A Selfish Friend.

I really like how your poem actually rhymes. I have read so many poems that don't rhyme at all, and that is a factor I appreciate in poetry ( even if none of my poetry rhymes!).
I can kind of follow the begging of the poem. The friends get mad at each other, it's not all fun and games.
Then I think it kind of gets confusing. I can't describe it.
But it is better than most of the stuff I can do, and I like it.

Heyy I'm EmoChikXoX, and I'm going to do my best at reviewing your poem

This is a nice short poem, but I do have to say I think you need to expand on your rhymes. I think you should use different sorts of rhymes to make this poem more exiting. Although the poem is rather good as it is, it flows rather nicely anyway but maybe if there were different types of words the poem would flow even better

I do think however that it's interesting, and it is asking me a lot of questions (if you understand what I mean). In particular I like the last verse, "The fires of lords.." is really good. I think it ends the poem off rather nicely if I do say so myself

Anyway, your a good poet and need to post more so I can read them!

~EmoChikXoX

Don't be caged in rhymes - that's all I have to say. I get the feeling that you wanna say something deep but the rhymes look forced at a lot of places. Go easy, write as you please and you'll see for yourself how much you can express.

Much talent for one so young! I feel like you put a lot of effort into end rhymes and for the most part it worked out great. Towards the end I felt the emphasis on end rhymes made the poem feel a bit disconnected from the first stanza. It's wonderful though, and I do hope you keep on writing!

Whoa this is a really nice poem ... *glances at age* OMG YOU'RE ONLY TWELVE?!? How can you write so brilliantly at only 12 years of age.

I have lost all my self confidence xD

Amazing. Love the rhyming! Very good rhyming...

Keep up the good work! I can't even imagine how outstanding your work will be in a few years xD

Hey there! I am so excited to review this piece for you! Here we go!

What I liked:

1. The rhyme. This is what will set your poem apart from weaker ones. You had such a strong sense of rhyme. Your stanza's were long so your ability to find rhymes for that many lines, and none of them seemed forced is admirable.

2. The imagery. Although you seem to jump from image to image the ones that you place are vivid. Great job.

3. The flow. Your rhymes and punctuation help alot with that. Great work!

What I didn't like:

1. There isn't really I connecing thought. I can't find the idea and that has to do with a couple of things. The first being the fact you seem to jump around alot and nothing connects. Also, your rhymes, while great and consistant, they don't have any place other than to rhyme. While you have a strong and nice flow you sacrifice meaning and it really is a shame.

2. "And own there hoards" should be their not there.

Overall:

It is a great start. Think about expanding a bit more and readdressing the rhymes! Great work!

Hello!!
Fist of all, nice profile picture d:
So, I like the rhyming. It must've been hard finding all those words!
There are some parts of the poem that I don't really understand. I think that the lines all make sense individually, but it's a little hard to see the whole picture.
Maybe if you changed the verb choices or added more descriptive/explanatory language, it would help! Keep it up!
PEACE

This was an interesting poem!

And a good idea as to why to write about too!

I liked how some of it rymed..(And i know that i can't spell rymed right)

Although, expanding would be nice, don't ya think??

Also, some things in the poem made no since at all, not that this wasn't a good poem though...

This was very good I must admit you wrote in a strange way but it was still really good. (heehee)

Well, nice poem and I hope to see more of your work soon! -Deleted12