She Gives A Smile

I quite wanted to see more of you and your beautiful works,so this is why I am here for another short (maybe) review to help this work of yours improve.
I kinda cried to this.I saw that your work,that I just previously read and reviewed was also on the sad dark side,and this one,too.I really like it,even if it is really sad.I just feel the emotions of the girl and her pain,even if tries to hide the pain and smile,after all that he had done to hurt her and leave her,stay there alone.I still love your font,even if firstly I had problems reading it.But now I am okey with it and I prefer it written its way.It shows it is the original from you.
Sometimes it is better to leave the one you love and cut this rope,before it kills you.And the girl will be happier in the end(at least I hope because she deserves it ).


Now that I had said the things I like in this lovely work(which are a lot),I will say what I think can be corrected and written better.

1.The missing commas.

She who holds the rope,
...


This line is where I saw you need thr comma,even if it is not 100% necessary.I,personally,think it is better to put it after 'She'.The same I think for the first line of the last spanza.On the same place,because the thinking of mine for it is the same.

2.The capitalization(again).


I think I saw the same at the other work of yours.
You can correct that by yourself,if I tell you where this can be correct,I hope.



She who carries the pain,
(b)ut still smiling.


And this is on several more places but I think you will notice it.

3.One thing I want to make sure of these similar parts.


For him like they make a promise.

And

For she creates a special day,

And

For she gives up the promise

And

For he deceives her the whole time.


I think these are all the places I had seen this problem in.I do not find the word 'for' suitable there.We can talk about it,though.Maybe remove it or combinate it with other word to make more sense,but I think removing is the best choice.


Overall,as I said in the very beggining,I love the way you write and I hope to find,read and review more of your works.I really enjoy them,even if they are so sad and emotional.Worth the read,I would say.I love your uniqie style of writing.Go on.

Oh that was beautiful. The flow was great and really kept me wanting to read more. I could visualize what I was reading and it was cool. You are very good at writing poetry. I like the way you describe things throughout it. And what she was feeling and thinking. It was really good. I hope to read more of your work in the future! Keep it up KittyMew!

Hey!! It's Mahvash here and hope you are doing. It's a really nice poem.It reflects your feelings very well and the flow of emotions is good. The words are nicely penned. And the story described in this poem is very emotional. A guy cheating a girl and then a girl comes to know that she has been deceived. I really loved this poem. A very soulful poem it is and also very engaging. Keep on it. Well done

Really liked the poem.
But I have to say that you need to replace some of the periods for comas.
You have way too many.
Although it was kinda hard to understand what you were saying.
But besides that, I totally loved it.

Ok, I just have to say that I 100% love this poem and it made me sad and happy and warm and fuzzy inside all at the same time. I got the message and the story that you put into these words and I am in awe.

The passion behind the words that I can see and read, it is really outstanding. I liked how you made the story the same with using the last sentence with smile in it. It really carried on the message and the story with that phrase and words.

I liked you similies and how they tied in perfectly with all of the rest of the poem without disrupting the scheme of it.


Personal Opinion: I am a person who loves the rhyme scheme in poems and it makes the poems seem more advanced if you can make a rhyme scheme fit perfectly without disrupting the poem, but with the way that you wrote this poem, it was perfect and advanced without the rhyme scheme.

This poem does compare with some of the more famous poems by the authors and composers like Robert Frost and Emily Dickinson, and for me it is outstanding that you can compare with them.

Great Job and I hope you continue to write.

~PoeticCowboy

Hey there. I liked what you did. Honestly I didn't exactly understand all of it, but I felt it and that is also important. The parts I really did understand were amazing. You did a good job. I hope to see more, and feel free to message me any time. I'd be happy to help with anything. Don't worry about me not completely understanding I'm kind of stupid haha. Anyways good luck. Keep being you.

*Hugs*

Hi, it's Soulful here to give your work of ART a review and a little personal opinion! -throws glitter on it.- sparkle sparkle!

Review: Nothing wrong that I can see. I like the poem, be free!!!!

Personal Opinion: There is a lot that I work hard for and it was all for nothing. >.> Basically, there was a family thing that was going on and no one believed me. I tried so hard to get them to see my cousin for who she really was and they just waved it off. Every year it was the same thing, I got so frustrated. Then her true colors were finally shown and now all I can do is say 'I told you so' with the dance. I don't know. Or maybe I do feel that way about my writing, feeling like it's all for nothing, but I have learned early on not to give up. Take small needed breaks that last a year...or 2 years...no...a year, but don't give up.

Anyway, I am not sure if I touched on the subject at hand that you were trying to portray here. I hope I did. Though, sometimes it seems like it's all for naught, it's really not. Someone out there you are doing it for, be it for yourself, or for the love of it. It's there

Keep writing the right way. -exits stage right. Goes left.-