Young Writers Society

I love how simple and to the point this poem is. This reminds of this quote:
'What if I fall?
Oh, but my darling,
What if you fly?'
-e.h.
It's the complete opposite of you poem yet I love both so much. One reminds me to try hard to achieve my goals. The other reminds me that I need to keep my feet on the ground and not soar too high off.
I love how the mood of the poem shifts from bright to dark. Also the abrupt end is absolutely perfect for the poem.
All of us fall at one point in our life and it's perfectly okay to fall. it's human ,we can't really get everything we want.

Hi! Storygirl95 here to review! I'm really out of practice, but I'll try.
This poem really makes me think of Icarus (which I'm sure was your point and I'm just ;ike Captain Obvious over here) which is something I adored because I love that story. It's so heartbreaking that after all the planning, the hard work, and the dreams they had, that Icarus fell. The difference is that he flew too close to the sun in that story, and here we fall.
It's always been a fascination for humans to fly because we all want that freedom to do what we want.
But unfortunately, we often have to choose between dreams and practicality. We can't really fly. Still, I think there's nothing wrong with harboring those dreams like a fugitive. Maybe we'll make something of them yet.
I really loved this poem. I know it's supposed to be sad, and I definitely feel that too, but I can sense the hope here too. Maybe it's just an overall bittersweet thing of feeling the same way as the first few lines, then crashing down like the last ones.
The only thing I'd change is to take out the second and in the last lines and make the very last line a sentence, so it'd be "And I jumped. I fell." It would seem more abrupt like hitting the ground.
But as always, that's just my opinion. I think it has lovely flow and is beautiful regardless, so you go with your gut. I'm definitely anything close to a poetry expert at all. I might just sound crazy.
Anyway! I'm just dropping by to tell you that, like 12 others, I really liked this poem. It's very relatable and well-done. I hope you have a wonderful night, and keep writing!

Absolutely brilliant!

I LOVE this. It's short, sweet, and to the point, and at the same time it conveys such a strong message. On top of that, the structure is beautiful. I think that this is a really great example of a good piece of freestyle poetry.
A side note:
I'm not going to write some sappy comment about how if you try hard enough, you'll always succeed, because that's not true. There will come a point where you will take a leap, and you will fall, and you will crash and burn. Romantic partners will leave you, loved ones will die, and you'll lose good jobs for no good reason. The decision that will change your life is how you react to that failure and how you grow from it.
From police headquarters,
This is Moon, signing off

Hey dear !
I am here to review but well okey. After reading it I also think the same what everyone who reviewed already said. Very nice carving and penning but dear I just want to say something and hope you'll agree. NEVER think that you will fall as what I think
" if you want to fly high to reach your destinational aim you'll never fall. "
" If you want to fly high , it should not only for fame but your name. "
Your name so that people can know that someone was nice poet by heart by soul. Always keep your spirits strong. And a positive attitude as life when, where, how takes turn you Nevet know so never let you hope die or never let yourself to think that if you stand at the edge of the cliff.. you'll fell. No instead think
" I stood at the edge of the cliff.
Today, I thought, I would fly.
I saw my toes .. Moving up on heals
And ...my hands stretched wide open
I am looking up in the sky
And I .. didn't fell
Rather
I am feeling ... I am flying. "
I like your poem though. Keep writing. Stay blessed !

hey there!

This was so cool. it was simple and sweet and so many more things in just 10 lines!
I really really loved this. and of course you can definitely do whatever you are determined about and if you want to fly you can (not literally but in many other ways you can).
anyway this was an amazing work. keep it up!

keep on writing
fangirl~

I am in love with the simplicity of this piece! Can't wait to see what else you come up with.

Hey JoytheBrave,

I feel like the idea of this poem is good, but you're working in a very constrained environment. While you're trying to say something dramatic and unique, you're falling prey to some classic faults that writers end up caving to.

When you start out a poem, you should try to start out with something unique and interesting. Here, you start out with a statement that is conversational in nature, which is good, but it's also been used for so many things it's something "they all" say. You started out with a mantra, which, can be okay, but you have to really make a unique statement about that mantra. Here, you don't do that. A lot of people use this saying and do things more interesting than "I could fly" like "I could be a man" or "I could be an alien" or "I want to be a fire truck" and then explore how that is or is not possible, usually for comic relief. Here, you're not only exploring something that started out being what people said you could do, but something that is actually achievable with hand-gliding, preparation, and perception. After all, what's flying but falling through the air?

I feel like if you wanted to make this poem better, you'd find something original and unique that you could do for the subject after that first line. You could even still use flying as your example, but instead of handling it with someone cliff-diving, try throwing out about 5 ideas, and use the next one, use the 6th. You can't just put your mind to something, you also have to prepare and research to put your mind to something. Within reason. After all, we can fly, we use planes for that, we could become pilots if we wanted to put our minds to flying. It's an achievable goal if you put your mind to it in the right perception. However, if you want to be a stickler about making this fail, then explore how the saying is false, describe the ways that this isn't just the wrong tool for the wrong job.

I think that'll make this a better poem because you're going to have to really stretch your creativity and develop an argument.

I am going to review your poem today.
You can be anything you wanted to be if you set your mind to it and flight takes time and surgery for wings. I liked this poem cause it can be seen as a ray of inspiration to some. In the beginning it sounded like you where a kid who received some sound advice. The poem makes you feel like you're in a dream and you can do anything you want. The ending of your poem is different from other poems I have seen about this kind of stuff but original.
Keep up the good work and have a wonderful evening, day, morning, or night. I hope to see more of your work in the future.