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139,536 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hi Libby, it's Jade (duh) here to randomly review something by you, I'm probably going to make you cringe. Okay, let's start.
Day one was short, simple, straight to the point, though to be honest, maybe some sort of metaphor instead would be more practical, or something along those lines?
Day two does go hand in hand with day one, and it made me smile, which is what I think you went for.
Day three, so eloquent, so well put. No, seriously, for a poem I think you may want to expand on why you put it like this or be more specific.
Day four is also random. I know it's a daily thing, and I'm very sure it's real, but maybe it leading up to something would be more beneficial.
Day five, maybe substitute the second cooked to something else, cleaned, wrote, i don't know.
Day six is relatable.
Day seven, I think T.V. should be capitalized.
Overall, a cute poem, though it's hard to take it seriously. I'm doing this for fun and I just wanted to offer some critiques so if you want the points just ask. I doubt you care about it now but I hope I helped and if you can't tell, your writing has gotten so much better ^^
Jade
This was a completely random, out of the blue poem and I completely forgot this existed but thanks for the review, haha.
Hi there! I can’t understand your goal or purpose in writing this. I feel like it’s a short answer to what you did over holiday vacation. Maybe you could expand on the why and how spending the days made you feel. Day three threw it off rhythm to me. Feels like a small vocabulary choice. Maybe ‘relaxed’, ‘unwinded’. The lack of capitalization makes this all seem a little to simple to keep me interested. However! I still value the effort you put forth in writing this piece. Keep learning!
Main point* Continue to learn, experiment with adjectives, add details!
Great effort.
Thanks for the review! =)
Hi! I was not really sure what I expected when I clicked on this after reading the description but it definitely was not this. Although this is good, I feel like this could be expanded on, I mean, reading this, I was really confused and like, 'ok...' and was kind of expecting a little poem or even the whole thing to be styled as almost a diary type poem, like where you start of one section is about day one, and the next section is day two if you catch my drift. Honestly, if you ignore my advice I won't mind because this is your work and you don't have to do anything about this if you don't want to. I just thought it might be nice so if anyone did look at this they could see something and be like 'wow!' more than just confused.
Sorry if any of what I said was offensive to you. I just like to be as honest as possible.
Have a nice day! And a nice 2020!
Hi! I was not really sure what I expected when I clicked on this after reading the description but it definitely was not this. Although this is good, I feel like this could be expanded on, I mean, reading this, I was really confused and like, 'ok...' and was kind of expecting a little poem or even the whole thing to be styled as almost a diary type poem, like where you start of one section is about day one, and the next section is day two if you catch my drift. Honestly, if you ignore my advice I won't mind because this is your work and you don't have to do anything about this if you don't want to. I just thought it might be nice so if anyone did look at this they could see something and be like 'wow!' more than just confused.
Sorry if any of what I said was offensive to you. I just like to be as honest as possible.
Have a nice day! And a nice 2020!
Thanks for the review. I definitely get what you mean - I meant it to be short and simple, because most of the time, I suck at writing descriptive poems, if you know what I mean. cx So for this one, I tried being simple and straightforward, telling people what happened each day. And no! None of this was offensive! Thanks again!
Hey!
Here for a review. This piece is so small and simple, and that is my favorite thing about this piece. I would love if the seven days told a story, but to me there's no continuity to each day. I get there is some significance to food because most of this poem is about food, buying it, eating it, cleaning up after it, but what is the significance? And, if the description hadn't mentioned anything about the holidays, I would have no idea this poem was about any particular seven days, let alone the holidays.
Hope this helps,
Rascalover <3
Thank you for the review! It definitely helps. =)
This is a very nice, concise poem that I found brought out a lot of holiday-esque feelings/scenes in my mind. The idea of making rolls and sleeping all day during holiday break are simple, yet enjoyable images to have before me. I like that the poem is simple and consistent in structure, and you accomplish your goal of outlining a few holiday activities without going into too much detail. At times, less is more, and I feel like this is a perfect example of that.
Thanks for the review!