Dear no offenser,
What exactly do you mean?
No offense really makes no sense,
From what I’ve seen,
You’ve been misled,
About the meaning of this phrase.
.
Dear no offenser,
My heart goes out to you,
All day long you use these words,
For something they don’t do,
You think that they will give excuse,
For saying hurtful things,
Or maybe you believe,
That saying “no offense,”
Will cover up the sting.
.
Dear no offenser,
I have some news for you,
Your poor excuse: No offense,
Won’t work at all, it’s true,
It only gives me leave to think,
You own a messed-up view,
But no offense,
To,
You
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140,496 Literary Works • 673,252 Reviews
I love poems like this. And even better, it is about a pet peeve of mine! I like how you sort of turned the tables on them, and in a funny way too.
It's a pet peeve of mine, too. I actually wrote this shortly after someone used "no offense" on me once again.
Heya! octoberskye here for a small review.
I love how you take possibly a huge pet peeve for most people: "no offense" and used the poem to turn the tables back on them. I personally have had quite a bit of experience with those pesky "no offensers" and also wrote a poem on it titled "Mirrors and Smoke".
One thing that I noticed was the excessive use of commas that I think TrueFantasy covered a bit. Even if you come to the end of a line, you don't necessarily have to use a comma. Commas are used for indicating a pause or different parts of a sentence. When you're continuing one idea in a sentence, that idea can continue onto the next line without a comma there. For example:
All day long you use those words
For something they don't do.
Instead of putting a comma at the end of "words" I left it blank. I also put a period after "do", because you've finished your idea and that sentence is complete.
Now, commas are indeed used to create that 'pause' in between words, but with poems, those pauses are given when you move onto the next line, and the comma is superfluous. Don't be afraid to use periods too, you don't want your poem to be one long, run-on sentence.
Overall, I think you did a great job! A few tweaks here and there to make, but the idea and the message was clearly stated, and came across easily. Keep it up, don't stop writing!!
*resists writing a snarky review and ending it with "no offense, of course"*
TrueFantasy here for a review!
This is a very relatable poem which is always a good thing. And what I also liked is the ending where you complained about the usage of 'no offense' throughout the entire poem and ended it by saying "no offense". This is really well thought out. Perhaps the last two lines were meant to be together as I personally think it would have been better, although that might have been a typo.
However, there are too may commas which are unnecessary so you could just replace the few sentences with a full stop. Also I'm not sure what the full stops between the verses are for but maybe it is just a fancy way to separate each verse.
I like the idea of beginning every verse with "Dear no offenser" but like what PickledChrissy stated, there should have been a comma between Dear and no.
Overall, this is a very good piece of writing and it was a joy to read.
Keep up the good work
~True to the rescue
Heya, Chrissy here for a review!
You made a couple little mistakes, and most of them EternalRain pointed out for you. But I have a couple things left to say.
No offense, but this work is awesome.
One problem with this part. I think you need a comma between dear and no.
Another thing is you put comma's at the end of every single line. You need to break it up a bit. Like this...
See what I mean? You can still have sentences with poetry. In fact you need them.
Did you do this one purpose? Or was it just YWS messing with your writing? If you did do it on purpose, I suggest you change it back. It needs to be one line.
Well, no offense, but KEEP WRITING! And tag me next time you post, please. I really enjoy your works.
I really just agree with everything EternalRain said in terms of critiques. Honestly, your poem hit the nail on the head. Saying "no offense" is one of the dumbest phrases I have ever heard uttered from someone's mouth. For example (not to me personally): "You suck at this--no offense." Oh, okay, I guess saying that offense was not intended takes away "the sting" (in your ingenious words). It's really just a way of the insult-er to feel better about themselves and pretend they're not a jerk.
Rant over.
I feel like "cover up" doesn't really work in this situation. I suggest replacing it with something like "soften" (except with the appropriate number of syllables).
We don't need for you to repeat "no offense" in this line; the whole poem has been focused on it, and it's repetitive and unnecessary to say it once again.
I think "have", instead of "own", would be a more fitting verb choice.
Other than that and what EternalRain said, I love this poem! It's clear, to the point, and absolutely true. Great rhyming, something that's difficult to do and not seem forced, and nice flow and rhythm. I especially liked how you started each stanza with "Dear no offenser." It added a very nice touch, especially since "Dear no offender" is the grammatically correct wording, but you kept with the exact words the "no offenser" uses in their idiotic phrase, no paraphrasing or rephrasing the idiocy. I like that!
One strong suggestion I make is to include your own personal experiences in this poem. Bring up an incident where someone hurt your feelings and then attempted to soften the blow with a "no offense." This will add power and more emotion to the poem, and I think it would make it even more awesome than it already is.
Overall rating: 8.5/10
Keep writing!
+1
Haha! I love this. Personally, "no offense" is one of my biggest pet peeves, so from the getgo I love this poem.
In order to give an honest critique, though, I think you can improve the poem with a few touches. Firstly, I don't think you need every line to end with a comma; I think some lines can end with a period (ie stanza 1 line 3). Also, "don't make sense" in the third line rubs me the wrong way. It's incorrect grammar, and even if it's intentional, I trip over it every time I read it.
Overall, great poem that definitely needed to be written. Thanks for sharing!
The "don't" was intentional, but it always messed me up too. I finally came up with a way to change it lying in bed last night, so it's fixed now!
Heyy!
Wow, yes, I agree with you - very fast-paced, very sassy. It gives it a nice tone, especially when you're addressing to people who aren't nice.
This is so true. When people say, "That artwork isn't as good as Julia's, no offense. ," it does sting and make you mad. This was a great topic to write about, awesome job!!
I have a couple nitpicks for you:
Hmm, I think you meant 'doesn't' instead of 'don't'. Or maybe you're going for a weird sound? But I'm guessing it was just a typo.
I don't really understand this line? Perhaps it's just one of those weird English phrases that people write and I don't know, but if it's not, you might want to clear this up a little.
I would take away the comma after this.
So! Wow. All the phrases and words combined, it created such a good rhyming (like always, in all your poems
Awesome job, once again, I enjoyed it!
~ EternalRain