I sleep to a thousand dreams.
Like movie tapes,
With a thousand scenes.
Showing me dimensionally.
I ran to a thousand dreams.
Finding a way to get out,
Hoping to wake me up,
In this horrible nightmare.
Like in a forest,
With thousands of falling leaves,
Running away continuously.
Like I was being chased.
Like in one dark room
With thousands of mirrors.
Reflecting on each side
Like there is no end.
Getting trap in two different worlds.
Like a maze
With many different paths.
Finding its only exit.
Doesn't matter what path I should go,
As I heard the bell,
I started running.
Following where it sound goes to.
Doesn't matter how many mirrors are there.
I would break every one of them.
Destroying every reflection
Until not a single shard would stick to its frame.
Doesn't matter where I go.
I would fall to a cliff,
High enough so no one can find me.
Even it leads me to death.
For I have to wake up.
To my own world.
Thinking that everything was a dream,
From an endless nightmare.
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139,388 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Hi! I'm kind of new to reviewing, so sorry if this isn't up to caliber with anything else.
I really enjoyed this poem! It has a great use of the freeform style. The repetition helps it feel a lot more natural. Okay, there is one grammatical error that stands out to me. It says "Getting trap in two different worlds." Trap needs to be in past tense form. Besides that, it's a really nice poem, and I like the vibe it has to it!
How did you write with this font? Oh, and by the way! I really, really loved this poem.
Hello writer ! Your poem is an amazing display of art. I completely loved your poem. As I kept reading it got more and more interesting. Even your title is one which draws attention of the readers. The words you used to describe your dream in the poem are really good and the end was excellent. Your poem had a beautiful flow and didn't seem like having no link. Good work , keep writing and giving everyone a chance to read and appreciate your work. Hope my review was useful to you in any way.
Urvika
Hello, I'm Abhipsa here for a review.
Before I start, I want to tell you that whatever I write are solely my own thoughts. So you don't need to get too serious about them.
First of all, I simply loved your title and the concept. Initially when I started reading, I just thought that you were describing one strange dream and would end it comically when the narrator would wake up. But as I read on, the atmosphere became a little serious and interesting. And at the end it was amazing. So, excellently written!
Now coming to the cons (for, unfortunately everyone can find the cons in some way or other), the use of the word ''thousand'' continuously in four paragraphs somehow ruined the flow. You could have started the second para in a way like ''I shifted (or ran) from dream to dream...''. The flow was very well maintained in the first paragraph but then it went off. I don't know if you wanted to maintain a rhyme scheme or not, but at some places it was there and in some not, if read out aloud. Then there is a repetition of the the word "like" from the 2nd to the 5th para, which also did not turn out well. In my opinion repetition works out well when it is used either in a single line or only once in a para.
But anyway, overall you have a great work with you.
Keep writing and delighting your readers!
Great review!
Thanks, but I don't think it did help you much.
Hello,I see you are here from quite a long time but I still see your work for the first time.So why not reviewing this lovely work of yours?
Honestly,your style of writing,or let's say,your font..I like them,and they pretty different from the one I am used to see and write in.It is really fresh and good to see something different once in a while.
Now that I had said what I like about this work,I will say what I think can be better.
At least I could not understand the main idea of this work.Maybe I had the hard time to understand it because of some basic mistakes with the grammar and the punctuation,so I think of showing you some of them,and how we can correct them.This just needs the double check.
So to be fair,let's start with the first para.Also,If you think my corrections are not right,I prefer you to tell me.
I sleep to a thousand dreams.
Like movie tapes,
With a thousand scenes.
Showing me dimensionally.
1.I like the flow in this para but some parts does not make sense for me(at least).
I sleep to a thousand dreams.
I do not think it is a very good start.Maybe the 'to' is ruining it for me.I think I understand that you had thousand dreams but mayne this is the wrong way to say it.
Showing me dimensionally.
For this last line from the first para,I only have a question.Who shows you what? The dreams show you the scenes or the scenes show you something?
2.The capitalization.
Thinking that everything was a dream,
From an endless nightmare.
It needs to be:
Thinking that everything was a dream,
from an endless nightmare.
Or you can separe the sentence into two.
3.This line.
I would fall to a cliff,
...
I think it is better to say: I would fall from a cliff.(only my opinion but sounds better)
4.The repeatment of 'a thousand dreams'.
Please replace it or just change the whole sentences once im a while.
Maybe just replace the word 'thousand'.
Please check the other parts of mistakes that I had mentioned.I just wanted to give example of what I think can be corrected.I really love your work and even if you have mistakes in it,everyone makes mistakes,after all.I like the emotions put into this work and this has potential so do not give up from it.
Keep on writing.