Young Writers Society

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

So, the first thing I noticed is that a few places should have commas instead of periods. The lines "told everything's going to be ok", "No" and "Cautiously ". It flowed REALLY well and this is defintley your best work yet. Hope to see more poems like this as time goes on!

The meaning of the poem... well, I know what it means sooooo, yeah.

Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Thanks- WAIT, MERRY CHRISTMAS, I CAN SAY THAT NOW! OR HAPPY HANUKA I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

Hi! Space here for a review!

I personally liked this poem, I know the pain of missing someone far away. It felt very real, with the exclamation point on "Ugh!" and "Keep calm hon". I also liked the two beginning sentences, so full of raw emotion it really captivates the reader (or at least, it did for me).

There were a few spelling errors, which I will list:
-*lives inside of "live" in the 6th sentence, plus adding a comma after "No" and before "because", and no "for". (If that's the sentence you were going for.)

-Maybe "okay" instead of "ok", because "ok" seems more like text-talk, if you know what I mean.

-The last sentence doesn't make much since in the place it's at. Maybe modify it a bit.

Welp, that's all.

Overall, it was a really pretty, heartfelt poem.

Great job!

-Space

Thanks for sharing this poem. True, distance can very well cause a great suffering between people who love one another. The poem describes that sensation very well via creating a mood that conveys that emotion. I like the introduction, since it immediately got me involved in the poem via the use of the pronoun you which I assumed immediately was speaking to me as a reader personally.

However, the poem seems to shift when it suddenly reveals that the reader had been mistaken in assuming he was being addressed. In short, the use of the pronoun “you” at the start doesn’t refer to the the same “you” at the end. The “you” at the outset seems to be speaking directly to the reader. The “you” at the conclusion is clearly speaking to a “hon” in the distance. This gives the composition the feel of being truncated via some kind of POV discrepancy.

Another thing, why is the speaker uttering “Ugh!” right after mentioning that the person has calmed down? “Ugh!” is an expression if disgust. So I wondered why the speaker uses it at that point.

Suggestions

heart - cliche’
as if instead of like
OK not ok.
No[,]

the person you need that hug for live

I AM COPYING THIS AND PASTING IT ON PAPER AND FRAMING IT AND AHHHHHHH

This sucks. We need to collab on a poem hon. We really do. Like, do you realise how good that poem would be? WAIT NO THAT SOUNDS NARSASISTIC SCRAP THAT. But we really should collab.

Um, I didn't find much wrong with it and i cant properly review because i need to go to bed. Ummm, I am no just going to banter so that this is actually counts as a review so that I get points so that I can post more stuff and I think i am good now maybe? AND MY GRAMMAR THERE WOW.

@Flumadiddle