Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
I was confused at this poem.
First up the first two lines.
This doesn't really make sense. From what I get there is a wave that is being torn up and broken up and its doing this in the shape of a wave that is wave-like but also resembles thorns and fire so its water that resembles fire but also somehow resembles roses or other plants that have thorns so basically its water that's a wave getting shorn in a wave-like manner also like fire and plants.
That's what went through my mind which is why I am confused.
I have a feeling that this could be a silly/fun poem. But if it was written seriously then I think that you wrote to rhyme, not rhymed to write.
That makes even less sense than the first one. What has corn got to do with anything?
I like this line but in this context I think you mean ablaze.
Overall I feel like you need to take a step back and think about what exactly is happening in this poem. There's lots of corn and sheep and roses and beams which I don't even know how that fits in context. It works for a randomly silly poem but It wasn't submitted under humour so that's why I think you need to be careful.
Sorry for being harsh....
Hi, this is killyouwithwords here to review your poem! I want to start of on a positive note, and that's that I love the overall poem and I thought yo did a wonderful job...but the format was all over the place, it wasn't very smooth. You repeated yourself unnecessarily and it wrecked the flow of of the poem, it wasn't smooth and not very effective. I suggest that you edit this, because I'm so sure you could do so much with the imagery and overall overflow of this poem.Very rough, but a job well done. Good job, keep writing!!
I love the vocabulary used in this poem, i quite enjoyed it.
I love the vocabulary used in this poem, i quite enjoyed it.
Thanks.
Okay, neat. Let me start with the obvious, there is a spelling mistake of thron instead of thorn in the eighth line. Now, moving on.
I could not quite figure out the method of rhyming that you were striving for in this one. I recognize that a rhyme scheme was attempted, but I saw more of a bunch of rhymes put together with little pattern. I, personally, feel like there was little to no flow to the rhymes within this poem. Perhaps lessen the focus of rhyming because I was focused more on figuring out how I wanted to read with the rhymes as opposed to understanding and appreciating the poem itself.
On another note, I also had difficulties figuring out how the flow of the poem went. I could not find a rhythm to read the poem in, unlike most poems, where they have a rhythmic flow for the reader to follow through the poem. It may not be your intention to follow a rhythm, but it is much easier for the reader if the poem is written in a pattern.
Altogether, I enjoy the concept of the poem and the meaning behind it, but the portrayal is missing in my opinion. Take a moment and read the poem out loud to yourself, and you will generally find it easier to follow a flow or pattern that will be simple for the reader. Hope I have been helpful, and keep writing. I look forward to your next work!
A good start, with nice spacing and stanza set up, however the format is one long run-on sentence for each stanza.
The wave is torn and shorn,
With a wave of a fiery thorn,
A pen will form from the firey
Storm, that will write a review
To set the storm a blaze.
The use of Storm, twice so suddenly here reaps all impact it could have had.
But not of corn will the wave,
Be shorn but by the horn of,
A thron of firely flowers stem,
And thought the fire and water,
Will steam there will be a beam
of sun to make it fun even though it be done.
Grammar mistakes, and spelling mistakes in one line.
Asides from that, nice fodder =3