Fear

I enjoyed the metaphors in this poem such as "Why do we hide under rocks to bloom?" And "Why do we bury our vibrant colors?" I appreciate that this poem has a good meaning behind it to express that we are beautiful and should show everyone who we are. And you absolutely nailed the ending I must say, "As she who had the courage to bloom above the rock." But I feel the beginning didn't have much to do with the hiding under rocks to bloom. And the title was off topic to what I believe this poem was supposed to be about. Sure It's a type of fear, but be more specific like, "Above The Rock." Or something. Other than that, very good. ^.^

Are there actual names for these fears? That would be awsome. I like your fear of mobsters line. Your "In fear that others will like the duller?" part is good, especially since today adults wear darker colors. "Soar with the storm, play in the mist," That part could be better. maybe a different verb. All in all an amazing poem.

Heyo

I like the sentiments behind this poem a lot, and I think that the thing with the vibrant/duller colors really sums up what this poem is about.

I like that you're experimenting with imagery, and I like how vivid you managed to get your words to become, especially towards the second half.

That said, I think there are some things holding you back. Firstly: Rhyme. Not all poems have to rhyme, and unless the rhyme is literally perfect, I actually prefer poems that don't rhyme. Rhyming the right way is much harder than people seem to think, because you have to worry about if your words sound awkward. Would you ever have used the word "debt" or "blunders" or "mobsters" in this poem if they didn't rhyme? I doubt it. They're good words, but they just stick out as unconventional words in a poem of mostly conventional ones. That's how you can tell that the words are awkward and forced. They don't seem to go with the rest of the poem. I like that you attempted multiple layers of rhyme, but to be honest, I think it's holding your poem back. I'd love to see what the poem would look like if you could just express your thoughts freely (with all those lovely images!) and not worry about rhyming. I think not having the forced rhyme would greatly improve your poem.

I don't know if it's just from the rhyme, or if you attempted a kind of rhythm, or it's just something that needs to be fixed, but the wording in this seems rather forced and stiff. It doesn't flow the way you would speak it. Try reading your poem out loud, and if something doesn't sound the way you would phrase it in real life, it's probably a stiff line.

Now, I know I praised your images, but I still think they could be improved a lot. You use rather cliched images, and I think a lot of them you used again just for the rhyme. Try to think of things you haven't read anywhere else. That makes it much more interesting to the reader, who has probably read poems about soaring in the storm, laughing with shadows etc., etc.

I like that you're trying parallel structure in the beginning with all the repetition of "fear," but (and this might just be a personal opinion) I think that it was a little too repetitive. I feel like maybe you should mix it up a bit? Maybe spread it throughout the poem and have images to go after each one? I dunno. The poem feels imbalanced with it like that.

I really did like the message of this though. I think there is a really superb poem hiding in this. c:

Let me know if you have any questions, and Keep writing!!

"Why do we bury our vibrant colors,

In fear that others will like the duller?"

Best two lines !! This is definitely unforgettable!
I have read many other poems which also tackles the same topic as yours and the same structure as yours --> Introduce the fears, then tell the readers how to overcome them
But there`s something about your work that stands out among others. I`m obsessed with the two lines I`ve included above. Ugh, it`s really gooddd. This is a must-read for people lacking self-esteem (like me). Again, I really like those two liness, ohh bloody hell.

Hey.

Good topic, enjoyed it a lot. The rhyme scheme confused me a bit in the middle, but then, that's the way you want it to be And it's a very common thing people write about, but this was a different version to it.

I loved the beginning, got me engrossed. Though the end wasn't too strong. Just personal suggestions.

Good job on this one.

Keep writing and stay blessed.

xoxo

Hey! This is Hermione here with a review. I adored this poem, and it was very relatable. The line that said, "Why do we hide under rocks to bloom?", really hit home with me. I also really liked the part that went:

Soar with the storm, play in the mist, and laugh among the shadows,

Forgo the pond to swim the sea, and dance in all the meadows,

Lift your head, sing your song and maybe others will sing along,

For even if you stand alone you will be forever known,

As she who had the courage to bloom above the rock.

I liked it. I have some of these fears,among others, *cough *heights*big horses*cough cough*, anyways. I will say, some lines rhymned and some didn't, you have every right to write how you want, but I would suggest either rhymning all the way through or not rhymning, but that's just me. "And why do hide under rocks to bloom?",I'm not sure the intent of this line and what you meant by bloom. Perhaps interchange bloom with another word or just leave it as," Why do we hide under rocks", instead. Again,, just my opinion, others may have better advice/opinions than mine.
All in all, very good. These fears are realistic and this poem is simple and fun and nice. Keep it up(and don't hesitate to review my latest work, This is our song, at all... I don't Bite!)
^o^