Aphrodite herself now lives in my veins,
her essence an everlasting presence.
A stunning magnestism draws me to you,
beautiful in your luminescence.
~
Your eyes are as deep as the oceans, my love,
yet your spirit flies high as an eagle.
Your skin is a warm chestnut brown, my darling,
and, you know, you make me feel regal.
~
My words turn to whispers when I'm around you,
for I don't have the courage to speak.
Time seems to stop when you approach my dais.
Yes, I'm addled by your great mystique.
~
Your beauty and grace seem to hold me captive.
My very soul bends to your desire.
Is this truly love, my dear darling?
Or are you the world's greatest liar?
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127,795 Literary Works • 671,486 Reviews
Hi there! The way you began the poem is beautiful and creating a mystery about your lover.I love the way u talk about her beauty and her chestnut brown skin.The teenage fantasy love that you are experiencing seems like a beautiful one. Every line of this poem creates a mystrey about the way you two are or what is it about your love.The last line though seems inappropriate and creates a mindset that you are not sure of this person's character yourself. I also like the way you created the contour between her eyes and the spirit she lives within.Seems like she is a cool and way to go girl. By the way its been nice and i would love to see more from you.Keep writing! and all the very best!
Hi there! The way you began the poem is beautiful and creating a mystery about your lover.I love the way u talk about her beauty and her chestnut brown skin.The teenage fantasy love that you are experiencing seems like a beautiful one. Every line of this poem creates a mystrey about the way you two are or what is it about your love.The last line though seems inappropriate and creates a mindset that you are not sure of this person's character yourself. I also like the way you created the contour between her eyes and the spirit she lives within.Seems like she is a cool and way to go girl. By the way its been nice and i would love to see more from you.Keep writing! and all the very best!
Hey Kazey, Shakthi is here for a quick review...
Shall we begin???
Yeah, actually i could not find anything to point out. Your work is really awesome.
The storyline behind your poem is nicely written. Love is just Magical. I agree that love can make you feel like a regal. You have narrated the story in a cute way. What i can suggest is, you can work on the rhyming part.
Other than this, i like your poem very much. Your words chosen were appropriate and suits well.
And My favourite lines are, "Is this truly love, my dear darling?
Or are you the world's greatest liar?"
As a whole, keep up your good work and add even more beauty to it...
Happy writing..!