It cannot be.

Hey its Elizabeth1 and I'm here to give you a review on your poem!

First off, I want to say that you have a lot of great potential as a writer and I can't wait to read more of your work!

I liked your poem, but there were some things that I found difficult to understand so I had to read your poem twice to understand. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the main point of your poem was that not everything we see is truly what it is; objects/individuals/etc aren't always what they seem to be. I think what made your poem a bit hard to understand the main point was the rhyming. I feel that a lot of the rhymes were a bit forced to make everything flow. You shouldn't focus so much on rhyming (unless that's your style then go ahead and do your thing) because it then forces the poem to not flow and makes the reader focus more on the rhyming instead of what the point of the poem is. I liked your usage of Old English and you did a good job using it correctly. The repetitive lines/words in your poem is what helped make the poem flow, but the rhyming still seemed a bit forced. I personally like using repetitive phrases/words in some of my poems to emphasize the point of it. I think the repetition worked well in your poem. I think you should of emphasized more on your topic so the reader can understand better, even adding a bit more examples or detail would really improve your poem. Overall you did good!

I just read the last sentence of the review below by Nightlyowl. I disagree. The usage of Old English is actually pretty good if you ask me. The repetitive words were also useful in making it a piece of poetry that flows easily.

The only thing that I don't understand is the message you're trying to get across. The words are simple enough, but at least it should be understandable... unless it was all just a "cup of tea" as you stated.

It be just a rock and an island to be.

Hello, nightlyowl here!

While I liked your idea, I don't think you executed it well. Your rhymes seemed forced, like the poem had an idea, but it shifted to suite the rhymes. Rhyming is great and all, but it can be dangerous, if used incorrectly. And this was definitely done incorrectly.

First thing, You rhymed everything to Be. You used Be over and over again, as well as two different See's (sea and see) and then tea... The same sound over and over again is fine. However, it sounds wrong and forced when it is the same word rhymed to itself. That is always a no-no and should be done as little as possible.

Second thing, You not only had an end rhyme but internal rhymes as well. This made it seem even more forced.

"The land I see, it cannot be,
Oh this land, I and thee it shall be."

See and Be was rhymed in one line, Thee and be in the next. Not only do you end both lines in Be and call it a rhyme, but you rhyme inside the lines as well.

Now onto what I think might be able to help you:

Take the above quote for instance. If you wanted this to be about what the world seems to be like and what it actually is. That's one thing. Expand on that. And if you want to make it kind of romantic saying that it's for you and your love/friend/whatever, that's great. But expand on that. The way you did it just didn't work well due to all the focus on the rhymes.

"The land I see, it cannot be,
Oh this land, I and thee it shall be."

Here, you had a perfectly good chance to expand on how the world isn't what it seems to be and how the speaker is exploring it with another person. You could have reworded the second line, and then ended it at Thee. Thee rhymes with Be, and if done correctly won't sound forced.

Another thing, the "shall be", and "to be" don't make sense. It just doesn't. Not in the context. I don't think there is any way you could have worded the lines to end it on that note, and make it understandable...

I hate to sound harsh, but this poem needs some work. Another thing, saying Thee and t'was, doesn't always make a poem sound more professional or anything like that. And sometimes just make it harder to understand... that's what happened here.

I'd say look it over, read it over, start all over.

Stick with your idea, it was great, but just use things in nature that seem one way and then end up being something else. An evil face on a moth's wing. Thunder being God Bowling. I don't know, whatever. You didn't focus on your idea, you focused on the rhyming and you've gotta step away from that. Poems don't always have to rhyme.

Keep writing. You're young and you've got potential. Just don't fall prey to all rookie poetry mistakes like forcing rhyme and trying to sound impressive using "old" words.

~Nightlyowl