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Young Writers Society


12+ Language Violence

A Scale of Power- Chapter Eleven

by LordofLit101


"This is troubling news," Tobias said, his face darkening. Tom had just quietly told Tobias of the threats within positions of government. The room was silent. Thankfully it was just them, the four, and Tobias, in the room. Tom could not find anyone nearby outside the room they were sitting in, but even though, they spoke only in hushed voices. "If you can point them out to us, we can remove them immediately," just as Tobias finished his sentence, the doors opened, and the man walking through them was just about to close them again, yet Tom waved his hand slightly, and he skidded across the floor. Ian morphed into a huge cobra and pinned the man down. 

"Is he one?" he said, turning to Tom with menace in his voice. 

"Yeah, he was on the phone, and I heard him talking about killing us," Tom then turned to look at the man straight in the eyes. "If you thought you could just walk in here without me knowing who you were working for, then clearly your head is too far up your own ass," he retorted. the man turned to Tobias, pouting slightly. 

"Sir, you cannot surely trust these immature scum! You are mad to trust these psychopaths!" and he turned and spat in Ian's face. He did not hold back, and bit his throat, pumping black venom into his bloodstream. "You will...burn...all of you...my master...serves..." the traitor's voice faded as his bulging eyes gave one last vicious look at the four. 

"Tom quick! Read his mind!" Tobias barked. But Tom just shook his head. 

"Too late, but did you catch that last bit?" he replied. 

"My master serves, that doesn't sound good," muttered Maria. 

"He probably just meant a random lizard leader," Catherine replied, shrugging her shoulders. "Dammit Ian, couldn't you keep him alive?" she asked, with a dark glare towards Ian, still in serpent form. 

"I won't take that kind of shit, besides if I would've let him live, half of Eastern Europe could be gone by now," he hissed in reply. Tobias put down his phone. 

"You said half of Eastern Europe, well that may be the case, they've begun invading Denmark and Spain." he said, frowning ashamedly. 

"Why attack now? They could've attacked weeks ago and had us pinned by now, but why?" Tom said with an eyebrow raised. 

"Possibly because we scared them off, bloody cowards," Catherine concluded with a smirk. 

"No, perhaps they wanted us to get comfortable, then catch us off guard," said Ian with his eyes narrowed, now back in human form. 

"Either way, we cannot afford to lose either countries. If they get their claws on Denmark, it will open the way to Scandinavia, but if they take Spain, North Africa will fall in a matter of weeks, leaving us almost completely surrounded. A suggestion was brought up the other day, that you be sent in to tackle them," Tobias explained, with suggestive glances at all of them. 

"I think you know the answer to that, we're off to Barcelona, and nobody fall over," Tom replied with a smile. 

"What makes you say that?" asked Maria with a raised eyebrow. 

"It'll put me off trying to strangle Lord Venom." Tom replied, with narrowed eyebrows and a grim look on his face.   


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98 Reviews


Points: 133
Reviews: 98

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Thu Oct 01, 2015 2:26 pm
yizhongt wrote a review...



Hey LordofLit, welcome back ! Its been a long time and I've been waiting for this chapter to come out for ages. You have another good chapter here, it was engaging and I kept wanting to scroll down to read more about it. The interactions between the characters is still good and the story progresses well The only problem was that this chapter was just too short.

There are a few corrections you would have to make though. Firstly, this whole sentence:

"If you can point them out to us, we can remove them immediately," just as Tobias finished his sentence, the doors opened, and the man walking through them was just about to close them again, yet Tom waved his hand slightly, and he skidded across the floor.

I think it would be better if you would to break the sentence into several separate sentences. As it will flow much smoother in my opinion. Like this:

"If you can point them out to us, we can remove them immediately," remarked Tobias to the rest. Just as Tobias finished his sentence, the doors opened, and a man walked through them. As he was about to close the doors, Tom waved his hand slightly, and the intruder skidded across the floor.


Cannot wait for the chapter 11 to be released. I'm really stocked to find out what will happen in Barcelona. Until then, keep on writing !




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Points: 240
Reviews: 101

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Thu Oct 01, 2015 6:06 am
ParanormalMyth wrote a review...



Heya LordofLit101! First, I apologize for any typos as I'm writing this at 2 in the morning. I've spent the past couple of days reading through the before chapters, so this review may just be a sort of general overview of my thoughts. :)
First, I really like the ideas of lizards vs. humans. When I read the first chapter about the lizards evolving for some reason my thought was dinosaurs or dragon-like-creatures, as can I just say I'm really glad that it wasn't dinosaurs or dragon-creatures. Instead you've created a new type species of evolved lizards that is really intriguing.
Second, the group of kids. I like these guys, especially Catherine. I like how they sort of just don't have the typical superpowers. Instead you've sort of given it disadvantages as well, like with Tom not being able to control his all the time. It's good that you've set these "limits", so your characters don't seem overpowered/unstoppable. They've got their weakness, which makes them more relatable.
Third, Tobias. I don't trust this guy. He just seems up to something. Of course okay be completely wrong, haha.
Lastly, the setting changes. I know that for your story it only makes since for the characters moving house consistently, but at the same time it's a bit troublesome. It seems that just as I get used to one setting, they're moving again. I understand that it's what's needed for the plot though, I just though it was worth saying something.

I noticed this small typo, it isn't really a big deal. "The" just needs to be capitalized~

the man turned to Tobias, pouting slightly.


Overall, I really like this story and I hope you continue to write more. Have a great day! :D

~Myth





Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
— Sigmund Freud