He had the same, continuous sensation. As if he were falling. Down a tunnel that seemed longer than eternity itself. Then finally landing, in the bedroom. The curtains were drawn, but light squeezed through the curtains, indicating that it certainly wasn't night anymore. Sitting up slowly, Tom's head was thumping. Entranced by dizziness, Tom staggered like a drunk man towards the bathroom through the door opposite. As he did, he lost his footing and collapsed on the floor.
Is this what being drunk feels like? He thought as he struggled to regain his balance on the white tiles. Strength reluctantly returned to his seemingly useless limbs, as he clawed at the sink above him and, pulling himself to his feet, examined himself in the mirror. Taking off his shirt, Tom examined the small area where the dart hit him in the back. It was slightly swollen, but nothing more. It was clear he was back to his usual self, as he was fretting over what was nothing more than a pin-prick.
After a short amount of time, washed and dressed, Tom tried to recall the events of the previous night. He remembered looking through the files, then hearing gunshots. What happened next happened only in short snippets of memory. The man with the gun. He was clearly an agent of the Reptiliad. Then using his power without the command of the logical and moral side of his mind. Then blinding rage. Next what seemed like a wormhole to now.
The trick is, not to totally lose control of yourself. Another reason why you are so unstable. The voice again. It was practically becoming his guiding light, sort of like a guardian. But this guardian was just starting to seem annoying.
Do you ever have anything nice to say? Tom said in reply.
Seeing as I am talking to you, I would be a bit more grateful. Did it not say in one of your files, that it was extremely rare that I would talk to any of your kind like this? It retorted. Tom rolled his eyes at the statement and shook his head. Wandering back over to the bed, he sat down and gazed at the window beside him. Tom threw open the curtains, and was greeted only by pouring rain.
Now this is something I haven't missed one bit.
He thought as he rolled his eyes and grunted at the disgusting weather outside. At least his head had stopped thumping at last. Deciding it was time to go and be a bit more sociable, he crept over to the door and slowly twisted the brass door knob. He began to climb down the red carpeted staircase towards the Great Hall. But then it wasn't just the carpet he'd managed to stumble on on the way to the hall.
"I will deliver them to you, my lord, and yes, you will have utter surrender and loyalty from this side of Europe. Yes, yes, I understand sir. I will convince him to do so. Termination?... Hail Reptiliad. Agent 34 signing off." a man in a black suit hurried down the hall. He had brown eyes, a tired face and blonde hair. Tom knew him immediately. The man was highly influential amongst Austrian politicians, seeing as he was a military advisor. Tom flew up the stairs and landed out of sight as the politician passed the staircase. This was bad. If agents of the Reptiliad were in Governments this far away from their territory, then it seemed great powers would collapse long before Lord Venom ever made it to them. He had to get to Tobias and warn him before anything serious happened.
Who knows how many of those bastards are here? He thought as he darted down the corridor. It wasn't far to the Great Hall now, just down a flight of stairs and through the Great Library. Tom was a moving radar, trying to pick up any more traitors in the areas he passed through. He managed to find six before he made it to the door of the Great Hall. With his eyebrows narrowed and a grim look on his face, Tom clutched the brass door handle of the Great Hall. He pushed it and the smell of breakfast punched him in the face. Stepping inside, creeping across the hall, looking quickly from side to side, Tom took his place at a great long table, ready to expose the rats in the walls.
End of chapter
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140,455 Literary Works • 673,224 Reviews
HI. Hunith here.
I must say, your writing has greatly improved since the last time i checked.
There isn't much i would say about this piece.
However lets check this.
I think repeating then the way you did in your description didn't really depict flow. I think it would be better this way.
this is just my opinion.
overall, this is good. keep writing. Cheers.
And i'm out.
Good day, LordofLit101. TheSilverFox is here today to review your wonderful chapter!
Do you want to know what is the most impressive aspect of this chapter? That you're able to convey so much information in so few words. Your details are fantastic, and, thanks to them, I can quite clearly envision Tom and his surroundings. I can see the bedroom, the rainy outdoors, the bathroom, and the many other components of this massive structure, which, based on the information provided, appears to be within Austria. I can imagine the gloominess of the setting, the particular aspects of each room, and his actions amongst them. You've done an excellent job composing the setting and events of this chapter, and this impresses me the most.
What I also enjoyed, beyond the setting, is your immaculate descriptions of Tom's emotions and behaviors. At the beginning of the story, it is apparent that he is in a state not unlike intoxication. His judgment skills (in this case, his ability to register his surroundings and move from place to place) are obviously impaired, and he's having a hard time attempting to move into the bathroom. Furthermore, it seems that his memories are hard to access, particularly those of last night. However, the real surprise occurs when he finds the dart in his back. No doubt he was momentarily incapacitated in his excursion the previous night. These descriptions leave the reader surprised and curious. What happened to get him to his present state? What did he find? How was he attacked? Your descriptions leave the reader curious and eager to learn more about the matter of the situation. Certainly, a novel is excellent if it can have such an impact on the reader, and your ability to leave the reader curious and eager to learn more is exceptional. Beyond that, your descriptions of Tom's emotions, the conflict that he has with the voice inside of his head, and his surprise at learning of the traitors within the building are all well composed and in depth. Great job!
In conclusion, I'm impressed by the quality and aspects of this chapter. Your descriptions of Tom's emotions and his surroundings are fantastic, not to mention the revelation of traitors in the midst of the building. The Austrian military advisor, and many others, all appear to be part of this scam. I'm curious as to what will happen next; how will Tom reveal the true identities of the traitors? Will everyone else believe him? How will the Reptilians react? The story is fascinating, surprising, and leaves nothing to be desired. I find no major mistakes in grammar and spelling throughout the story (SharraeWilson does a good job of highlighting those.) It leaves the reader curious, wanting to read further, and I enjoyed reading this composition from start to finish. Well done!
I just need to get something straight. It was Maria who attacked him. He was out of control and almost killed someone using his pure rage and hatred. Maria using her power conjured a tranquilizer and shot Tom with it, as he was unresponsive whilst practically killing the traitor.
Ah, that explains it. Thanks!
Good day, LordofLit101. TheSilverFox is here today to review your wonderful chapter!
Do you want to know what is the most impressive aspect of this chapter? That you're able to convey so much information in so few words. Your details are fantastic, and, thanks to them, I can quite clearly envision Tom and his surroundings. I can see the bedroom, the rainy outdoors, the bathroom, and the many other components of this massive structure, which, based on the information provided, appears to be within Austria. I can imagine the gloominess of the setting, the particular aspects of each room, and his actions amongst them. You've done an excellent job composing the setting and events of this chapter, and this impresses me the most.
What I also enjoyed, beyond the setting, is your immaculate descriptions of Tom's emotions and behaviors. At the beginning of the story, it is apparent that he is in a state not unlike intoxication. His judgment skills (in this case, his ability to register his surroundings and move from place to place) are obviously impaired, and he's having a hard time attempting to move into the bathroom. Furthermore, it seems that his memories are hard to access, particularly those of last night. However, the real surprise occurs when he finds the dart in his back. No doubt he was momentarily incapacitated in his excursion the previous night. These descriptions leave the reader surprised and curious. What happened to get him to his present state? What did he find? How was he attacked? Your descriptions leave the reader curious and eager to learn more about the matter of the situation. Certainly, a novel is excellent if it can have such an impact on the reader, and your ability to leave the reader curious and eager to learn more is exceptional. Beyond that, your descriptions of Tom's emotions, the conflict that he has with the voice inside of his head, and his surprise at learning of the traitors within the building are all well composed and in depth. Great job!
In conclusion, I'm impressed by the quality and aspects of this chapter. Your descriptions of Tom's emotions and his surroundings are fantastic, not to mention the revelation of traitors in the midst of the building. The Austrian military advisor, and many others, all appear to be part of this scam. I'm curious as to what will happen next; how will Tom reveal the true identities of the traitors? Will everyone else believe him? How will the Reptilians react? The story is fascinating, surprising, and leaves nothing to be desired. I find no major mistakes in grammar and spelling throughout the story (SharraeWilson does a good job of highlighting those.) It leaves the reader curious, wanting to read further, and I enjoyed reading this composition from start to finish. Well done!
So I'm new to this novel, but after I review this I'll definitely read the others.
ONWARD TO THE REVIEWING.
"The curtains were drawn, but light squeezed through them indicating that it certainly wasn't night anymore."
You don't need 'curtains' twice nor the comma if you make it flow this way.
'Next what accrued/happened?? seemed like a wormhole to now.'
I suggested those words because it seemed as though you may or may not need a word there.
Did he actually say the words or did he think the words. (Even though we can clearly see the thought them, it's best to say he thought them than he said them.)
See here you said he thought them, even if he wasn't talking to it. Nevertheless it's still (kind of) the same.
Maybe the first 'on' was suppose to be 'up'? Or maybe the second 'on' wasn't suppose to be there?
After the man talks in the second to last paragraph, make sure you capitalize 'a'.
Maybe, 'agents of the Reptiliad were in the Government this far away from their'?
Love the expression at the end. So thus ends the things that popped out at me. NOW. I shall go and read the rest. You have captured my interest. Let me know when you post another one.
~Sharrae out, tottles