Black-Eyed Susans

Wow I have never meet you or talked you you ever but there are a few things that I would like to say first could we be friends and second have you joined the review team? These are just so questions since I have never meet you ever.

Back to your poem you seam like a nice person and all but I think this poem wastage right mood for you because you seem like a nice person and I think you can do more than just write a story like this. It's good and tells the truth but I think you need to go a different way and try something out of you comfort zone, it works for me and it might work for you too.

Also I liked the way you added all of the things that life is all about and most of us would fell like right now and if they didn't read you poem they might never fell good again.

One last thing before I go,and I ask this to everyone I write a review for keep writing and never stop what you do,and if you do write another poem or story let me know I would love to read it and who knows maybe one day you or me will write reviews for each other in the future.

Heya, Kazeybear! Casanova here to review!
Anyway, I like this poem. I really like the references and adding spiritual things in it. Then again, I'm a christian so this really struck a cord.
I have to say, your poem is very deep. Something I haven't seen portrayed well in a very long time.
My favorite lines would have to be,"Can our bright petals seep inside of us? Can we survive our own evil hearts? Can we face up to our deepest fears?" Those lines... Really hit me. In an abstract way, I think everyone understands this. I mean, it's not uncommon thinking you can't overcome fear, it's not uncommon thinking we're not good enough, and it's not uncommon thinking we're going to fail.
And some of can't, but some of us do. Everyone tries, and they should.
I think that's what your poem is trying to portray here. That maybe, just maybe, we can turn ourselves around, we can do what we want, we can overcome our fears. It's not impossible, just a very hard thing to do. But we should still push forward, we should still try.
I really have nothing negative to say about this, honestly. The flow was well, the imagery was strong, and the meaning was absolutely perfect. I don't think I've seen a poem this well written and heart touching since I've been on this site, and that's over a years worth of reading. This is one of my absolute favorite poems. Thank you for sharing.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron

Hey there. Your faithful reviewer is back!

Let me start off with what I love. Unlike in your last two works, there's no rhyming, and I think that worked out really well. When you're not constrained by a set of syllables, you can really work well. Having your free choice of words is something that suits you very well, I think. I especially love that first line. It's intriguing and opens you up for an explanation. Excellent work.

In this review, I'll be going over a few lines and the concepts that we get from those lines-- things you can improve on, in my opinion. You know by now the disclaimer... this is just my opinion! So let's get on with it.

I'll keep this first suggestion short, since I've already said it twice. One word for you: imagery. Black-eyed Susans have so much potential for description. Give us some! I know you can do it and do it well.

In terms of voice/the person you're addressing. You change to the second person very near the end of the poem ("let the brightness of your petals reach in, / overcome your strongest inclinations"). I don't love this. The second person is fine, but I'd rather it be consistent throughout the whole poem, or at least introduced a little bit before this. It's a beautiful line, but it's a bit sudden and that made it a little awkward for me.

Finally, just one question for you. Do you play an instrument or sing? This almost has the rhythm of a song, and I'd love to hear it that way. Keep writing.

Jonathan