Sleeping on a cold night,
Waiting for your senses to shut off,
Nothing else
But darkness and imagination.
Until you have nothing to hear,
Nothing to see,
Nothing to taste,
Only a "cold air" touches you
Not even a second,
Or a minute,
Your eyes opens
A "Gate to your Everything" unclose
Stepping to another world
Watching certain images
Flash in front of you
One image to another
Until it hits you,
A hole breaks in
Falling down
To an unending place
Nothing hits you;
Standing up with high walls
Walking to that place
With nothing else to see but darkness
Leading you to nowhere
But "something" tells you
'Don't go any further'
Waking up to a room of "True Self"
But not fully awake
Until you break out
From that gate.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,504 Literary Works • 672,591 Reviews
I really like this and how dramatic you've made this seem. As soon as I saw the title, I was drawn in because it was so concise yet so intriguing and I was interested to see what was behind this other door, from your perspective. I believe you've created something extremely mysterious that some people may have to read over to actually pick out what's occuring. However, I think that's something special because it shows that this poem has deep meaning. Well done - this is awesome!
i love the illustration of nothingness. the lack of texture gives off a claustrophobic feeling and the need to break free of the darkness. i also like your word choice of "uncloses" instead of "opens" because it shows that the gate used to be open before it was closed, so we get the feeling that this is our second chance; we missed it before, therefore floating in the dark nothingness was a consequence rather than inflicted by an outside force.
the only thing i can think to say negative about it is the sheer vagueness of the poem may come off as confusing and take the reader a while to pull meaning from it, but as a poem, that my be a good thing. it just depends on if your intention is to get a specific point across, or if you want for your audience to come to their own conclusion which may or not be the same as yours. either way works and this is a lovely poem.
I like the meaning behind this poem, there are a few places where there are grammatical errors "Falls you down" "Watching certain images flashes in front of you" You might want to change those lines to "You fall down" and "Watching certain images flash in front of you"
]
If your going to use full stops like you did in the first stanza make sure to use them the full way through.
My favorite part was the first stanza, it paints a real picture in the mind of the reader.
The poem as a whole feels surreal and mystifying.
[nice work on the formatting
~nagE