You impermanent lost my sight
When you blindfolded my eyes
The unfeeling of my touch
When you shackled my hands and feet
Making my world absurd
You breathed out into my ear
Forcefully touched your lips to mine
Slowly touched my neck
With your soft palm
Agitatedly feeling my pulse
Clenched me with your love
Pleasured me with your torture
Frightened myself deeply
Screaming horribly
But I couldn’t cry
I heard you
Like an echo
Seductively breathing
To my ear
Until the end
You loosen the chains
You unblinded my eyes
You kissed me a thousand times
Hugging me one last time
Until our night will stay forever
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139,438 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
ok sorry for posting more then once this is the first time i used this sight and did not know that u needed a certian amount of words to count as a review.well i also write poems and i really love your work.it is much better then the poem i just posted called when u were here.it also is sort of a romance but enought of that. please keep up your writing because i am interested in reading more and also msg me any time so we can get to know each other a little
ok sorry for posting more then once this is the first time i used this sight and did not know that u needed a certian amount of words to count as a review.well i also write poems and i really love your work.it is much better then the poem i just posted called when u were here.it also is sort of a romance but enought of that. please keep up your writing because i am interested in reading more and also msg me any time so we can get to know each other a little
this is an awesome poem much better then the one i posted.i will love to read more of your work.once i learn how to follow i will follow u so just uh keep up the good work.
this is an awesome poem much better then the one i posted.i will love to read more of your work.once i learn how to follow i will follow u so just uh keep up the good work.you used good format and good descriptive words.
Hi, RainbowPowerPonies here with a review on this wonderful review day!
Wow, this is really good. So, I like how you used short lines to get your meaning across, and that your title describes the poem. But, I do want to say that I started reading consumed. You said: "You impermanent lost my sight" I find this confusing maybe if you rephrase it to "You impermanently took my sight" would be better? It's up to you. Also, when you said "Seductively breathing, To my ear" I found this confusing as well, maybe replace 'to' with 'in'. I love the way you end this poem, taking it from seductive to just plain sweet. This was really good and I loved reading it, although this is the first poem I have read from you I can go back and read some of your previous works. You have talent.
Keep Writing, I'll be Reading
Best wishes,
RainbowPowerPonies
Hi, RainbowPowerPonies here with a review on this wonderful review day!
Wow, this is really good. So, I like how you used short lines to get your meaning across, and that your title describes the poem. But, I do want to say that I started reading consumed. You said: "You impermanent lost my sight" I find this confusing maybe if you rephrase it to "You impermanently took my sight" would be better? It's up to you. Also, when you said "Seductively breathing, To my ear" I found this confusing as well, maybe replace 'to' with 'in'. I love the way you end this poem, taking it from seductive to just plain sweet. This was really good and I loved reading it, although this is the first poem I have read from you I can go back and read some of your previous works. You have talent.
Keep Writing, I'll be Reading
Best wishes,
RainbowPowerPonies
Oh thank you for that correction :3