perfect place to start the chapter is this is precisely when you want to use telling. It would take forever to show how the lizards took over all of those places, and that doesn't really matter for moving the plot forward. What matters is that it happened.
4. Pacing - I think you could still slow down quite a bit. You've introduced more characters now and I still haven't really gotten a handle on the first bunch you introduced in the previous chapter. I know I said the telling after the *** was good, and you can keep it, but think about where your priorities are for the novel (which only you can answer). What is going to be the main point or conflict of this novel - the overtaking of the lizards? the lizards taking over the world? something else? Depending on the focus you're going for, you might want to do a tad more showing about how they've risen to power and how they've taken over so many places in such a short amount of time. Five days and they're fighting in seven cities? How is that possible? How many lizards are there? What kinds of tactics do they use to fight? How is all of this happening? It might be helpful to your reader to slow this down a little more and develop how all of this is happening. Also, in terms of the new characters - the guy that has joined forces with the lizards and wants to help them - I'd appreciate some more character development about his motivations and intentions and why he's doing what he's doing.
I'll leave it there for now! I'll come back tomorrow for the rest!
Hey there, yizhongt here to give a review and to get this well written piece out of the green room.
So I finally get to see where the traitorous Vincent starts off. I dislike him even more now, but it would be good if you could incorporate why he feels like the underdog perhaps? Maybe a bit of background? Story wise, it is very good. I was hooked on it and kept scrolling down.
Now there are two small minor mistakes in this piece. Firstly, when Tom suggested Calais as the destination where the group has to go to, it should be "Calais," he mumbled, not just "Calais". Small structuring error, not a big deal. Now another one is the word prime minister. It should be separated, its not one word. Like I said, just small mistakes. Nothing to fret over.
I liked the chapter. Keep on writing. Cheers !!
Thanks for the tips and I'll make those corrections. Oh and what did you mean by get that piece out of the green room? But anyway thanks and i'm so happy you're enjoying the novel!
This was great, well done. This certainly builds up tension, and please PM me when you update the story, okay? Thank you.
A few tiny details I want to tell you:
"Maria had too many thoughts and questions whizzing around in her head." Tell us her thoughts, don't just tell me she has them, but tell what was rambling in her mind.
"Maturing in five minutes is impossible, but back in the UK, the impossible was already in motion. " I would rethink this sentence a little, but that's more a personal opnion than a review one, so carry on. For the rest, it's great!