Young Writers Society

HEYA it's Izzy!

I know who this is aboutttt!


This is so sweet and beautiful and aweeeee!

I can relate to the girl, (I know who the girl is also hah) because I am super insecure about being annoying and talking too much, so it's so sweet that you reassure her that she's beautiful and not annoying. You are a good person LT.

Izzy

Hello!!

Your work is wonderful. I've actually pictured a story in my mind It's actually very meaningful. It paved the way for an expression of love and admiration. I, for one, can relate to what you wrote. It just feels so good to look at someone and be beyond grateful for that person.

I hope you will continue to write more of these. Continue to tell more stories!! Surely looking forward to reading

Annnnnnnnnnnd I've lost it. Also, the title, nice job.

Okay, okay, OKAY. By the end I was like AHHHH I FEEL FUZZY and for some reason, was about to cry. Emotions, am I right?

Now for the actual review. A well written poem, for sure. It flowed very well for being an acrostic. A few lines should have periods though. Those lines would be "Looking at you", "Obsessing over something you love,", "Seriously! I love hearing your voice,". A few places also need commas. Those places would be "Right now", "Now please" and "Honey". A few words would have more meaning if you were to italizes them. These words would be "hours" and " beautiful".

I liked the acrostic.

The poem doesn't really need explaining on my part...

I LOVED IT SO MUCH okay, sorry, don't know what happen there okay, um well, overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Thanks- WAIT NOT MERRY CHRISTMAS I CAN SAY THAT NOW! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

I like how this is done. Except, maybe a bigger line break between Im, all, and... I think you get what I'm talking about. There's some grammatical issues in here. Narrator says, "You're so fucking beautiful." This, to me is a funny sentence, saying someone's beautiful right after cursing at them. It gives the idea of sarcasm. Thus, I get a sarcastic interpretation of the rest of the way.

Over all: The biggest strength is the "IMALLYOURSHON." I thought that was pretty cool. Biggest weakness was lack of imagery. You don't need a lot, but it's impossible to imagine anything here, it's all about feeling, which, again, is more sarcastic, to me. So, maybe not imagery, but the message, I think, is not fully conveyed.

Rating: 5/10. I see the "hidden" message, for lack of a better word, and think that part is creative, but the rest of it is... a little cliche. A lot of these phrases are kind of generic.

Ideas: If it is a satire, maybe give words like 'obsession' and phrases like 'fucking beautiful' a strikeout, or italicize them. If the piece is more emotional, maybe do line breaks in the really strong areas, but that would breakup the "hidden" message a little.

@Flumadiddle