The armored figure drew closer to the road with large strides. His polished exoskeleton glimmered in the light of the pink supernova above. Installed above his left forearm was a mobile cannon of some sort. His light blue visor flashed as as a silver amphibian hit it, momentarily revealing a pair of deep red eyes.
Meanwhile, Avery and Jason were stumbling over each other to open the door facing away from the approaching threat.
“Dammit, Avery, stop pushing me!” Jason exclaimed as he struggled with the handle.
“Just kick it!” Avery shouted. Jason looked at him incredulously, raising an eyebrow. Glancing back Avery saw the armored figure walk up behind less-good Avery.
The umbrella-ed man noticed Avery’s feared expression and turned around.
“I really hope that arm thingy shoots--” before he could finish, the armored figure brought his left arm to eye-level with less-good Avery and fired.
“Oh, God! Lasers, it shoots lasers!” Avery exclaimed as his less-good version was obliterated by the attack. “Jason-- Jason he’s dead. He’s gone. He killed less-good me!”
Jason had returned to fighting with the door handle, but to no avail.
“Just--” Avery shoved him out of the way and kicked the door as hard as he could. It flew open and the scrambled out.
The two men tripped and rolled, landing in the tall grass beside the road. They laid low in the field, watching for the armored figure to come around the car. Suddenly, the vehicle was ripped apart with a flash of light and sent flying in all directions, a storm of flame and smoke and bits of car.
From the swirling mass of smoke stepped less-good Avery’s murderer. He looked around, surveying the area. As he did so a small silver frog plopped on his head and croaked loudly. The armored figure grabbed the frog tightly, tossed it into the field behind Avery and Jason, and shot it in midair. The frog, unlike the car, simply disappeared in a flash of light.
Then, craning his head upward and aiming his arm cannon at the sky, he fired a massive blue laser into the clouds. The rain continued to fall for a second more before stopping completely. No more frogs fell, and those on the ground began popping, leaving behind small piles of silver dust scattered across the land.
“Jason,” Avery whispered as quietly as he could. “What do we do?” Jason stared at the armored figure, ignoring Avery.
“Jason!” Avery hissed.
“What?” Jason replied loudly. He quickly clapped a hand over his mouth as the armored figure stared down in their direction. Everything froze as Avery and Jason stared back, not daring to move a muscle. Eventually the figure looked away and began walking around the ruined vehicle.
“What?” Jason said again, hushed voice this time.
“What do we do? He just killed a storm! There’s no way we could get back to the can--”
“We get to his can.” Jason rose to his feet, remaining hunched over so that he wouldn’t poke out of the grass. “Come on,” he said as he walked away looking like a hunchback.
Avery sighed, glanced at the armored figure worriedly, and followed.
Somehow, after making their way down alongside the road a ways, they were able to run across without the armored figure noticing. Once on the opposite side of the road, the two booked it to the chrome can that had brought the murderer behind them. Reaching it, Jason slammed his opened palm into the side and the top slide open, just like the silver can did.
Placing his hands on the can’s smooth surface, Jason pulled himself up it. His foot followed and he soon reached the top. Avery just watched, agape and amazed at Jason’s apparent gecko powers.
“Well? Are you coming?” Jason hissed from the top.
“How did you do that?” Avery asked, inspecting the can’s side.
“Just do what I did,” Jason replied. “And hurry, before Dorothy sees.”
“Dorothy?” Avery questioned, glancing behind him.
“Well, I never really liked Dorothy and the Tin Man was cool. I don’t really like this guy, and he’s not cool. Dorothy,” Jason explained.
Avery shrugged and jumped at the can, finding that he stuck to it quite easily. With this new-found ability he climbed up the side and joined Jason at the top.
The two promptly hopped inside the can and Jason took the pilot seat. Avery hastily buckled himself in as the can closed shut and shot upward.
On one of the screens Avery could see “Dorothy” staring up at them, aiming their arm cannon.
“He can’t hit us up here, can he?”
“Avery, he killed a storm. I’m pretty sure his shots could reach us up here,” Jason said as he spun the can toward the place they had originally landed and zoomed off.
Keeping an eye on the screens, Avery saw the world flash by beneath them. The road, a blurry black line, sliced through the greenish-yellow of the surrounding valley as they darted across the sky.
Soon, they reached their destination. The silver can sat in the middle of the road, just waiting for them to return.
Jason led the chrome can downward and crashed it into the asphalt beside his own can. Avery shouted as they made contact with the ground.
“Maybe a warning next time?” he complained, rubbing his head.
“No point. You would’ve complained anyway.” Jason unbuckled and ran to the leappad, jumping out of the chrome can and landing gingerly beside it. Avery followed right after him and the two crawled up the silver can, hopping inside it and flying upward.
“Dorothy’ll be here any second, now,” Jason said, surveying the screens.
“What? There’s no way he could get here that fa--” Avery shut up when he noticed a blip of white speeding down the street at the chrome can.
“Is he-- running?” Avery stared at the screen in disbelief as the armored figure leaped into the air, several feet from the chrome can, and flew to the top. Ripping the hatch open and getting inside, he soon brought his chrome can up to the sky with the silver can.
“Jason, we’ve got to get out of here!”
“You don’t think I know that, Avery?” Jason growled as he fumbled with some controls. The screens suddenly went dark and Avery started panicking, demanding to know what was wrong.
“Avery!”
“What?”
“Shut up!”
“Sorry,” Avery mumbled. He leaned back in his seat and watched the screens nervously, biting at his nails.
The chrome can suddenly rushed the silver can, slamming into its side and denting it a good amount.
“Dammit!” Jason exclaimed, punching a button and jerking the can to one side. The screens suddenly flashed back to life and Avery could see that a robotic arm hung beside their can.
“What’s that?” he asked. “That arm-looking thing.”
“That, Avery,” Jason said. “Is an arm-looking thing that’s normally used for picking up things in space,” he punched another button and the arm widened, looking very much like “Dorothy’s” arm cannon. “But as it is, I could really care less about the rules of arm-looking things.”
With that, the arm fired three green orbs at the chrome can. Two missed and set fire to separate parts of the field below, but the third hit its mark.
The chrome can suffered its own dent and shuddered as it spun away through the air.
“Yeah, take that, Dorothy!” Jason moved his hand back towards Avery for a high-five, causing the silver can to tilt slightly. Avery ignored Jason’s hand and watched the chrome can on one of the screens.
“Jason, are these cans any strong?”
“Yeah, of course they are. Why do you think we won?” Jason sounded disappointed at Avery leaving him hanging, but returned to flying the ship around.
“Then how come Dorothy went down so easily?” The chrome can was spinning out of control, heading for the ground, smoke trailing down with it.
“Eh, probably a crappy older model.” Jason brushed off Avery’s concerns and aimed them for the atmosphere. “Now, let’s get out of this circus act,” Jason soon began muttering about silver frogs and creepy men under umbrellas. Avery leaned back in his chair and tried to ignore his pilot.
As they neared the atmosphere and the sky grew darker, a low whistling sound caught Avery’s ear.
“What’s that?” He sat up and checked the screens. Far below them, a dark object was speeding upward. Avery squinted at it, opened his eyes wide, squinted again, and finally realized-- “Er, Jason, I think Dorothy’s back.”
“What? There’s no way--” Jason saw the screen and the rapidly approaching chrome can. “Oh, come on!” He boosted the can’s speed up even more in an attempt to break through the atmosphere before the chrome can caught up to them.
Then, with a loud pop, they burst out of the atmosphere and into the vacuum of space. Avery stared out the small porthole-like window in awe.
Jason leaned back in his seat again. “Well, Sneezes, welcome to spa--”
“It’s a lot darker than I expected,” Avery stated, cutting Jason off and earning himself a glare.
Suddenly, the silver can rattled and blasted forward at an incredible speed. A blinding flash filled the ship, the screens, and all surrounding space.
Avery and Jason, caught by surprise, found their vision blurred for a while. During this time, Jason spun off a very long string of curse words which partially deafened Avery, just adding to his deterred senses.
“What the hell was that!?” Avery yelled, tossing in his own curse words, though none nearly as bad as Jason’s.
Outside, debris floated past the can. Flaming, rocky debris. Confused, Avery tried peering back through the window, but couldn’t see anything aside from darkness, debris, and distant stars. When the screens finally cleared up and the two huddled around the one showing the galaxy behind them. What had once been a vast, lush, blue and green planet, was now a tiny, flaming ball of rock. Silence visited the duo again, for the first time in a while that day.
“Jason…?”
“Avery…”
“Did Terra just…?
“Yeah, I think it did.”
The ship’s cabin fell quiet as the two reflected on what had just happened. Eventually, growing anxious, Avery spoke.
“How?”
“What?” Jason looked up from the ground, surprised by the sudden reappearance of sound.
“How did that happen?” Avery nodded at the screen, at the tiny flaming meteor.
Jason didn’t speak and just stared at the screen, spacing out.
“Jason?”
Seeming to come out of his trance by Avery’s prompt, Jason began to speak, but was quickly stopped by the sight of something nearly impossible.
The thing with nearly impossible things is that they’re exactly that. Nearly impossible. They aren’t completely impossible or not too impossible. They’re nearly impossible, meaning they can happen, but when they do they’re quite a surprise.
Looking out the tiny window of the silver can, Jason experienced one such nearly impossible thing. Because there, staring back at him, was a white and orange helmet with a light blue visor, behind which sat a piercing red glare.
“Avery,” Jason said, not breaking his gaze from the window. Avery turned to see what Jason was looking at and jumped in surprise. “It looks like we’ve got a stowaway. A filthy, murdering stowaway.”
The red eyes glared more intensely through the visor as Jason returned to piloting the ship.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey, hatt! Storm here for a review this fine Review Day, so let's jump right into it!
So it's a he?
In the plainest of words, this is just a dumb sentence. "Umbrella-ed" isn't a word and it doesn't really work with the 'dash+'ed' method that sometimes does. I also dislike 'feared expression' because it's rather clunky.
I'm just going to say 'not funny' when there's a joke I feel falls flat. So: not funny.
I see what you mean about this not having any plot. They go to Terra and after about 30 minutes of them just being there, not doing much, it blows up. Why? How? What's the point?
The one thing I have enjoyed is your dialogue. Aside from the jokes that fall flat, your dialogue is pretty fun to read. Snappy and clever.
Anyway, sorry this review is so short. (also, always know that i'm happy to talk to you about this on Discord always)
~Storm
Nerd moment: The spaceship. It's a...*giggle*... Volks-wagon. *giggles, then laughs maniacally*
The spaceships so far have all been giant cans, though.So? Word play. I abuse it.
Wait...supernova? Did you mean to use that word? Is their sun actually supernova-ing, or is it just a sun filtered through a weird atmosphere?
Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. The planet exploded anyway. And less-good Avery died without me ever knowing why he was smirking and laughing creepily. Perhaps because he knew the frogstorm was coming and also knew Avery and Jason would be surprised by it? I do have a guess about what less-good means now, however: less-good in quality more than in morality. Less-good Avery hardly reacted to Dorothy before he was destroyed.
Dorothy, though? So Jason has a knowledge of 20th-century American literature, and/or movies? I am starting to sense a Dr. Whoishness from Jason...
For some reason, I found the mental image of the frogs popping into silver dust...rather charming.
Why hello there Hatt! Bet you're surprised to see me!
How is this even still in the Green Room XDAnyway, another beautiful chapter!! I noticed that Jason now calls the can a can. At first, it just seemed like Avery called it a can because that's clearly what it looked like. Is it just universally known as a can...?
Also, here:
I do believe you meant slid rather than slide.
Ooooooh yes an evil person. Muahaha things will be quite interesting, now that he (it??) is a stowaway. I'm curious, what are Dorothy's motives? Is Dorothy from Jason's planet, or are cans just the common transportation around space?
Plot was great in this, with Less-Good Avery's death and the explosion of Terra.
"'What do we do? He just killed a storm!'" And your parallel self, Ave. XD
Question about this:
Why is he hoping it shoots? Maybe he should hope that it doesn't shoot... I get that he was going to say "I really hope that arm thingy shoots ____" Whatever he thought it might shoot, but shooting anything is rather bad.
I have to agree with Jen: YAY. DEATH. *ahem* It's not that I'm insane (but I am) but I hate books that won't let any of their characters die. Death is necessary. *applauds*
Alright, that seems to be it (Jen's reviews are much better than mine XD)
Looking forward very much to your next chapter!
-Falco
Okay, I got onto my computer. And Falconer-shi was leaving me messages, but I couldn't see them because I was on mobile. She's not replying to meeeeee~~~ D':
No, wait, what? What am I saying? Death is bad! Death is definitely very bad! And I'm pretty sure that Avery-san thinks so too! If so, his reaction to the death of Less-Good him should be more... dramatic, I guess? Using the word "exclaimed" is good and all, but it doesn't really have a negative connotation. It's more like... passive surprise, or want of attention, or something like that. Why would Avery-san, a normal man brought up with a normal life on Earth (at least, that's the vibe I'm getting from the previous chapters) react more violently to seeing his Less-Good self, than to the murder of said person? Not to mention, it took place right in front of his eyes, with the possibility of him dying next. It's unrealistic to just have him exclaim once about it, and not show any other reaction to it for the rest of the chapter. Well, unless Avery-san is like one of my other characters, who's been brought up peacefully, is innocent and sweet and naive, and yet can instinctively kill other people without being bothered by it at all. Of course, there's a good reason for her peculiar attitude towards death and gore. If Avery-san doesn't have something that like, it's more normal to place more emphasis on how shaken up he is.
Glad to see that the plot is picking up in this chapter. Though, I'm still utterly confused at what's what (Jason is enigmatic, and some scenes are a little ambiguous), though hopefully my puzzlement will be resolved within the next few chappies. The appearance of "Dorothy" was... intriguing, to say the least. The intense action in this chapter was quite enjoyable, and Dorothy's abilities/weapons are so COOOL \(OoO)/ (who doesn't like lazers?)
Call me insane if you will (psst. I am), but I could picture the explosion in my mind extremely clearly, and it's lovely. It's like that one scene at the end of Ender's game (end of Ender's. Nice) in which-- oh, wait, did you read that book yet? :3 I won't spoil it, never mind. Anyhow, it's nice, just saiyan.
I'm not abandoned after all \QvQ/) For an alien... Jason sounds... strangely absurd. No, I understand that a lot of what he says is meant to be confusing, due to him being an alien, and all that good stuff. Yet, at the same time, his choice of words, and his syntax, and his attitude... is kind of like... an average, oh-I'm-so-cool, teenage earthling sort of attitude... XD I'm sorry if I'm misinterpreting, but he just gives me that sort of feeling... I'm guessing it might make more sense as the story progresses/we gain more insight into his character. But for now, I'll just point that that it's slightly absurd 
I'll cheer m'self up with some good ol' reviewz.
First of all: YAY. DEATH.
But anyways, yay, plotz!
Though, as I've mentioned before, I was utterly lost in the escape scene. I understood that they escaped with Dorothy's can, got into Jason's can, were launched into space, Terra blew up (GLORIOUS), and Dorothy somehow managed to climb on with them and is now outside of the can, looking in. Yes. But... what about the "arm-thing"? I read it through a few times, but either I'm just too sleep deprived, or I'm simply finding it to be too vaguely written. So... the can has the arm, but Dorothy has one too, and Dorothy's arm is Dorothy's arm, the the Dorothy arm is on the can-- I'll stop before I hurt myself Q_Q If the arm on the can had to enlarge in order to be the same size as Dorothy's, how big is Dorothy? Or did the arm pop out really small, and had to be unfolded into a normal size?
Anywho, I loved the scene where Terra blows up~~~
Similarly, the paragraph about the impossible and the possible, right before Dorothy reveals himself outside of the space-can, is quite well done. It's like a scene in slo-mo, with some strangely placid thoughts echoing in the background as something dramatic/shocking/dangerous happens. I like it. Yes. Jen's official seal of approval. Nice.
Also, something that has been bothering me for a while now-- Jason's speech... (Oh hey! Never mind, Falconer-shi was on mobile, too HAHAHA
That's all I got for now. Sorry if I seem decoherent/nonsensical at any point. I'm really sleep deprived, and I'm pretty sure I'm starting to nurture a headache and possibly a system shutdown. I'll probably come back to this one day, though, so I'll clarify anything that I messed up on, or something like that.
Once again, great job on the new chappie, and I can't wait to see the next one~~~~~
(you'llupdatesoon,right?Right?RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT?:3)
Happy writing~~~!
Thanks for the amazing review, Jen. xD


I'll explain a couple of things. Like the arm on the can... It's a robotic arm thing that comes out of the side of the can. It's not small, it's quite big, but it grew even bigger to fire it's laser orb things.
Make sense? Probably not...
Moving on to Jason's speech... I've no idea how old he is, now that I think about it, but the way you described it ("oh-I'm-so-cool" teenager) is pretty much how I want him to come across.
Jason's meant to seem immature, but also bright and intuitive when he needs to be.
Hopefully I can work that into the story as it goes along.
Speaking of Jason, pretty soon we should be getting some back-story on him!
The idea of Avery being like your character, finding it easy to kill, that's interesting... I kind of want to play with that now... A darker side to Avery.
Anyway, thanks for the review. A new chapter should be up much sooner than this was relative to the last one. Erm... meaning there's one on the way soon. >.>
-Jules
The name you sign your replies with is so... I don't know how to describe it. It's the kind of name you repeat again and again, and forget you're repeating it, and it turns into some sort of song/melody/chant/whatever. Ahgrohgehr I need more sleep. And yes, I'm amazing
Not at all, but I'm glad you enjoyed my crappy need-to-sleep-for-a-few-years review XD And I think you should clarify the size difference between Dorothy and Jason, Dorothy's arm thing and Jason's can's arm thing, etc.
Oh, I see Jason's supposed to act that way...... OoO Alright, you did a great job, then XD
And NOOOOO ripping off of mein characters! >___________> Don't try to justify your reality plot holes by ripping off of watashi! That's MY job! I'M the one who is destined to almost get sued ten billion times over because I referenced too many fandoms in my writing! >:-\
And yes, glad to hear that. Until then, I'll be constantly spying on you with my binoculars. As a threat. To threaten you. To stop procrastinating. For purely business purposes. Yes.
Er, happy writing~~~! *rolls end credits*
IT'S GETTING DARKEEEEEEER \(OoO)/ Beautiful.
I'm reading it on mobile right now, so I'll review after I get home.
Just wanted to ask right now: Dorothy is the new character, yes? And Tin Can is another that hasn't appeared yet, yes?
No... It was a reference to the Wizard of Oz. XD
Dorothy is just a nickname for the armored figure, until they learn his real name. Tin Man was part of the Wizard of Oz reference.
I just did that 'cause the armored figure seems made of metal, the Tin Man is made of metal, Jason likes the Tin Man and doesn't like Dorothy, Jason doesn't like this armored figure. Call him Dorothy.
Hatt logic.
Oh... I can't believe I didn't get this obvious reference... ( '-')
*bashes head with phone*
*tildes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
"small piles of silver dust" XD Close enough to glitter. *approves of silver dust*