Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
1:27
I'm gonna write a poem!
But what about?
1:29
Damn I don't know,
1:31
I really need to write something though,
I need to let them creative juices flow.
...
Hey that rhymed!
1:38
Ugh! I can't think of anything.
1:42
Ok Sam just lay here be quiet and think.
1:44
1:45
1:47
1:52
Fuck! I've got nothing.
2:01
Shit! it's already two.
I've got get some sleep.
Oh well tomorrow maybe.
2:03
Note normal text is said out loud italicized text are thoughts.
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140,885 Literary Works • 673,697 Reviews
@Dreamworx95 @DemonGoddess @LordTachanka @woahhitherepal @WhosabellCanWrite @TheBlueCat @LittleLee @269609 @Lake
Sup!
*Pollution looks at the screen*
Pollution: Really? Are you fucking kidding me?
Nope.
Did I do something?
nope, why think that?
I dunno
Hello, LordTachanka! Let's dive right into this review!
I see you are writing about something very common -- writer's block and overthinking about what is being written. Now, though I see the point of your poem, it still isn't good to overthink your writing, especially poetry. You need to know what the goal is that you're writing about, but you don't need to doubt every line you're writing and such. I understand that's not quite what you're doing but it is the path to it!
From that being said, I am going to move onto imagery; something that lacks in this poem. This issue is, is that this poem is based on thoughts and what you have said, which makes it harder to have imagery lurking here. Not every poem needs to be packed jam full with details and big vocabulary, however, I encourage you to add more showing in this poem, rather than telling. It seems bare and could use some work!
Something else that needs work is the grammar/punctuation. I find that you are missing commas in places that need them. For example:
After "well" you need a comma. If you wanted to, you could change up this line in wording seeing as it sounds rushed and less poetic.
I don't see the point of having this time at the end of your poem? I can understand that it might be to "mark" the ending, but it really doesn't work out all that well.
"to" should be right after "got". I see that you wrote this really late at night, but make sure you proofread!
I like the idea of using time as a marker throughout this. It was a little quick of a poem, because I feel like I could've gotten more out of it than the content that I did. I would suggest making some edits here and there, you can really add something else. For example, describe how you are feeling, were your eyes dry and tired from a long day, did the darkness block your creativity, did your heart beat fast to finish this poem, etc. Just something like that would boost the emotion in this, and maybe I will get more sucked into it.
This was interesting! I think what really pulled me in was the title -- how creative! Speaking about creativity, the use of time worked to your advantage, I think. Without it this poem wouldn't have been as good.
I hope I helped in some way! If you have any questions please do ask.
neptune
*stares at screen*
I like.
*waits a minute*
I really like it.
*stares at screen*
I like your comment.
*Waits a minute*
I really like your comment.
Thanks for sharing this very interesting poem about a poet seeking ideas for a poem in vain.
Usually ideas emerge easily when a very strong emotion, such as frustration, hatred, love, envy, boredom, lust, ambition, pain, etc impels us to write. when such emotions are absent, then we tend to struggle if we insist on writing a poem or else the poem that we do manage to write comes across as emotionless or else petty.
Reminds me of that Star Trek New Generation episode where Data, the ship's android, composes a poem dedicated to his cat and the audience remains totally unmoved. Being a machine lacking emotion, he just couldn't infuse the poem with any.
You conveyed the frustration felt while we make such an effort very nicely. As a poet, I empathized with the frustration. So the poem is successful in engendering that reader response from a fellow poet. I also felt the urge to take the narrator aside and tell him to simply go to bed and let inspiration come naturally. Non poet readers might react by asking what is the big deal.
That sequence of:
"Damn!"
"Hey!"
"OK"
"Fuck!"
"Shit!" was hilarious!
suggestions:
Damn I don't know[.]
I really need to write something though[.]
Ok Sam just [lie] here be quiet and think.
Oh well[,] tomorrow maybe.
@Radrook thank you for the review and yeah I'm glad I conveyed my message correctly because you hit the nail on the head especially the part about wanting to tell the narrator to go to bed.
@Flumadiddle