He told them everything. The events of what happened on the roof. The voice. What it said, about the Lords of Darkness, about some kind of prophecy, and that Lord Venom was one of these so-called Lords of Darkness. The voice he had heard sounded almost omnipotent, he was now almost certain that the owner of that voice was clearly not mortal, or at least not as Earth knew it.
"This voice," Tobias answered, "you say it sounded deep in tone, like with a heavy aura?"
"Yeah," Tom continued, "why, do you know it?"
I'm afraid I have no choice but to tell them now, do I? Tobias thought.
"What I am about to tell you has been kept in the dark for centuries, for whatever reason, you do not reveal this information to anyone outside this very room," the four nodded at him, as Tobias began to look rather nervous, as he placed a shiny, leather black briefcase on the table. He clicked it open, and inside were a lot of paper files. He opened the first one, and handed out others to the four, his hands shaking as he did.
"This just looks like some old ruins, nothing really out of the ordinary here," Maria remarked.
"At first glance, no, everything seems normal, but look at the pictures together, then tell me that there is still nothing out of the ordinary." he replied. "the answer to this riddle is, all of these ancient cultures have this creature in common, every folklore, every empire, every turning point in history, he was there,"
"Why exactly is this significant? How in any way does this help us understand what Tom told us?" Ian demanded. Tobias fished a few more folders from the briefcase and placed them on the table. Tom picked up a folder and began to read from it;
Subject: Classified Above Top Secret
Form/ Shape: Currently unknown
Origin: Unknown
Human: No
Languages: Various
Data: This creature has appeared in the same form across many different cultures over thousands of years. He is depicted in many different cultures as healing the sick, leading charges in many great battles, but one depiction is clearly the most apparent: slaying a mighty demon. None of the battles described or depicted in these ancient cultures are known to have happened in human history. In Mayan culture he is Quetzalcoatl, in Ancient Egypt he is known as The Devourer, Ancient Greece knew him as Asclepius, and Rome knew him as Mars, whereas Mesopotamia knew him as Iskur. He was depicted to aid and visit the empires and civilizations of the Ancient World, and is reported to have stood in defiance of Germanic tribes at the gates of Rome in 410 AD. Little else is known about this creature, but his main weapon and emblem is the Trident.
Tom threw the folder down on the table and looked up at Tobias with an eyebrow raised.
"Are you trying to tell me that I'm mad?" he began through gritted teeth, "I'm sick of being ridiculed, believe me I've had that experience for most of my life,"
"No, I would not dare to insult you," Tobias replied, "but this creature was said in legend to telekinetically speak to those who he deemed noble of soul and mind. Scribes also tell that his voice was so deep, it seemed the Earth trembled when he spoke."
"But what about this prophecy, and these Lords of Darkness? Surely your files must have some information on this as well," said Catherine.
"Unfortunately, we have no information on these matters, in fact, this is new information, even to us." Tobias answered with his eyebrows raised. "On other matters, if Lord Venom is what you say, a Lord of Darkness, then he must be put down." "His psychotic escapades have gone on for long enough, and we at the meeting a few days ago agreed that, it is indeed, time to push him back." Suddenly a voice in the corner of the room muttered, then quickly changed into a booming rant.
"Do not speak ill of your future Lord and Deity!" it screamed. One of the agents standing quietly in the corner of the room was the owner of that voice. From his jacket he pulled out a gun and fired into the centre of the room. Another agent dived into the path of the bullets and fired back in reply. A bullet hit the traitor in the thigh and he screamed as he collapsed on the floor. Even though he was weakened, the man reached for his gun, but Catherine was too quick for him. She used her power to rip apart the gun, and directed a few sharp shards towards the man's arm. Then Tom, who was now under the command of rage and revenge, threw the man across the room. He landed with a crash, and Tom was on him in a flash, literally. He slammed his fists at the traitor with all his hatred, practically screaming as he smashed him to a pulp.
"Tom stop!" Ian commanded, but Tom wasn't listening, and continued to slowly kill the man. Maria conjured a small pistol loaded with darts and fired at Tom. All he knew up until that point was the rage, hatred, and lust for revenge that was squirming in his mind. The next thing he knew was a sudden and sharp pain in his back. He felt his hands go numb, as his vision became dazed. His muscles became weaker and more relaxed. The world span for what seemed like hours, as he experienced a cold yet barely noticeable sensation on one side of his face, as his head hit the marble floor. The last thing he saw was the traitor being dragged away. Yet the last thing he knew was being pulled into blackness, further and further into the depths of the endless night.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter A Scale of Power- Chapter TenPoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
What's in read is what I want you to look at.
Did someone else speak or did Tobias continue? If so take out the quotation marks in between.
Hmmm... In the next chapter you said he was drinking? Or he couldn't remember what happened. Yet here it seemed as though he wasn't even at a bar. You might have to clear that up for me a bit.
By the way, I working my way backwards. LOL. But I'm on to the chapter before this chapter.
~Sharrae out, tottles
He wasn't actually drinking, the sedatives that he was forcefully given gave him similar sensations to being drunk.
Oh thanks for clearing that up for me, I probably shouldn't have started with the last chapter published LOL.
Hey LordofLit, yizhongt here to leave a review on this fine review day.
Well I definitely enjoyed reading this chapter. It answered some questions that I have been wanting to know for awhile now. Like the previous reviewer had already said, there are a few corrections you have to make.
{"What I am about to tell you has been kept in the dark for centuries, for whatever reason, you do not reveal this information to anyone outside this very room," the four nodded at him, as Tobias began to look rather nervous, as he placed a shiny, leather black briefcase on the table. He clicked it open, and inside were a lot of paper files. He opened the first one, and handed out others to the four, his hands shaking as he did. }
I feel that you should probably break up the first sentence into three separate parts. Right now it is chunky in my opinion. It should be something along the lines of:
"What I am about to tell you has been kept in the dark for centuries. For whatever reason, do not reveal this information to anyone outside this room." The Four nodded at Tobias who had a rather nervous look as he placed a shiny, leather black briefcase on the table."
As you can see from the example above, I made some changes to make the paragraph have a better flow of sort.
The other reviewer has pretty much listed the rest of the corrections that has to be made. Just make the suggested changes and this story is tip-top. Cannot wait for the next chapter to be released. Keep writing !!
P/S: Chapter 5 of The Chalice of Life is out. Feel free to check it out after reading Chapter 4. Have a good review day LordofLit
I always find it funny how short other people make chapters.... Do you know the word count for this?
I never really check, why do you ask?
:/ because everyone is always telling me my chapters are too long and you have shortish chapters. Mine range from 5-9k words long
ok, so how long are my chapters?
This sentence can be fixed, in my opinion. The dialogue is too long to read in one go, so you break it. There are two "as" in there, and it makes the sentence wordy. Simple and direct is the way to go to make effective sentences. "You do not reveal" should be better replaced with "you cannot reveal" and the dialogue should end with a full-stop since there's no "Tobias said" after that.
At first glance you can see this paragraph is not neat:
Full-stop should be replaced with coma, "the" should be capitalized and at the end of a sentence should always be a full-stop (or hyphens in some cases).
or you can use this version:
Tenses inconsistency:
Missing comma:
Overall, this is a nice story. I like how it turns suspenseful in the end. The action scene is executed nicely although I think improvement can be made with word structures. Actions are all about fast movements so the use of commas would slow your readers down. When there are places that do not need commas, do not put them.
Faster reading if it becomes like this:
This story is interesting so keep up the good job! Just watch out more the words and formats and all!