Young Writers Society

Hey Liberty! Anne is here for a review.

Your poem is intriguing and , of course, realistic. The manner in which you play with words amazes me. The repetition used to
emphasize the girl's innocence(or that's what I thought)was really a remarkable aspect as not all are able to produce it without making it seem forced. Besides, the repetition gave it a kind of a lyrical tune, which was amazing.

Emotions are the prime factor in your poem. As is evident with the comment you wrote. It really isn't cool to make someone a scapegoat. However, what I'd like to know is how did the girl react, or did she react at all. At these moments, usually a person is so hurt that no words come out, or is bold enough to retort in an indignant manner . So which path did she chose? That question isn't answered in the poem.

did she sin?

did she lie?

did she kill?

did she cheat?

Hello Liberty! It's me FlamingPhoenix again here to leave a review on your work, I'll try and make it longer this time but I don't think I will be able to.

Okay let's begin. This time I have a longer poem to review.

So I did see one of two things I would like to bring up tonight if that is alright will you.
The first thing I saw that is very small and doesn't really need to be changed if you don't agree with me, but I don't think you need the Question mark in the title, it is a title and you never use Question marks and full-stops in the title normally so I don't think you need the question mark.

Another thing I saw is that some of your sentences are longer then the rest, and it really puts the flow out a little, because in the beginning you had a really good flow going for you then your sentences went long then short again and so on, and it knocked me out of whack a little, so maybe try and shorten the long sentences or try to make the shorter sentences longer, the choice is up to you.

And maybe try to brake your sentences into paragraphs, that way when your reader gets to breaks between the paragraphs they will stop and think about what you are telling up, the message behind this poem, and it really is one that means a lot to us people who do the blaming and are blames on. This girl also sounds a lot like me, I have very dark hair and I wear lot's of black cloths so this has shown me I should have more colorful cloths.

One more thing, is that maybe you should change this into a song, because you are repeating a lot of the same things, and by doing that it kind of takes the reader away from the message in your poem, so maybe thing about it, I'm not going to go to deep into why and stuff because everyone else has done a good job with doing it.

As You can tell I really liked your poem, it was full of many messages for us readers, and I think I will try and change a few things about me. So I'm really glad I came and read you poem it showed me a few things I didn't think about before, I hope you will keep writing and post again on YWS soon, I just love reading your works. Have a great day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix!!
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

Hey, Liberty! I'm here to review your work.

This poem brought me back! I wore a lot of black shirts back in my early years of high school, and the majority of my characters from eighth grade until junior year had black as a staple of their clothing. So even though I've never personally been through what you're describing, I've definitely thought about it a lot.

A large amount of your poem relies on repetition. Looking through your reviews, I saw that @Dossereana mentioned what I was thinking while reading through your poem - the repetition is used almost too much. Repetition isn't a bad thing in a poem (it's actually one of my favorite poetry tropes) but sometimes it can overtake the message of the poem.

But, in the case of this poem, there's an easy fix! Formatting is your best friend when writing repetitive poetry. It lets the reader follow your poem in easy-to-digest chunks, and also allows you to highlight specific sections instead of them all blending together. I'm not sure where the best place to break your poem up is, but it might be a good idea to do it before each time you say this:

what did she do?
i ask you. . .

Hi. This poem was one of its kind,actually. And the best thing about it is that it is sooo relatable. Even when reading it, i can feel the anger and despair one feels when the blame is put on them. Sooo true- it is not cool. But then you cant expect cool things from totally dumb people who make it their job to play this blame game. Believe me, they play it very well, not being able to play a good game.

But then sometimes it if you were just repeating. Nevertheless it was a nice poem.

Hi. Well written

Hi @Liberty500 I am here to do a review on your poem here. So lets get right into it shell we.

what did she do?
i ask you. . .
what did she do?
the girl with the black hair,
black eyes,
black clothes.
what did she do?
everyone played the blame game with. . .
the girl with the black hair,
black eyes,
black clothes.
what did she do?
i ask you. . .
what did she do?
nothing, i tell you.
nothing.
what did she do?
did she sin?
did she lie?
did she kill?
did she cheat?
no.
i tell you,
the girl with the black hair,
black eyes,
black shoes,
did nothing.
don't put the blame on her.
don't play the blame game.
she did nothing.

This poem is soooooo gooodd though.It kinda reminds of the song Look what you made me do.Its sooo smooth.But you should never let negative people upset you.There is always a bright side.Such people want to make you unhappy.Do not give them this satisfaction.Besides
. And i don't really care if nobody there believess
. Cuz i still got a lot of fight left left in me
Fight song by Rachel Platten
Have a gr8 Day