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Young Writers Society


12+ Language Violence

A Scale of Power- Chapter Twelve

by LordofLit101


The icy rain gnawed at Tom's face as he strolled across the grey, bustling air field. This was it, the day humanity would stick its foot in the ground and say no. Fighter jets, cargo planes, tanks and millions upon millions of modified bullets. An armada of steel, ready to unleash hell upon man's latest enemy. The four were dressed in bullet proof armour, that they hoped would give them at least some protection against bare tooth and claw. 

"You seem brighter today," Catherine acknowledged. 

"I'm just focused, but weirdly I'm excited," Tom replied with a smile. Tobias stood next to a huge plane, waiting to take them to the front line in this impossible war. "Are you sure about this?" he began. 

"You were the ones that wanted to go, but besides, we can deal with a few leeches this side of the border," Tobias answered. 

"I'd feel a little better if I knew what the plan was," Ian interrupted with a raised eyebrow. 

"This plane is to take you to central Barcelona, where some of the RAF units are, yet the enemy is situated only ten miles North of the city. We now have reports that the British navy stationed in Gibraltar and the Spanish navy have begun firing at the Southern coast of France from off shore, in an attempt to stop them from trying to attack the eastern coast of Spain. Your mission is to destroy the key targets of the Reptiliad in North East Spain, as we estimate that will drive them back over the border," he explained. 

"What about once we get them over the border, will we try to retake France?" Maria asked whilst raising her eyebrows. 

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, the countries bordering France are on standby, when we have fully secured Spain, the army of around a dozen countries will invade France. It is estimated that the force will surpass that of the famous D-day landings," he replied proudly. 

"Lets just get this shit over and done with shall we?" Catherine interrupted, whilst letting her arms hang at her sides. At this, they all trudged toward the plane door, toward a battle that would be renowned for millenia to come. Yet there would be another great battle, that would dwarf this one, in both ferocity and size. 

* * *

The sounds of gunshots echoed from the North. Occasionally there were explosions and great flashes that painted the night sky. The silver moon watched in amazement as scale struggled against flesh, on the chess board of human and lizard. Tom stared at the fire dancing in front of him. He was amazed how much Catherine's power had developed since that fateful day. It felt like it was a thousand years ago, but in reality it had been little over a month since he began hearing thoughts, knocking down walls with just the flick of a finger, and running faster than the speed of sound. The warning of a military officer brought him reluctantly back to reality. He looked up to face him. He was a bulky man, perhaps middle aged, with black hair and a tired face, he had a cigarette hanging from his mouth, and a pistol ready in one hand. 

"There'll be another wave of them coming, so we need to be ready," he explained briefly, tapping his finger against the cigarette, letting yet more ash join what was already on the floor. They had been fighting off legions of lizards all day, and it seemed they were not going to give up easily. Maria had offered to open up a black hole over enemy territory, but that would be too risky. Ian stood beside Tom, rubbing his hands and showing them to the fire. 

"For Spain, this is bloody cold, is it you doing this Cath?" Ian asked whilst exhaling slowly. 

"No, for the last sodding time it's not me!" she barked in reply, "If it was me I would be concentrating right now, not wasting my time talking to you," she stared with uncertainty at the sky, "I can tell it's not the natural weather anyway," she mumbled. A shriek and howl let them know the lizards were not far away. A few shells flew into the square and brought down some buildings. Without thought, Catherine, instead of using her power to shield them from the oncoming hail of death, dived for cover. Lizards poured into the square, tearing apart the soldiers who stood against them. Tom barked an order to retreat at the others, and they all split up, heading separate ways into the blacked out city. 

"Come out, human scum!" a lizard captain boomed from around a corner. Tom jumped out and saluted the lizard. 

"Wish granted you unbearable prick," Tom replied gleefully whilst collapsing a building with one punch. Another legion charged towards him, and he met it head on. Aimlessly throwing his fists around, he paid less attention to his surroundings, and three bullets caught him in the shoulder, arm and thigh. Panting with sudden fear, he quickly ran to the shell of a nearby building for cover. 

"I thought you were good at this game, human," hissed a lizard as it and twenty others scouted the buildings. "I have killed hundreds of your kind, but you now seem ready for your end." The lizard grinned and turned towards the building Tom was hiding in, "I can smell your answer already," Tom closed his eyes tightly as he prepared for the end, but it did not come. Instead, he heard a deafening roar overhead. The moonlit silhouette of a huge creature landed in the clearing with an almighty crash. It seemed to brandish a weapon attached to its arm, and it fired unceasingly at the lizards that came at him. It swung its tail in all different directions, clubbing the lizards and killing them instantly. Lord Venom then flew into the clearing. 

"Brother, you wear scales, fight for us, help us end humanity!" the Lord commanded. The creature suddenly snatched Lord Venom out of the air and snarled at him. Throwing him up in the air, the creature raised its fist and with an earth-splitting thud, punched Lord Venom through several buildings. Tom staggered to his feet, still wincing from the pain of the bullets. The creature outstretched its hand, and the bullets disappeared. The wound holes they had made suddenly sealed themselves up. 

Who are you? Tom asked through his mind. 

 The creature only nodded at Tom in respect, spread its great wings, and flew off into the night. 

Catherine hovered in the clearing, and brought steel poles from the rubble and used them to finish off the last lizards, after first shooting them with the modified bullets. She then turned and saw Tom, still frozen in amazement. 

"You okay?" she asked, raising her eyebrows, "Don't tell me you've had a raging breakdown again," she said whilst rolling her eyes. 

"No, no I'm fine," Tom stuttered whilst breathing heavily, "Just a bit freaked out that's all," he continued whilst drifting through the air.   


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Wed Dec 30, 2015 11:31 am
Rydia wrote a review...



Hullo! If I point out something you feel you've covered in an earlier chapter then please feel free to ignore me but hopefully you'll find some of my advise useful.

Specifics

1.

"What about once we get them over the border, will we try to retake France?" Maria asked whilst shrugging her shoulders.
This seems a strange action to accompany the dialogue. Normally a shrug is in response to someone else asking a question but she's asking the question here so it feels out of place.

2.
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, the countries bordering France are on standby, when we have fully secured Spain, the army of around a dozen countries will invade France. It is estimated that the force will surpass that of the famous D-day landings," he replied proudly.

"Lets just get this shit over and done with shall we?" Catherine interrupted loudly,


Your dialogue tags are a little awkward here as they're both followed by an adjective - loudly and proudly. Dialogue tags should mostly go unnoticed but this makes them stick out too much.

3.
A shriek and howl let them know the lizards were not far away. A few shells flew into the square and brought down some buildings. Without thought, Catherine instead dived for cover.
Instead of what? We haven't seen her thought process so we don't know that she was planning anything else. This would make sense if she started to raise a gun at them and then changed her mind but otherwise 'instantly dived for cover' would work better here.

Overall

I think you've got a good grasp on the characters and action in this chapter and there's lots of fun stuff going on. The big creature arriving felt a little over the top though and I wanted more of Tom's thought process to understand who he is. Tom seems mildly surprised by his appearance but not overly so. Does this kind of thing happen a lot around Tom or is it the first time? If he has this kind of power on his side which can defeat twenty lizards or more then why should we be concerned for the good guys? Maybe knock your all powerful being down just a notch and have it fight the lizards off but get injured in the battle. That would leave us with less of a feeling 'oh this is going to be easy if he shows up every time Tom is in trouble'.

Other than that it's a good chapter so thanks for the read!

~Heather




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Tue Oct 13, 2015 3:02 am
MicoSoul says...



Hello.
you get to be the first person i give a review to. (Yay XD)
Anyway just going to point out some things I saw.

The icy rain gnawed at Tom's face as he strolled across the grey, bustling air field. This was it, the day humanity would stick its foot in the ground and say no. Fighter jets, cargo planes, tanks and millions upon millions of modified bullets. An armada of steel, ready to unleash hell upon man's latest enemy. The four were dressed in bullet proof armour, that they hoped would give them at least some protection against bare tooth and claw.

first I'm going to say I loved how you started this it caught my attention. However one thing that confused me is who are these four people? Were did they come from? You did not inform us of there presence, so it was a little off putting for them to just be there suddenly.

Unfortunately I have not read the earlier chapters witch I will go back and do. However from what I saw it looked good.

Good luck.




LordofLit101 says...


Thanks very much! You should definitely read the other chapters, as it will help you understand this one ;)



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Points: 265
Reviews: 3

Donate
Tue Oct 13, 2015 3:01 am
MicoSoul wrote a review...



Hello.
you get to be the first person i give a review to. (Yay XD)
Anyway just going to point out some things I saw.

The icy rain gnawed at Tom's face as he strolled across the grey, bustling air field. This was it, the day humanity would stick its foot in the ground and say no. Fighter jets, cargo planes, tanks and millions upon millions of modified bullets. An armada of steel, ready to unleash hell upon man's latest enemy. The four were dressed in bullet proof armour, that they hoped would give them at least some protection against bare tooth and claw.

first I'm going to say I loved how you started this it caught my attention. However one thing that confused me is who are these four people? Were did they come from? You did not inform us of there presence, so it was a little off putting for them to just be there suddenly.

Unfortunately I have not read the earlier chapters witch I will go back and do. However from what I saw it looked good.

Good luck.





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