Young Writers Society

Oh no! I was reading this just now and thought in my head, "How cool... it's like a REVERSE acrostic!" and then I scrolled down and saw that I already wrote that as feedback a few years ago xD I guess my brain is still the exact same. Anywho I think that's a compelling technique to use in poetry again in the future.

I'd like to see this in the form of a children's book! I think it'd be kind of fun, because as the kid turns the page revealing each letter they learn how to spell "HAPPY".

A few polishing notes should you ever return to this piece ~

I think the bold doesn't really add anything here? I would just leave it usual text form I think.

The second and fourth lines don't make a full sentence on their own, so I would change up the punctuation to the following instead:

The ants are crawling ever so slowly,
So is my hand, over this key board.
The ants are making a formation,
Putting my mind to a confusion.

Hi Libby, this poem was adorable! I'm here to give it a quick review. The opening two lines were beautiful!

I like how you spelt out the word happy, it's a really creative device that I've never seen before. I also enjoyed how simple it was, it wasn't overwhelmed with detail or needless words. i also liked the flow.

One thing I would like to mention, however, the double letters for everything but the P (technically, there would be one P) was sort of weird. Didn't sit right with me.

I really enjoyed this poem!

Heya, Liberty, Casanova here to do another review for you.

Alright, the first thing I would like to talk about is punctuation. Generally, I use punctuation depending on the flow of the poem. What do I want this to sound like outloud? How do I want this to be perceived? Should the character be out of breath or should the character be breathless? These are all things I think about whenever I am doing punctuation for a poem, and I think that it could really help you as well.

The next thing I would like to talk about- this is supposed to be a happy poem, correct? It reads,"Happy," but it doesn't really read happy to me, if you know what I mean. The way it's worried makes it seem stiff, formal, and not really something that someone else, or even myself, would genuinely smile at with the way that it's worded. I think some happy word play and messing around with imagery could really help with that, although I could be wrong and this could just be me.

The last thing is actually praise- my favourite thing about this poem was the idea of ants being able to move around like band members in a parade to spell things out. That always excited me growing up, so I do see exactly what you were trying to go for whenever you said that, so i give you props for that idea, and I would like to see that finished if you ever want to go back and try to redo it.

Anyway I think that this is a really good poem idea and I would like to see what you could do with it.

Sincerely, Casa

Hi Liberty!

I like the simplicity of this poem. While I feel like the build-up could have led to something a bit more dramatic, it's a sweet poem. I do find that the repetition of the "the ants formed/my finger glides" is a bit repetitive, as it made my eyes skip over the last few lines because I knew what it was going to say. But the poem is short and to the point and overall has a sweet message, so it's good. I do like line eight, the "faded 'a'." That's good imagery. I really enjoyed this poem.

Keep writing,

Oliver

How did the ants learn to spell though? So many questions about this poem, though I do really like the idea of a reverse acrostic! How neat! It's a sweet little poem, although the repetition of "the ants" / "my finger" I found to be a bit repetitive, and it felt like there could have been a bigger meaning or reveal at the ending. Keep on writing!

Hi Shikora here with a review on your great peace of work.

Let's begin.

The name to your poem was a really good fit, I think it tells you everything you need to know about the poem, and I think that's really cool. The next thing is that it drew me in making me want to read this poem.
It's nice that you haven't made this poem to short, and you started it out very nicely it was easy to read and under stand.

There were a few things I saw, and I would like to tell you.

The first thing is easy.

So is my hand. Over this key board.

The ants have formed an 'H',
My finger clicks the 'H'.

The ants have formed an 'H',
My fingers glide over to the 'H', and press done on it.