Love Letters

by KittyMew

Published May 14, 2016

E - Everyone

In Poetry

On the first month,

I sent you a hundred letters.

Two papers per day,

Telling you how much I loved you.

But you never replied



On the second month,

I sent you fifty letters.

Five letters per week,

Telling you how much I missed you.

But you never opened them.



On the third month,

I sent you thirty letters.

Two letters per week,

Hoping you would reply one day.

But you didn’t bother to read them.



I thought I could send you more letters.

I wanted to apologize to you sincerely

The mistake that hurt you.

The words that made you cry.

Until that very night, I left you behind



We were young,

We used to send many letters.

Day and night, we wrote.

Day and night, we replied.

And every day we read them.



Until one day I found out

That my future with you

Can no longer continue.

As the doctor said to me, “You have two more months to live.”

Which shattered my heart to pieces



Still, on the fourth month,

I sent you five letters.

One letter per week,

Sharing you our once upon a time

Despite knowing you would forget.



Though the pain pierced me,

Let me not stop writing.

As my death got nearer,

I wished for death to have pity

On my brief time.



On the fifth month,

I sent you my final letter.

Fourteen letters in one envelope.

And this wouldn’t be my last,

This rather be my final night to live.



Leaving my one small note, “I am sorry.

With this, the truth was written.

Despite the pain I gave you,

I never meant to make you cry.

Thinking you would cherish as well,

Our fourteen years of bliss together.

Let these earnest feelings of mine

Be close to your heart.

Even though you would forget,

My affection still lingers.”

Comments & reviews · 5
Random avatar
CelesteZaveri12 Comment
CelesteZaveri12 commented Comment · May 14, 2016

I really love that poem. So beautiful, I nearly cried. I'm still fighting tears, it's so beautiful. A tear just came out.
Really. It's sad...in a romantic and beautiful way. 5 stars!

Random avatar
Hadiyya111 Comment
Hadiyya111 commented Comment · May 14, 2016

Wow, wow, wow. Simply wow! This poem blew my heart away. I can feel the sadness, misery and longing behind it. Good job. Welldone!

nykolasandrews wrote a review Review · May 14, 2016

Hey, KittyMew! Nykolas here for another review.

Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. There were a couple flaws, but nothing is ever perfect the first few times.

Context wise, this piece is heartwrenching. It felt like I was living through this heartbreak, which is the best thing a poem could do to me. I absolutely love it, and I encourage writing like this more. If you want, of course.

Okay, next flow: I think this poem flowed really well. There were a few discrepancies, but I think you did a really good job, considering. This probably would've been difficult for anyone to do, and I think you hit the nail right on the head. But this one thing really popped out:

"As the doctor said to me"

With the rest of the stanza, "said to me" makes it awkward. Maybe just "said" or, "told me".

Only one thing stuck out to me grammar wise:

"But you never reply."

The problem with "reply" is that the rest of the poem is in past tense. Sticking with one tense is a vital part of a poem. You can not switch from "this happened yesterday" to "this is happening now."

Like I said, overall, this is an amazing poem. I love and relate to it more than you know. Keep writing and best of luck!

Happy writing,
Nyk

DivergentDemigod wrote a review Review · May 14, 2016

hey kitty! its phangirl! here to review your awesome work!

okay i totally agree that writting love letters will never get out of style! they were always and will always be the best way to convey ones feelings to another..

now about the poem, well i guess it was well written, but i can use some improvements, which i would gladly like to suggest...

THEME

the theme was sweet and simple, nothing fancy which btw is totally my thing! so yeah i would say good job about that! nothing much to say regarding it... the ending was sad though.... so it was more of bitter-sweet but hey i aint complaining.

FLOW

flow was good, cannot say aanything cuz it was a free-verse poem though. so yeah nothing for this part either...

STYLE

i liked your style of writing. the way the first two lines of each stanza of your poem started with the month number and the letter number, i really liked that!


PUNCUATION/GRAMMAR/SUGGESTION

okay so regarding the puncuation and grammar part i feel u could use some help..so here u go... i think u have used grammar in some areas while neglected in others, so here i would try my best to sugggest what i think..


Spoiler
On the first month,

I sent you a hundred letters.

Two papers per day,

Telling you how much I loved you.('t' should be de-capitalised)

But you never reply. (i think u should put 'reply' in past tense...replied would not only sound better, but is the right grammar...)



On the second month,

I sent you fifty letters.

Five letters per week,

Telling you how much I missed you. (should be de-capitalised)

But you never opened them.



On the third month,

I sent you thirty letters.

Two letters per week,

Hoping you would reply one day.(de-capitalize?)

But you didn’t bother to read them.



I thought I could send you more letters.

I wanted to apologize to you sincerely(add ',' here)

The mistake that hurt you. (de-capitalize and add 'for' in the begining that way it will make more sense atleast it did to me)

The words that made you cry.

Until that very night, I left you behind (add full stop here)

.....

Until one day I found out(add coma here)

That my future with you(de-capitalize)

Can no longer continue.(de-capitalize yet again)

As the doctor said to me, “You have two more months to live.”( told me would be better here, i think)

Which shattered my heart to pieces(fullstop)




ur work was okay i guess... i really liked your theme, so that is saying something i guess.

hoping for the best...
~phangirldivergent46

Thanks for the review :)

Although I have to make an answer about your review, basically I am following the traditional way of writing a poem. It may be old school, but I like to keep it that way :) because that's what my teacher (who is also a poet) taught us during our poetry class ;)

Random avatar
Mahvash
Review
Mahvash wrote a review Review · May 14, 2016

Hey! it's Mahvash here. and hope you are doing fine. So let's talk about this poem. This is just amazing. When I was reading it I felt as if my letters were not answered. This poem is really engaging. And I could not move my eyes off, really. Very emotional piece of writing. It is the best reflection of your feelings. You have done a really great job.

But I found a problem in the first stanza. As you have written the upper portion of the poem in past tense so the last line in the first stanza should also be in past tense like:

"But you never replied"

Otherwise the poem is incredible. Love it. Keep writing like this :)



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