Words to my Persona

Hello,King here for a review. I hope I help here.
I checked the previous reviews and I saw bad and good things, said towards this work. Well, I will still say what I personally think, hopefully it is still helpful for you and motive you to correct the work or just go on, doing your best.
As I said, not everyone will like this font, I personally do, but still it is hard to read, to br honest. I still think, that the font is the least problematic thing in this work. We have other bigger problems to correct than the font.


First of all, I want to say what I like about this work.
I can not say a lot here because I can explain myself pretty shortly. I like that you start with a question, and this is me, personally. I like your tittle, also. At least it caught my eye, I think, this is big enough reason to mention this in the positive part of this review. I will tell what I like, and you will understand that I like everything else.


1.So,first, with the punctuation. I think you got that enough as a negative comment, but if you want me to fully edit it, pm me, it is no problem. I just do not want to make this review full of negative comments, though sometimes, it is needed in a review. This is something you can choose to correct or no, so I will not push you to do it.


2.The repeating use of the same word at the start of each line in the first spanza. This is what it is bothering me. Maybe rethink how you can change the first word or just write a different sentence (question in this work it is), but still have the same meaning, to not change your whole work because of this.

3. The capitalization. Just correct these mistakes, after each comma, put a small letter for the following line.

By the way:
The fifth spanza is personally my favourite, to point out! Even if it is the shortest and with the simpliest meaning. I love the simple and full.


Overall, I love your work, and hope you improve even more in the future. Keep on writing.

Personalities different?

Hello, AnimeGirl here. I wanted to drop in and give a short review.

I wanted to start off with saying that anything I say in this will be from my own opinion and don't have to take my opinion if you don't want to. Ok now lets start.

The format you have this poem in, personal preference here, is not really what I would have picked. I like how organized and clean poems that are put into stanzas of four or five lines.

"Why are you crying?

Why are you sad?

What are you thinking right now?

When you are in pain,

I could feel it."

Those lines there could use some new wording to let it flow better. The way it goes doesn't sound so smooth.

"When you cry,

When I see you crying,

The tears start to fall on my eyes"

The first two lines there sound like they almost repeat, and the last line doesn't make all that much sense to me. Did you mean " The tears start to fall from my eyes."?

"We can be the same person

Our life can be the same

But our personality is different

You wake up when I cry

When I am in pain

When I feel like I'm down

But I can pull you back

I can control you

Cause I don't want you to be seen"

This here was good, though you completely gave up on punctuation for this whole end. Before this you had question marks and periods, now you just let it go. Also another thing with letting it flow, the way it sounds like you jump from one idea to a new one with no flow. It has potential for a poem but is ruff all around, maybe try to read it out loud to see if it flows well. You don't have to read it to someone but just reading it out loud helps to hear bumps and gaps.

Thank you for taking the time to read this review and like I said before you don't have to listen to me on anything.

Thanks for the work and hope to see improvement in your works.

~AnimeGirl

A lot of emotion in this. I am not so sure what I would tell my persona. But, if I had a few things to say it would be. Suck it up! Stop crying and being mad all the time. Let go of the past and some people are not your real friends. Do not be so sensitive, you need to leave things along, please do better, and slap that person.

Hahaha, I do not know. Something along those lines would be appropriate. I love the emotion in your writing, you can really feel some of the pain and hurt that is behind it