There was no after story for us,
Because our story was never meant to be.
I burned the book,
Since the day you removed my source of living.
I thought I found my true love.
I thought you were my prince charming.
I painted you in my picture book.
But you didn’t give me any fantasy that I love.
I have loved you,
But you didn’t.
I gave myself to you,
But you never give me anything back.
You welcomed me in your house,
Because I was your wife.
You never open up to me,
Because I wasn’t your lover.
I was like a bird in a cage.
A butterfly in a bottle.
A jewelry in a box.
I was just an accessory.
If only I could speak to you with my voice
Rather than writing it down on the book,
Would you still accept me?
Would you still understand my feelings?
A single page on that book,
Has all my feelings in it.
It was meant to be a gift.
But you never get the chance to read them.
That book doesn’t have an happy ending.
It ended up with a tragedy.
Because our story wasn’t meant to be.
Because our marriage doesn’t have an after story.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
King here for another review, specially devilishly delivered to you, lovely writer.
So, as always, let's start with what I like in your work.
I think, that what I like and dislike is always the same, in every work of yours. In general, even if the work has a different idea and we talk about different every single time. The problems are all same, which really makes me feel sad. I only had reviewed very short as a length works from you, so this time, it will be different. I will try to point out clearly and good enough, what is okay and what is not okey. Before this review starts to get annoying and boring for you, let's start.
There was no after story for us,
I love the way you start the work, even if it is still mysteryous.
Because our story was never meant to be.
I think you need to start this line with a small letter. The previous line ended with a comma.
I thought I found my true love.
I thought you were my prince charming.
Maybe it is only me, but the repeating ruins it for me.
I think only you, as a writer, can correctly edit this.
I have loved you,
In this line I think I udnerstand what you mean. Maybe it is perfect tense, so you had tried to do it right, but it is better without the have. It is still understandable, even if it is without it.
Because our story wasn’t meant to be.
Because our marriage doesn’t have an after story
This ends with a fullstop, but with that dropped aside, I still do not like the end. For me at least, it is not thst short and soudns unfinished. For the several mistakes I had mentioned, they are not only in the lines I mentioned, I just gave a basic example. With them, you will be able to correct everything else.(I hope)
Overall, I like your work, but it really needs work, the same way other works of yours need. I like feelings put in the work and the comparaments in the work as in:
"I was like a bird in a cage." And everything after it.
Keep on writing, so I can review your works.
Hi Harry here for a review: So first off I loved how you started off with the poem, it gets the reader right into it and you also add feeling to your story and make people smile and cry and laugh. Makes them wonder what love really is. The middle of the story I liked because it has a story inside a story you don't see that in many poems. You do see them in books and short stories but poems are hard to do. I like this part: (If only I could speak to you with my voice
Rather than writing it down on the book,
Would you still accept me?
Would you still understand my feelings?
A single page on that book,
Has all my feelings in it.) this part A single page on that book, Has all my feelings in it. Tells people that the decisions you make will be written in your history so to choose what you do carefully. I only have one question though. What was the tragedy you talk about? was it divorce? Death? or an unfaithful loyal lover who broke your heart? try to add more detail in the end of your poem by explaining what the tragedy was. So that you don't leave your reader hanging. Good Job and Happy Writing!
Hey! I'm here to review your poem!
"There was no after story for us,
Because our story was never meant to be."
I love the beginning to this poem!
"I have loved you,"
I don't think this sounds right
"If only I could speak to you with my voice
Rather than writing it down on the book,"
I love the story behind this poem. I can tell this is a sad poem about someone not loving you back when you love them.
"Because our marriage doesn’t have an after story."
I think the ending of the poem wasn't as strong as it could and should be. "an after story" Also what exactly is an after story. I'm confused to how this relates to the poem xD (I'm sorry. I'm not very smart ;-; )
I hope this was helpful
Rachel
Yolo peoples! LadyRanicorn here for another amazing review!!!!! To start out this wonderful review, let me just say, I LOVE THIS POEM!!!!! It be so good!!! I'm no expert on poems, but I can tell that you spent a lot of time and effort on this piece of literature. The way you set it up if amazing and beautiful. The speaker seems to have some kind of hard love relationship, well duh, because of how you kept on saying that her husband doesn't really love her. I also enjoyed how you said something new in each stanza, but it relayed the same message so that it's the perfect combination of repeating something with out that something ever getting old... Sorry, rambling here... Got to leave now, before I clog up this space. So until next time, LadyRanicorn out!!! P.s. I love your username... KITTYS!!!!!!!