a vivid canvas of black, a swipe of the paint
flashes across the pillow of midnight
the clock-tower strikes, and the wolves howl
in the starry night
as they leap and chase in the arc of night
the stargazers watch down below,
eyes alight with wonder and amazement
until night returns again
the foreign rocks wrapped in the dappled moonlight
descend to the valleys of swaying grass and grazing deer
yet the stargazers are not afraid as they stand there
watching, waiting,
until the night returns again.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hello! Wow, I love this poem, the imagery is amazing! (I have nothing to do at the moment so I'm going to go through detail).
First of all, I love the first line. It draws me in with a beautiful image of a dark night; really setting the scene for the whole thing. Another thing I like about this is that it is quite similar to the imagery at the end of 'Superman and paula's new snow suit.' (Something we read in english) Where the narrator had been brought back to reality and all that she saw at night was a black board, wiped clean of her dreams. By relating that scene to the first line, I can really create an image of darkness and realisation. However, I find out that it is far from that later on-which makes the poem all the more interesting.
As you progress through the poem, you can really feel the story that is created within the lines. I love how it is clear and does not have a complicated riddle that the reader has to figure out! To finish my compliments, I really like the use of repeating 'Until night returns again' as it sets a permanent message in the reader's mind that it is an important part of this story. I also find it quite clever how you sightly altered it the second time as it makes it last longer; and the use of 'the' makes that night seem like its more important than the rest.
My only nitpick is the lack of punctuation. I would recommend starting with a capital on the first line and a few more commas here and there.
Great poem!
That's all from me,
Aleta
Hello!
I just love how this poem is structured - it is so pleasing to the eye.
I especially love how the poem continues on and on even when you are waiting for a period or some sort of ending punctuation. I think this does for the poem what a rhyme scheme does for most poems - keeps it moving. When I read this I can imagine briskly flying through the night air for some reason. It has a very Edgar Allan Poe Romantic feeling to it. Almost gothic. I am glad to know that someone else out there has a fascination with stars and night. It makes for great poetry!
Love it!
-
Hello! I love this poem! I like the imagery. I can just imagine the "vivid canvas of black" as the night sky, and the "foreign rocks wrapped in dappled moonlight" as the stars, and the moon in the sky. I can imagine the stargazers in the waving grass with deer roaming around them. I really like your use of repitition. I have to go study for finals, but I'd like to wrap it up by saying that despite some feeble attempts, I've never been much of a poet. And this poem is better than any that I will ever write. I'll post one of mine so that you can see some of the work I've done.
Thank you
I was just thinking... You could turn this into a pretty good song.
I suppose I could xD
Very vivid, bravo! Descriptive, prudent, and alot of simple metaphors which are a nice touch.
[quote=]the foreign rocks wrapped in the dappled moonlight
descend to the valleys of swaying grass and grazing deer
yet the stargazers are not afraid as they stand there
watching, waiting, [/quote]
Although the 2nd stanza doesn't seem to flow well, the first stanza is alot of stop and go, in a playful manner.
I liked it, to say the least.
It' ends very abruptly, with that ominous returning of the night line, which is also a nice personal touch.
Hello! Wow, I love this poem, the imagery is amazing! (I have nothing to do at the moment so I'm going to go through detail).
First of all, I love the first line. It draws me in with a beautiful image of a dark night; really setting the scene for the whole thing. Another thing I like about this is that it is quite similar to the imagery at the end of 'Superman and paula's new snow suit.' (Something we read in english) Where the narrator had been brought back to reality and all that she saw at night was a black board, wiped clean of her dreams. By relating that scene to the first line, I can really create an image of darkness and realisation. However, I find out that it is far from that later on-which makes the poem all the more interesting.
As you progress through the poem, you can really feel the story that is created within the lines. I love how it is clear and does not have a complicated riddle that the reader has to figure out! To finish my compliments, I really like the use of repeating 'Until night returns again' as it sets a permanent message in the reader's mind that it is an important part of this story. I also find it quite clever how you sightly altered it the second time as it makes it last longer; and the use of 'the' makes that night seem like its more important than the rest.
My only nitpick is the lack of punctuation. I would recommend starting with a capital on the first line and a few more commas here and there.
Great poem!
That's all from me,
Godly