Young Writers Society

Hi Libby! Jade here to leave you a quick review on your delicious poem!

I think the first, second, and last stanzas rhymes aren't exact, and the rest are, but that is a super minor critique, and I am sure you thought about that! My ONLY other critique is in the 6th stanza. The second line.

from my chocolate and play is a bit wordy and disrupts the flow when everything else is perfect.

Overall, I loved this poem, it's super relatable and fun to read!

This is not the first poem of yours, Liberty, that made me wander to the very core of my heart, to my childhood days and back. It is so very colorful and, though I sense a meaning or perhaps a few of them hiding behind it, just imagining it as it is - someone enjoying their Snickers - is fun in itself. Thank you!

Hi Lib, so like I said, this is your review prize that I was /supposed/ to write for you after RevMo in September for the Checklist Challenge prize - but I am just now getting around to it! Sorry for the delay, and thank you for your patience!

I found this to be an entertaining poem, mostly because I also have a love of chocolate and have a sister who I will not share candy with, because that would just be unfair!

So I liked that you had nice even little lines & I really liked that you had the repetition of the line "I taste nothing bitter" because the second repetition I think changes it's meaning. In the first, the reader things your referring to bitter, like the opposite of sweet, but then in the last round the speaker is referring to bitter like emotional bitterness - the speaker has no regret that she didn't share her beloved candy bar with her sister - and it's just hilarious!

I think you paint a neat and snappy portrayal of sibling interactions. Without the play on words, I think the poem would be a bit too simplistic to have much meaning, but with the play on words, I actually quite like it as a short piece.

One critique:

I like to eat chocolate
that is solid.

Hello Lib as you can tell it's me again here to leave a short review for you because I really can't see anything wrong with this poem, it has been thought through really well, and all your punctuation has been put in the right places to give it the best flow.
I must say I have bone to pick with you!!! Why you ask? Well let me tell you...Its because I am now craving something chocolate!! XD You couldn't have picked any other words to make me see the chocolate and start to taste it, and the picture at the end was a really nice touch, it made me crave it even more.
I did like the bit were you had your sister come and ask for the chocolate, it reminds me of my own little sister that looks at me with a begging face for my food if I make something yummy, so that part had me cracking up with laughter.

Well I did tell you this was going to be a short review! So that will be all from me until I move onto the next work of yours I haven't reviewed yet. I will now go grab something yummy to eat to I stop craving that darn chocolate! Have a great day or night!

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPheonix!
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

HI LIBERTY MY LOVES, I'M HERE TO CRITIQUE YOUR "SNICKERS"

First of all, your title is very capturing and very yummy.
You act like an endorcer of snickers huh. HAHA.

Hmm, your poetry is describing how you really like eating snickers,oww lucky snickers. >_<
Btw, the words you used is simple and understandable so that I easily get what do you want so say.

Riothe Selcouth 🍂

Hey, Liberty! I'm back again with another review.

First off - I see that you wrote this poem with @26Gemini! I love seeing collaborative poetry; it leaves me guessing who inspired what line. But since I'm not familiar enough with either of your writing styles, I'll just say that I really enjoyed reading through this poem.

I'm more of a Hershey bar girl myself, but you definitely captured what it's like to eat a Snickers bar. You highlighted all of the key traits of one - the sweetness, how solid it is, and how it lacks anything sour. The only critique I have regarding that part of the poem is that you might want to include more about the sensation of eating one.

(An example of something you might include is how it melts on your tongue when you put it in your mouth, or how crunchy it can get when you take a bite out of it.)

On the other hand, the fun aspects of your poem come from it being a cute little piece about eating candy, so I'm not sure that much detail is needed - it's really up to you!

I also got a kick out of the rhyme scheme. But, as @Horisun mentioned before me, the first line doesn't rhyme, so it admittedly threw me off when I saw the first pair of rhyming lines.

All in all, I really liked this poem! I hope I can see more from you two in the future.

Happy #RevMo !

Oh, gosh, sorry if I spammed your notifications! It sent out multiple times.

Good day, or night, or non of the above if you're in a spaceship! I'm here to do a review! (Obviously)
Firstly, this is MOST IMPORTANT! You wrote a poem about SNICKERS and not KIT KATS! Which I find HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! (Kidding)
Second, I love the rhyming! It is absolutely wonderful, I just love it when poems have a steady beat, and rhyme! Two birds with one stone!
Finally, this is an itty, bitty, tiny, winy, nitpick that you can totally ignore because it really doesn't matter, but thought I'd point out anyway. And that's that the first line didn't rhyme! (Like I said, super minor)
But other then that, (And the fact that you didn't write a poem about the best candy bar ever! XD) This poem looks great! You're really great at poetry!
See ya later! And have a great day!

Good day, or night, or non of the above if you're in a spaceship! I'm here to do a review! (Obviously)
Firstly, this is MOST IMPORTANT! You wrote a poem about SNICKERS and not KIT KATS! Which I find HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! (Kidding)
Second, I love the rhyming! It is absolutely wonderful, I just love it when poems have a steady beat, and rhyme! Two birds with one stone!
Finally, this is an itty, bitty, tiny, winy, nitpick that you can totally ignore because it really doesn't matter, but thought I'd point out anyway. And that's that the first line didn't rhyme! (Like I said, super minor)
But other then that, (And the fact that you didn't write a poem about the best candy bar ever! XD) This poem looks great! You're really great at poetry!
See ya later! And have a great day!

Good day, or night, or non of the above if you're in a spaceship! I'm here to do a review! (Obviously)
Firstly, this is MOST IMPORTANT! You wrote a poem about SNICKERS and not KIT KATS! Which I find HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! (Kidding)
Second, I love the rhyming! It is absolutely wonderful, I just love it when poems have a steady beat, and rhyme! Two birds with one stone!
Finally, this is an itty, bitty, tiny, winy, nitpick that you can totally ignore because it really doesn't matter, but thought I'd point out anyway. And that's that the first line didn't rhyme! (Like I said, super minor)
But other then that, (And the fact that you didn't write a poem about the best candy bar ever! XD) This poem looks great! You're really great at poetry!
See ya later! And have a great day!

Heya, Liberty, this is Casanova here with a final review of your portfolio! Let's get to it.

Well, honestly I didn't know what exactly what I was going to review in this, but I guess I'll have to take a crack at it.

So, this is entirely about eating a snickers. I do find it refreshing that someone could find so much detail and life in just this simple act. When I eat something- it's literally just because I'm hungry. Not for any special reason, there's just a rumbling in my stomach, so I'll have to give you props for that. Anyway, onward.

The most humorous part about this is literally when the sister asks for some and you say,"Sadly she thinks I'll agree". That I found to be the best part of it, honestly. It's humorous, and I can see it actually happening.

Now, really the only thing I don't like about this poem, is that...It's literally only about eating the snickers. Like, that's the only part of this. It's the best part of the situation, but also the only thing holding it back, if that makes any sense at all.

Anyway I liked this poem and I would like to see more like it.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Sincerely, Casanova

Wesh! JadeLotus here to review a poem. Let's just get to it.

I like to eat chocolate
that is solid.

I bite into my Snickers,
tasting nothing bitter.

The flow is a tad off and the syllable count could be perfected. Though, this is a really relatable poem already XD.

While I look at its neatness,
I savor its sweetness.

The last bite is here!
I don't want it to be near!

Maybe change "I don't want it to be near" to "I wish it's not near" or something with 5 syllables.

My sister asks some from me.
Sadly she thinks I'll agree.

I just wish she'd go away,
from my chocolate and play.

The flow is kind of evened out and let's be honest, that's funny!!

I gobble up the rest of the Snickers.
And again, I taste nothing bitter.

A good end to it. Overall, I give this a 7-10. More lighthearted than I expected but that's good! have a great day and I hope this helped.

-Professor JadeLotus-
Image result for snickers bar

Hi! I'll be reviewing your poem for today! I love how light-hearted this is. The tone is fun. I also really love your slant rhymes at the beginning with snickers/bitter and chocolate/solid. My only qualm is that there were a few slight grammar mistakes, however, they were so small it doesn't even matter. Also, I really like how you included a picture of the snickers bar at the end. It really gave your poem that special touch. Overall, I enjoyed this a lot and can't wait to see more of your fun and silly poems!



-Avery <3

Hello! Just a short review for you:

This poem is fresh and light. It made me crack a smile, it's fun without it being childish. I like that you decided to state for two times that you don't taste nothing bitter. It made me stop to think about how we often forget to appreciate the small sweet things of life.
With this poem you shared positivity and it was an entertaining read.

Hello Liberty!!

Nummy! Love it, lol.

This is a very creative poem. It makes me wanna eat a snickers now. I love how you used imagery in this. And the details are great! Specialy for a short poem. There is a few grammar mistakes, and one of the lines about sister doesn't make quite sense... But either than that its good.

Keep up the good work!

Have a nice day!

Sincerly Anma