I Pity Those

Hey there! clogs here to review!

Before I start, I just have to get this out of the way:

Spoiler

Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living. And above all, pity those who do not know the nostalgia present on an ethereal, airy, celestial day like this.

Sorry, lol, it's what popped into my head every time I saw this poem in the People tab. XD Now let's begin!

I think that this poem leans too much on its adjectives. Being descriptive is good, but it just kind of gets to the point where you're listing adjectives. Sometimes it even feels like they're just there for the sake of being there, and they don't actually make all that much sense in context. For example, why would your body be "crisp"? So let's take a closer look at this.

I love the rain; the way it patters

against my windowpane,

its rich and luxurious touch

on my crisp, cool body.

This stanza gets off to a good start, because you're describing the action of the rain. The second two lines are where the adjectives become too much. None of the four adjectives used really describe rain. How is rain rich? I would think about chocolate being rich, not rain. The same applies to luxurious-- that's just not a word that fits with rain. I'm all for thinking about things in an unconventional way, but the way you've done it here is really abrupt. You're just dumping adjectives on the reader. The last line suffers from this too. Why is your body crisp and cool? I could maybe see it making sense, but even if it does, it still doesn't add anything to the poem.

So what can you do to avoid using too many adjectives? Try describing actions instead! Don't just describe the rain to the reader, instead, make the reader infer what you as the writer feel about the rain. If you genuinely think the rain is luxurious, then don't just say "it's luxurious". Talk about what it does that, in your opinion, makes it luxurious, and leave the reader to draw their own conclusions.

I love the heavenly, earthy

scent of petrichor on

the parched soil after heavy rain.

I love the rain.

The adjectives used in the first line were actually quite interesting. The contrast between heaven and earth is quite nicely played, but it's not phrased very well. Mainly because they're listed one after the other. You could find a place to fit one of those adjectives elsewhere, because the rest of this stanza is good in that regard.

Also, petrichor? Do I sense a Doctor Who fan here?

I'm not really a fan of the last line- it just repeats what's been said before and isn't really a strong ending for the stanza. If you're focusing on the soil and the rain, you could talk about how it sticks to your fingers now that it's wet or something? Just offer some more sensory imagery.

I pity those who do not know

the nostalgia present

on an ethereal, airy,

celestial day like this.

I love the rain.

The adjectives in this stanza suffer from the same problems as the ones in the first stanza. There's just too many of them, all at once. To me, it just feels like you're trying to use a lot of vocabulary, but it's not really working. Description =/= plunking a bunch of adjectives down, no matter how pretty the adjectives may be. It still comes across as telling rather than showing.

Your last stanza played on the sensory imagery a bit more- I encourage you to do that more! Rain is something that stimulates all five sense, so don't hesitate to tell the readers about that.

Also, the word nostalgia felt out of place to me. There's nothing in the rest of this poem that would indicate nostalgia. You didn't talk about playing in the rain when you were a child, so what makes it nostalgic? It kind of came out of nowhere.

Now let's talk about titles. I feel like the title you used was a little contrived. I mean, yes, you referenced it in the poem, but it was such a minor part that it just felt like "that was it?" when I was reading it. Also, it's just a very unsatisfying title. It's an unfinished phrase, so it's kind of awkward. I'd recommend considering another title. "Rain" is a little boring, so maybe something rain-related that works nicely.

Overall, this isn't a bad poem! I just think the adjectives are holding it back. I hope this review was helpful, and if you have any questions, just give me a shout!